Category Archives: Joke Writing Workshop

Joe shows how the writing techniques in his book apply to some jokes about current events.

Joke About McDonald’s in Russia

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The joke:

Today McDonald’s said it’s closing all its restaurants in Russia because of Ukraine. Is that a good idea? If McDonald’s really wants to hurt the Russians it should open up more restaurants, hand out free artery-clogging fries and Big Macs, attack the Russians from the inside.

How I wrote it:

Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is a huge news story, so I didn’t think I could ignore it. At the same time, it’s a difficult story to write jokes about because large numbers of innocent people are dying and getting displaced. If an audience is thinking about those tragic facts, they won’t laugh.

To write jokes about a high-profile but upsetting topic, a useful technique is to steer clear of the most disturbing aspects of the topic. So if the topic is Russia invading Ukraine, a joke writer wouldn’t remind the audience of all the death and destruction.

Instead, the writer would focus on a secondary, less-upsetting aspect of the topic. In this case, I noticed that McDonald’s is closing all its restaurants in Russia.

Now I had a topic somewhat related to Russia’s invasion that I thought the audience would let me joke about. So I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

One handle of the topic is “McDonald’s,” which I associate with “unhealthful food.” The other topic handle is “Russia,” which nowadays I associate with “needs to be attacked.” I linked those two associations in a punch line that suggests using McDonald’s food to attack the Russians.

In editing the joke I used my Joke Maximizer #9–Get specific. I did that by listing particular menu items instead of just writing “unhealthful food.”

And when I chose those menu items I employed my Joke Maximizer #7–Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance. “Hand out free artery-clogging fries and Big Macs” has nine stop consonants, a lot for only twelve syllables.

Joke About Simone Biles’s Engagement

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The joke:

Olympian gymnast Simone Biles and NFL player Jonathan Owens just got engaged. They said they fell head over heels in love, although in Biles’s case it was head over heels over head over heels over head then a double salto layout with a half-twist and she stuck the landing.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could turn this news item into a joke because it offered two topic handles–“Simone Biles” and “got engaged”–each of which has a lot of associations. That meant I could use my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

As I brainstormed associations of Biles, I pictured her doing handsprings in one of her floor exercise routines. That mental image suggested the phrase “head over heels.” The phrase probably popped into my head because I was also pondering associations of “got engaged.” One of those associations is “fell in love,” which has the sub-association “head over heels.”

Once I found the link “head over heels,” I realized my punch line could describe Biles performing a floor exercise routine.

Because “head over heels” is an essential part of the joke, I included it in the angle. That way the angle would smoothly and clearly guide the audience from the topic to the punch line.

My Joke Maximizer #9 is “Get specific.” So when I described Biles’s routine I wanted to include a lot of detail; a detailed description would summon up an unexpectedly vivid mental picture in the audience’s mind, increasing the surprise of the punch line.

So I searched online for something like “difficult gymnastics moves.” Eventually I spotted “a double salto layout with a half-twist,” which seemed like the sort of move that might conclude a series of “head-over-heels” handsprings. It’s also, I learned, a move that’s named after Biles. I thought fans of gymnastics might appreciate that extra level of detail, so The Biles went into my punch line.

Joke About Putin’s Valentine

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The joke:

Monday is Valentine’s Day, and everybody’s getting into the spirit. Even Vladimir Putin sent Ukraine a Valentine reading “Won’t you be mine?”

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about Valentine’s Day because it’s a well-known cultural phenomenon. It also has lots of associations–cards, candy, flowers, Cupid, and so on–which makes it a fertile topic for joke-writing.

Valentine’s Day is such a fertile topic that when I wrote for “Late Night with David Letterman” we did a Desk Piece called something like “How They’re Celebrating Valentine’s Day.” It consisted of about a dozen jokes linking various associations of Valentine’s Day to associations of various celebrities.

Remembering that Desk Piece, I decided to use my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. Because Russia’s possible invasion of Ukraine was also in the news, I decided to link Valentine’s Day to Russian president Vladimir Putin.

To do that, I brainstormed associations of Valentine’s Day, one of which is those little candy hearts with sayings printed on them. The first such saying that popped into my head was “Be Mine.” Luckily for me, “Be Mine” seemed to express how Putin feels about Ukraine. So I had the idea for my punch line.

Mentioning the candy hearts in the actual joke seemed unnecessarily distracting. So I simplified the joke by having Putin just send Ukraine a Valentine with the saying.

But I worded the saying as “Won’t you be mine?” instead of “Be Mine.” Shorter is usually better, but I thought that making the joke clearer was worth adding two words.

If Russia does invade Ukraine, jokes like this will be trickier to pull off. But because the tanks haven’t rolled yet, I decided this joke would be acceptable to the audience.

Joke About the New White House Cat

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The joke:

There’s a new White House pet, a short-haired cat named Willow. Between all the napping, getting groomed, and wandering around aimlessly, President Biden hasn’t had the time to meet the cat yet.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could turn this news item into a joke because the topic handles “cat” and “White House” each seemed to have enough associations to link into a punch line.

Turning to my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic–I brainstormed activities that could be associated with both a cat and President Biden. I was aiming for a joke that misleads the audience into thinking I’m talking about the cat but actually–surprise!–I’m talking about Biden.

Napping and wandering around aimlessly were the first two activities that came to mind. Cats are known for engaging in them, and I thought my audience would associate them with Biden, too.

I could have settled for just those two activities but I wanted to add a third, to strengthen the misdirection. Ideally the third activity would be one that people would, at first, associate more with cats than with Biden. “Getting groomed” did the job.

I considered keeping the punch line shorter, wording it as “President Biden hasn’t met the cat yet.” But I decided that that wording could mean the cat has been so busy that it hasn’t been available to meet Biden yet. So, for clarity, I added the phrase about Biden not having the time.

The original news item centered on the Bidens adopting the cat. But I took any reference to Biden out of the topic sentence. That’s because my Joke Maximizer #5 is “Don’t telegraph the punch line.”

Joke About a Pfizer Pill in France

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The joke:

Today Pfizer said it will add a production facility for its antiviral Covid-19 pill in France. Is that a good idea? If you’re making a pill that gives you back your sense of smell, do you really want to do that in France?

How I wrote it:

I chose this news item to base a joke on because it has two handles–“Covid-19” and “France”–that seemed to have enough associations. Plus I asked myself why Pfizer might think that France was a good place to make pills that fight Covid-19.

That question pointed me toward my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. As I brainstormed associations of “Covid-19” and “France,” I tried to think of how to link them in a way that would explain Pfizer’s decision.

One association of “Covid-19” is “lose your sense of smell.” And one association of “France” is “smelly,” thanks to its reputation for stinky cheeses and infrequent bathing. So I decided to create a punch line stating that Pfizer’s decision was somehow connected to the smelliness of the French.

To figure out the wording of the punch line, I worked out an underlying logic: Because the French are perceived as smelly, you wouldn’t want a sense of smell if you were in France. But Pfizer’s pill would give back the sense of smell to people in France with Covid-19. So maybe building that pill facility in France isn’t a good idea.

Shortening and tidying up that chain of logic gave me my angle and punch line. As I edited, I obeyed my Joke Maximizer #11: Don’t be too on-the-nose. The final punch line doesn’t state directly that the French are smelly, as this version does: “If you make a pill that gives you back your sense of smell, then more people will have to smell the stinky French.”

Joke About Prince Andrew’s Titles

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The joke:

Today Buckingham Palace announced that Prince Andrew has been stripped of all his military titles and charities. The good news is, for those plane trips to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island, Prince Andrew gets to keep the frequent flyer miles.

How I wrote it:

I chose this topic because it was a big news story. Plus it’s fun to use comedy to “punch up” at a prince.

I went with my Punch Line Maker #3–Ask a question about the topic. That’s because the topic invited the question “What other nice things did Prince Andrew lose?”

Something silly like “the balance on his Starbucks gift card” seemed too arbitrary because it wasn’t linked to a topic handle.

But Starbucks gift cards reminded me of airline frequent flyer miles. And airline frequent flyer miles reminded me of an association of the topic handle “Prince Andrew,” namely “Jeffrey Epstein.”

I remembered that accused sex trafficker Epstein had a private island, and I confirmed online that Prince Andrew had flown there. That information made it possible for me to answer my question about what else Prince Andrew lost with a punch line about the frequent flier miles related to his alleged sex trips.

I used the angle “the good news is” because it heightens the surprise of the punch line; it leads the audience to expect some counterbalancing good news for Prince Andrew. But ultimately the news is, in the context of the really bad news, totally insignificant.

My Joke Maximizer #2 is “End on the laugh trigger.” That’s why the joke doesn’t end in a more natural-sounding but less surprising way like “The good news is, Prince Andrew gets to keep the frequent flyer miles he earned for those plane trips to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.”

Joke About Free Covid Test Kits

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The joke:

According to the Biden administration, free Covid test kits will be made available to anyone who wants one starting later this month. The bad news is, the test kits are being provided by Elizabeth Holmes.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news story would be good to base a joke on because it was widely covered. Also, the number of free test kits promised–500 million–was conspicuously huge, although I edited that detail out of my final joke when it turned out to be unnecessary.

Partly because the topic has only one obvious handle–“free Covid test kits”–I gravitated toward using my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

One question that popped into my head was “Who will provide the test kits?” That’s probably because another big story at the time was about Elizabeth Holmes. She had just been convicted of fraud in connection with her blood testing company, Theranos. So I decided it would be funny if she was the one providing the test kits. And I had my punch line.

But I had to decide exactly how to word it. My Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear.” That argued for a detailed punch line, something like “the test kits are being provided by convicted Theranos fraudster Elizabeth Holmes.” But my Joke Maximizer #11 advises “Don’t be too on-the-nose,” which a detailed punch line ran the risk of being.

In the end I made a judgment call, which comedy writers often do, and limited the punch line to just “Elizabeth Holmes.” I decided to pay my audience the compliment of assuming that they would know who she is.

I often use the efficient angle “The bad news is” to guide the audience from a positive topic to a negative punch line.

Joke About Exercise Bikes in McDonald’s

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The joke:

McDonald’s in China is testing exercise bikes that customers can ride while they eat, to stay healthier. Experts say the idea of staying healthy while eating at McDonald’s is perfect for customers who are McDelusional.

How I wrote it:

The original news story focused mainly on how McDonald’s in China wants the exercise bikes to “inspire more green behaviours”: the bikes can generate electricity, which can be used to charge electronic devices like mobile phones.

But at least one version of the story also mentioned that the company thought the bikes would promote healthiness. That idea struck me as ridiculous, which led me to believe I could write a joke reflecting that emotional reaction.

To do that, I used my Punch Line Maker #6, asking the question “Who would believe that eating at McDonald’s could be healthy?” The obvious answer to that question–somebody who’s delusional–became the basis of my punch line.

When I worded the punch line, I wanted to obey my Joke Maximizer #11–Don’t be too on-the-nose. I also noticed that “delusional” sounds a little like “Donald.” So I devised the portmanteau “McDelusional” to make my point without being completely direct about it.

Finally I wrote an angle that reinforces the supposed connection between McDonald’s food and healthiness. That way my punch line about delusion would be immediately clear.

A lot of people don’t like jokes involving puns and other forms of wordplay. But this joke is an example of how wordplay jokes can be funny as long as they’re well-constructed. For more about this, read my article “Why Do People Not Like Puns?”

Joke About the Webb Space Telescope

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The joke:

Yesterday was the launch of the $10 billion Webb Space Telescope. Astronomers say it’s so powerful that it’ll be able to scan the universe and find someone who actually went to see Steven Spielberg’s “West Side Story.”

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about the Webb Space Telescope because it was a big news story. Plus I thought I could use my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture.

To do that, I thought of associations of the topic handle “Webb Space Telescope.” One association, which was highlighted by the news coverage, is “very powerful.” Then I tried to think of somebody or something in pop culture that you’d need a really powerful telescope to see.

Steven Spielberg’s “West Side Story” is part of pop culture. A friend told the story of how he and his wife went to see it and were only two of six people in the theater. A quick search online confirmed that multiple sources said the movie is a bomb in terms of ticket sales. So I linked the topic to pop culture via a punch line stating that very few people went to see the movie.

Were attendees at the movie so scarce that you’d need an incredibly powerful telescope to spot even one of them? Of course not. But my Joke Maximize #8 is “Wildly exaggerate.”

I added “scan the universe and” to emphasize how hard it would be to find someone anywhere who had seen the movie. I also thought that phrase would help misdirect the audience into thinking that the joke would be about finding astronomical features. That misdirection would heighten the surprise, and funniness, of the punch line.

Is the joke too mean? No. Steven Spielberg is one of the most successful directors in history. So this joke is “punching up,” and therefore almost certainly acceptable to most people.

Joke About Kim Kardashian’s Law Exam

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The joke:

Congratulations to Kim Kardashian, who just passed California’s First-Year Law Students’ Examination. You can tell she didn’t have a cheat sheet on her because during the exam she posted a nude selfie.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my attention because it surprised me: I wouldn’t have expected that reality TV star Kim Kardashian could pass what must be a difficult exam.

Also, as a topic handle Kim Kardashian has some associations that I thought would be useful in writing a joke. That is, I thought I could use this news item with my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic.

But some associations of Kim Kardashian that I’ve used in the past were hard to link to the other topic handle, “First-Year Law Students’ Examination.” For example, how could I link “excessive bikini waxing” to a law exam? And I couldn’t easily link “not very smart” or “doesn’t do any real work” to the exam. That’s because she did pass the exam, which must have required some brains and studying.

Then I thought of the Kim Kardashian association “takes nude selfies” and asked myself how I could link that to taking the exam. And it occurred to me that one association of “taking a difficult exam” is “using a cheat sheet.” That’s when I realized that I could link those two associations by basing a punch line on the idea that a nude selfie would prove she wasn’t hiding a cheat sheet.

Because my Joke Maximizer #2 is “End on the laugh trigger,” I worded the joke to put “nude selfie” at the very end.

Finally, the original news item called the exam the “baby bar exam,” which is apparently how it’s usually referred to. But I used the full name of the exam to make the topic as clear as possible, per my Joke Maximizer #4.