Author Archives: Joe Toplyn

Joke About Student Debt Cancellation

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The joke:

Senator Mitch McConnell called President Biden’s decision to cancel some student debt “a slap in the face to working Americans.” McConnell said the decision is so bad it’s like working Americans told a joke about Will Smith’s wife.

How I wrote it:

I decided to write a joke about the student debt cancellation because it was big news. Plus a lot of people seemed to have an opinion about it.

But that meant the story was tricky to write a joke about because if my joke expressed an opinion about it, a lot of my audience might disagree with that opinion and not laugh.

So I dug deeper into the debt cancellation story and noticed the McConnell quote about a slap. My mind turned to my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture; I associated “slap” with Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars. That’s how I got the idea for my topic and punch line.

To work out the exact wording of the joke, I thought about it logically. That’s because my Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear,” which includes the logic of the joke. If, as McConnell said, working Americans got a slap in the face, then my punch line should say that working Americans got slapped by Will Smith.

And if working Americans got slapped by Will Smith, then my joke logic should say they told a joke about his wife.

This is an example of how to write jokes for a mass audience about potentially divisive news stories. Be sure your topics and punch lines are facts, not opinions. In the case of this joke, McConnell’s quote and Smith’s slap are both facts.

Also, if a suitable joke topic isn’t apparent from the headline of the divisive story, keep reading. The detail most useful for a topic, like the slap quote, may not appear until farther down in the story.

Joke About the Casper Mattress Company

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The joke:

The Casper mattress company is looking to hire people with “exceptional sleeping ability” to demonstrate its mattresses. “Exceptional sleeping ability”…so basically they’re looking for people who don’t watch the news.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my eye because the topic handle “exceptional sleeping ability” seemed to have lots of associations I could use to create a punch line.

But there wasn’t an obvious second topic handle. “Casper” has the association “Casper the Friendly Ghost,” but that seemed a little too obscure. And “mattress” has many of the same associations as “exceptional sleeping ability,” so finding a surprising way to link two associations seemed hard.

That’s why I gravitated to my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic. The topic is about exceptional sleeping ability, so I asked myself, “Who sleeps a lot?”

To answer that question, I tried to think of something in pop culture that would put most people to sleep, like a boring TV show. But then I realized that if something puts most people to sleep, people wouldn’t need exceptional sleeping ability to sleep through it.

To keep the logic of my joke solid, I then tried to think of something in pop culture that would make it hard for most people to sleep; anybody who could sleep after that would have the required exceptional sleeping ability.

But if I picked a pop culture event that would only give some people insomnia, like something Trump or Biden did, I risked dividing my audience.

So instead, I based my punch line on the idea that everybody who watches the news sees something that makes them lose sleep.

Finally, I repeated the phrase “exceptional sleeping ability” in the angle, to make it clear what part of the topic the punch line relates to.

Joke About Kissing Poultry

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The joke:

Because of salmonella outbreaks, the CDC is warning people not to “kiss or snuggle” backyard poultry like ducks and chickens. Apparently prices are getting so high that some people were doing anything to get free eggs.

How I wrote it:

This news item was so weird that it caught my attention. And if a news item catches your attention, it might make a good joke topic.

To me the news item raised the question, “Why would anyone want to ‘kiss or snuggle’ backyard poultry?” That is, I gravitated toward my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

I considered possible answers to that question. I couldn’t think of any usable answer that involved having a romantic relationship with the poultry. And an answer implying that some poultry owners are really lonely seemed too obvious.

But then it occurred to me that somebody might kiss or snuggle poultry to persuade them to do something. One of the associations of “poultry” is “lay eggs.” So I decided to write a punch line that says the poultry kissers want the poultry to give them free eggs.

In coming up with the final wording, I considered my Joke Maximizer #4, which is “Make everything clear.” And the logic of this punch line didn’t seem clear enough: “Apparently some people were doing anything to get free eggs.” Eggs are easily obtainable in stores. Why would anybody do something drastic like kissing or snuggling poultry to get them?

Then I remembered the pop culture phenomenon of inflation, and how it’s raising grocery prices. Inflation has made eggs much more expensive, which would justify more extreme measures to get them for free. So I added the idea of high prices to the angle of the joke. I thought that strengthening the logical connection between the topic and the punch line was worth the additional words.

Joke About the Fourth of July

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The joke:

It’s the Fourth of July weekend. So if you love to see lots of fireworks and explosions, just go to the airport and watch people when they hear their flights are canceled.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about this topic because it was in the news and has many potentially useful associations.

Because the topic has only one handle, “Fourth of July,” I used my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. I started by brainstorming associations of the topic handle. At the top of that list was “fireworks,” which to me suggested “angry people.”

So then I asked myself who in pop culture could be described as angry. Was any celebrity couple feuding? Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were, but they didn’t seem to be angry right now.

Or how about politics? Plenty of people are angry about the Supreme Court’s recent ruling on Roe v. Wade. But I didn’t think my audience would accept a joke about that topic.

Then I remembered a pop culture phenomenon that was actually another association of “Fourth of July”: the many delayed and canceled flights during one of the biggest travel weekends of the year. Realizing that the passengers booked on those flights would be angry, I had the idea for my punch line.

My Joke Maximizer #2 is “End on the laugh trigger.” That’s why I put the most surprising words in the punch line–“their flights are canceled”–at the very end.

And I added “explosions” to the angle. That’s because I thought it would help guide the audience from “fireworks” to the angry people that the punch line refers to.

Joke About Revlon’s Bankruptcy

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The joke:

Cosmetics maker Revlon has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in the U.S. Actually, instead of just going with Chapter 11, it used its own Volumazing Mascara and filed for Chapter 11111111111.

How I wrote it:

I focused on this news item because the topic handle “Chapter 11” has let me write some good jokes in the past. Plus the other topic handle, “Revlon,” is associated with lots of cosmetic products that I thought I could link to an association of Chapter 11 to create a punch line.

I used a technique I don’t use very often, Punch Line Maker #5: Visualize the topic. To do that, I paid attention to how the words “Chapter 11” actually look. Then I thought of things that resemble the two short, straight lines of “11.”

At the same time, I ran a list of Revlon cosmetic products through my mind. I thought of mascara, then a sub-association, eyelashes. It occurred to me that “11” looks like sparse eyelashes. And I had the idea for my punch line.

I decided on “Chapter 11111111111” as the laugh trigger because I thought the series of ones resembled enhanced eyelashes. I realized that, with that laugh trigger, the joke would probably only work in print, not if delivered orally. But I was okay with that.

To make the punch line clear–per my Joke Maximizer #4–I repeated “Chapter 11” in the angle. That way the audience would have that image at the top of their mind when they saw the punch line.

And I employed my Joke Maximizer #9–Get specific–by using the real name of a Revlon mascara. I was glad to see “volumazing” in the name, because it conveys the idea of “making bigger,” which helps the audience understand why the “11” turned into “11111111111.”

Joke About the Series “Obi-Wan Kenobi”

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The joke:

This week the “Star Wars” series “Obi-Wan Kenobi” premieres on Disney Plus. But before you get too excited, there’s also a series with Jar Jar Binks coming to Disney Minus.

How I wrote it:

I decided to write a joke about this news item because the topic seemed pretty fertile: the topic handles– Obi-Wan Kenobi and Disney Plus–have many associations I thought I could link into punch lines to use my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

The first associations that occurred to me for Obi-Wan Kenobi were other well-known “Star Wars” characters. My attention focused on Jar Jar Binks because I thought I could use his sub-association “widely loathed” to create a punch line.

More specifically, I asked myself the question, “Where would a series about a widely loathed character appear?” Luckily, I was able to change only one word of the other topic handle, Disney Plus, to answer that question in a punchy and surprising way.

The joke might have worked without the angle “But before you get too excited.” But I included those words to be sure the audience immediately got the negative connotation of my punch line “Disney Minus.”

I also added the phrase “the ‘Star Wars’ series” to the topic. I wanted to make sure that even casual fans would know who Obi-Wan Kenobi is without thinking too much about it.

And I used my Joke Maximizer #6–Make the punch line parallel: I worded the punch line so it has the same “series/character/streaming service” structure as the topic.

Joke About Overpriced Beer

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The joke:

Officials are tightening the rules on concession prices at New York City-area airports after they found one bar at LaGuardia charging $27 for a beer. It was a Boston lager: Scam Adams.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could turn this news item into a joke because the idea of high-priced beer seemed to have a lot of promising associations.

More specifically, I thought I could use my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic. The question I asked was “What was the name of the beer?” I asked it because I knew that “beer” is associated with a lot of brand names. And I thought I could get a punch line by linking a beer name to an association of “$27 for a beer,” namely, some word or phrase that means “rip-off.”

To help in brainstorming, I called up a list of popular beers online. As I read each name I tried to come up with a wordplay link to a word like “swindle,” “fraud,” “thief,” or “cheat.”

Eventually I took another look at the beer involved in the actual airport rip-off: Sam Adams Summer Ale. And I realized I could substitute “scam” for “Sam” to create my punch line.

I might have gotten away with a shorter angle like “It was a.” But I added the words “Boston lager” to the angle to ensure the audience would immediately make the connection to “Sam Adams” when they heard the punch line.

My Joke Maximizer #3 says, “Backload the topic.” So I rewrote the topic to move to the end the information that’s most important for the punch line: “$27 for a beer.”

Joke About National Teacher Appreciation Day

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The joke:

Today in the U.S., it’s National Teacher Appreciation Day. I know, that’s a long word. Just sound it out. Uh…pree…shee…AY…shun. Can anybody tell me what that means? Anybody?

How I wrote it:

I picked this news item because the topic handle “teacher” seemed to have associations that I could use to create a punch line. Plus the item doesn’t relate to any of the tricky political issues that dominate the news these days.

I used my Punch Line Maker #1, but not in the usual way.  The usual way would have been to link an association of “teacher” to an association of another topic handle, “appreciation.” That would have resulted in a punch line that, for example, stated in a surprising way how a teacher might show or be shown appreciation.

Instead, I associated “appreciation” with its characteristic of being a relatively long word.

And to create a punch line, I linked that characteristic to an association of “teacher,” namely the way a teacher might help a young student to read a long word out loud.

My Joke Maximizer # 4 is “Make everything clear.” To clarify the connection between the punch line and “teacher,” I added an ending where the joke writer talks to his readers as if they are students in a classroom.

The word “Anybody?” at the very end adds a final surprise, and bit of humor, because it implies that the readers didn’t understand the joke they just read.

Of course, because this joke is based on how a word appears in print, it wouldn’t work if delivered orally.

Joke About Hot Glue Guns

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The joke:

Dollar Tree is recalling more than a million hot glue guns because they can malfunction. And some people are pretty angry about it. In fact, Martha Stewart said, “You can have my hot glue gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands that I’ve hot-glued it to.”

How I wrote it:

As soon as I read this news item I associated the topic handle “hot glue guns” with crafting enthusiast Martha Stewart. That is, I decided I could use my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture.

Exaggerating for comic effect (as per my Joke Maximizer #8), I thought that she’d be really angry if a company tried to take away her beloved hot glue gun. And I guessed that I could write a funny punch line in which she expressed that anger.

Then I associated “guns” in “hot glue guns” with the familiar NRA slogan about gun enthusiasts having their guns taken away. So to create my punch line I just substituted “hot glue gun” in the slogan for “gun.”

But having Stewart say only “You can have my hot glue gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands” didn’t feel like quite enough to me. Maybe that’s because the slogan is so long and familiar that I thought the audience would be able to predict it based on its first few words. That is, the long punch line itself would violate my Joke Maximizer #5: Don’t telegraph the punch line.

To solve that problem, I ended the punch line with a final surprise by adding the part about hot-gluing the hot glue gun to her hands.

Finally I added the angle “And some people are pretty angry about it.” That way the audience would be in the proper mindset to quickly understand the meaning of Stewart’s quote, and of the punch line.

Joke About Will Smith’s Slap

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The joke:

Yesterday “King Richard” Oscar-winner Will Smith apologized to Chris Rock for slapping him in the face at the Academy Awards. Smith also apologized to Venus and Serena Williams for not following-through on his forehand.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about this news item because it featured a topic handle, The Slap, that a lot of people were interested in. The handle also had a lot of associations that I could turn into punch lines.

Because the video of The Slap was so memorable, I gravitated to my Punch Line Maker #5: Visualize the topic. I thought about Smith slapping Rock and brainstormed about what that slapping motion resembled.

As I did, I remembered that Smith, another topic handle, had won an Oscar for portraying the father of two tennis superstars. I also remembered that tennis players are associated with the forehand stroke. When I realized that Smith’s slapping motion resembled a tennis forehand, I decided to link those two motions in a punch line.

To make the punch line work, I did some editing to my rough draft. My Joke Maximizer #6 is “Make the punch line parallel.” So I had Smith apologizing to people in the punch line for something he did, the same way he apologized to someone in the topic for something he did.

My Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear.” So I added to the topic a reference to “King Richard.” I wanted to make sure the audience immediately got the connection between the Williams sisters in the punch line and Will Smith.

I realized that my punch line implies that Smith wasn’t very serious in his apology to Rock. But I thought my audience would accept that implication. That’s because Smith apologized to other people at the Oscars, but not Rock.