Author Archives: Joe Toplyn

Joke About a Star Wars-Themed Hotel

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The joke:

Disney is closing its immersive Star Wars-themed hotel in Orlando. Apparently they may have gone a little too far with the Star Wars theme: hotel guests kept finding their bathtub drains clogged with Wookiee hair.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could get a good joke out of this topic because it has two handles–“Star Wars” and “hotel”–that have lots of associations that could be linked to create a punch line.

The topic raised the question in my mind “Why are they closing their Star Wars-themed hotel?” That is, I started the joke-writing process with my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

To answer that question in a surprising way, and thus get a punch line, I decided to come up with a specific problem that the Star Wars theme could have caused at the hotel.

To do that, I first brainstormed problems that a hotel stay could be associated with. As I did, I remembered the time I checked into a low-budget motel and found a hair in the bathtub that the cleaner had missed. Exaggerating that one hair into a drain full of hair, I arrived at a problem that would really repel hotel guests.

Next I brainstormed associations of “Star Wars” in search of a hairy character. Chewbacca quickly came to mind, but “Wookiee” (I checked the spelling) sounded a little funnier. And that’s how I arrived at the basic idea for my punch line, a drain full of Wookiee hair.

As I chose the words for the punch line, I had in mind my Joke Maximizer #7: Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance. Starting with the T in “hotel,” the finished punch line has 13 stop consonants (B, D, G, K, P, and T), which help make the joke as funny as it can be.

I also used my Joke Maximizer #4: Make everything clear. I did that by repeating “Star Wars” in the angle, to make sure the audience would immediately remember what “Wookiee” means.

Joke About Dinosaurs with Lips

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The joke:

A new study says that Tyrannosaurus rex and other dinosaurs had lips. Which explains why the next “Jurassic Park” sequel will be a romantic comedy.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my eye because it was so weird. And the two topic handles—dinosaurs and lips—each seemed to have enough associations for me to use in one of my Punch Line Makers.

I started by trying my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. I tried to think of some dinosaur-like has-been of a celebrity who uses a lot of makeup. Kris Jenner came to mind, but she didn’t seem quite right.

Then I tried my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic. I asked myself what the brand name would be of a lipstick made for dinosaurs. But I couldn’t think of a real-life lipstick brand name that I could easily blend with a type of dinosaur.

Finally I arrived at my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. I associated the topic handle “lips” with “kissing,” and with the vivid image of two dinosaurs kissing.

That image seemed very cinematic and prompted the question, In what movie might one see two dinosaurs kissing passionately? “Jurassic Park” seemed like a step towards the answer.

Then it occurred to me that a “Jurassic Park” romantic comedy would be a logical answer to the question. And I had the idea for my punch line.

Stating that the next sequel will be a romantic comedy seemed to me to have an extra element of truth—and therefore funniness. Turning “Jurassic Park” into a romantic comedy seemed like the sort of desperate move the studio might make to wring a few more box office dollars from a tired movie franchise.

Joke About a Tattoo Artist

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The joke:

A tattoo artist in India broke a Guinness World Record when he gave tattoos for 91 consecutive hours. He would have made it to 92 hours, but somebody asked for a tattoo of a dozen sheep.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news item might lead to a good joke because it has two promising handles, “tattoo artist” and “91 consecutive hours.” Plus the item conjures up a vivid mental image, an exhausted guy tattooing.

I started with my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. The handle “91 consecutive hours” suggests, among other things, “really tired.” That association has the sub-association “fall asleep.”

The second topic handle, “tattoo artist,” has the association “a tattoo.” Trying to link that association with “fall asleep,” I asked myself the question “What tattoo would make him fall asleep?” My playful answer, a succession of sheep, became the basis of my punch line.

To complete the joke, I had to add an angle. I considered angles like “He would have kept going, but he fell asleep when…” But that angle would have violated my Joke Maximizer #5: Don’t telegraph the punch line.

And the phrase “he would have kept going” didn’t seem to steer the audience strongly enough toward the important idea of falling asleep.

So I came up with “he would have made it to 92 hours.” That phrase emphasizes that the tattoo artist had already stayed awake for a really long time.

The original news item ended with “…he spent 91 consecutive hours giving tattoos to 64 people.” But my Joke Maximizer #1 is “Shorten as much as possible.” So I took out the unnecessary detail “64 people.”

And my Joke Maximizer #3 is “Backload the topic.” So I moved the phrase that’s most important to the punch line, “91 consecutive hours,” to the end.

Joke About Valentine’s Day Doughnuts

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The joke:

Krispy Kreme just introduced heart-shaped doughnuts filled with cream and made with real Hershey’s chocolate. They’re perfect for Valentine’s Day. Not only are they delicious, but it’ll be easier for Cupid’s arrow to hit you if you put on forty pounds.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my attention because it has two fertile topic handles, “fattening doughnuts” and “Valentine’s Day.” Plus I had a reaction to it like “Wow, those are really, really fattening.” And if a news item provokes a strong reaction in you, it may be a good candidate to be a joke topic.

To come up with a punch line, I visualized the topic, as recommended by my Punch Line Maker #5. I imagined someone eating a lot of those doughnuts. Then I exaggerated that mental image: the doughnut eater grows to an enormous size.

I also visualized associations of the other topic handle, “Valentine’s Day,” and thought of Cupid shooting his arrow. Then I mentally pictured Cupid aiming at the massive doughnut eater. That’s how I linked the two topic handles and got the idea for my punch line.

The original news item contained unnecessary details, like the names of the doughnut varieties. To keep the joke as short as possible, I edited the topic down to include only the details that reinforce the idea that those doughnuts are really fattening.

The joke would work almost as well without “Not only are they delicious, but…” But I added the phrase to misdirect the audience a little bit more, to make the punch line more surprising. That phrase leads the audience to expect some bland ending like, “Not only are they delicious, but they’re not just the same old box of chocolates.”

Joke About Disney Employees Going Back to the Office

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The joke:

The CEO of Disney just ordered all hybrid employees to come back into the office four days a week. He would have said five days a week, but because it’s Disney, employees have to spend a whole day outside in the hot sun waiting in line to get in the building.

How I wrote it:

This news item seemed like a promising basis for a joke because the topic handle “Disney” has a lot of associations that can be used to create punch lines.

The specificity of “four days a week” prompted a question in my mind: “Why weren’t those employees asked to come in five days a week?” That is, I gravitated toward my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

To make a punch line, I tried to answer that question by using some association of “Disney.” As I considered which association to focus on, I visualized the topic: I formed a mental image of employees filing into a Disney building.

Then I realized that that image was similar to an image of parkgoers waiting in a long line outside a Disneyland attraction. Once I decided that most people would accept that waiting in a Disney line could take a whole day, I had the idea for my punch line.

The punch line is on the long side, and my Joke Maximizer #1 is “Shorten as much as possible.” Could I take any words out of the punch line without hurting the joke? I don’t think so.

I need the second “Disney” to make sure the audience thinks of a Disney theme park when I conjure up that image of the long line of people.

Likewise, I need “outside,” “hot sun,” and “building” to make sure the audience visualizes a line of parkgoers waiting to get into an attraction.

By including all those words, I kept the joke as short as possible while also using my Joke Maximizer #4: Make everything clear.

Joke About the Wright Brothers

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The joke:

On this day in history, December 17, 1903, Wilbur and Orville Wright became the first people to successfully fly an airplane. The very next day, Wilbur and his fiancée joined the Yard High Club.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news item would make a good joke topic because the handles, “fly an airplane” and “1903,” have lots of associations that could be useful in my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

I started by brainstorming associations of “fly an airplane” that might be funny in connection with that first plane flight. Maybe the Wright brothers’ luggage somehow got lost. Or maybe Wilbur and Orville argued about who got the armrest.

But those associations seemed a bit stale. A more promising association, “Mile High Club,” also seemed a bit overused.

But then I gravitated towards my Punch Line Maker #5—Visualize the topic. I remembered the image of a Wright brother lying flat in that primitive biplane, flying just a few feet above the sand. And I realized I could link that extremely low altitude to “Mile High Club” to create a punch line.

For a punch line to work, the audience has to accept it as true. The idea that the first successful airplane would immediately be used for a sexual purpose struck me as true, and funny, because that tends to happen to most new technologies.

My first draft of the laugh trigger was something like “Six-Foot High Club.” But I wanted to use my Joke Maximizer #6: “Make the punch line parallel.” So I revised it to “Yard High Club,” to match the number of syllables in “Mile High Club.”

Finally, I picked Wilbur to be the frisky brother because his name contains the stop consonant B, and my Joke Maximizer #7 is “Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance.”

Joke About the Pine Sol Recall

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The joke:

Clorox is recalling some of its Pine Sol disinfectant cleaning products because they may contain infection-causing bacteria. Listen, if your disinfectant can cause an infection, you don’t need a recall, you need a dictionary.

How I wrote it:

My immediate reaction when I first read this news item was to ask myself questions like, “Isn’t Pine Sol a disinfectant? So how can it have bacteria in it?” That is, I gravitated to my Punch Line Maker #6: State the obvious about the topic.

To use that Punch Line Maker, I planned to write a punch line based on an obvious answer to those obvious questions. The obvious answer would be something like, “Pine Sol isn’t actually a disinfectant.”

But my Joke Maximizer #11 is “Don’t be too on-the-nose.” And ending the joke with words like “Apparently Pine Sol isn’t actually a disinfectant” would be too on-the-nose. As a result, the joke wouldn’t be as surprising, and funny, as it could be.

As I thought about a less direct way to word the punch line, I did some research on Pine Sol and confirmed that it is indeed a disinfectant. I wanted to confirm that fact because not every news story about the recall mentioned it.

I also looked up “disinfectant” in the dictionary to confirm that disinfectants kill bacteria. My using the dictionary gave me the idea of making “dictionary” the laugh trigger of my, now off-the-nose, punch line.

I also made sure to include “disinfectant” in the topic of the joke because that word is so important to the punch line.

And consistent with my Joke Maximizer #1—Shorten as much as possible—I omitted from the topic all unnecessary details, like exactly which Pine Sol products were being recalled.

Joke About a Saxophone Player

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The joke:

Doctors in Italy successfully performed brain surgery while the patient remained awake and played the saxophone. The doctors removed a tumor that was causing a debilitating condition known as “malignant Kenny G.”

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my attention because it was so weird. Plus the handles “brain surgery” and “saxophone” seemed to have enough associations to link into a punch line.

I gravitated toward my Punch Line Maker #3—Ask a question about the topic—because the news item begged the question “Why was that surgical patient playing the saxophone?”

To create a punch line that answers that question in a surprising way, I brainstormed associations of “saxophone.” I reasoned that the doctors might have been operating to stop the patient from compulsively playing the saxophone. Maybe the patient was imitating some famous sax player?

I couldn’t immediately think of any sax players so I searched online and turned up Kenny G. He was perfect, because I assumed my audience would agree that even brain surgery would be justified if it meant stopping somebody from playing like Kenny G. So he became the basis of my punch line.

For the actual wording of the punch line, I wanted a concise way to say, “The patient was compulsively imitating Kenny G.” It seemed funny to state that the behavior was caused by a medical condition named after the saxophonist, so I invented one by adding “malignant” to his name.

The surgeons removed a tumor in real life, so I included that fact in my angle because it connected the topic logically to “malignant Kenny G.” And I called the condition “debilitating” to have a little more fun at the expense of Kenny G’s music.

Finally, I made sure to include “successfully” in the topic. That word gives the audience permission to laugh at somebody who had brain surgery.

Joke About Photos of a Planet

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The joke:

NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope captured its first direct images of a planet beyond our solar system. The planet appears to have 12 times the mass of Jupiter, but you know the expression, the space camera adds 10 masses of Jupiter.

How I wrote it:

This news item got my attention because the topic handles “space” and “captured images” seemed to have enough associations to use in my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

But I had written a joke or two about the Webb telescope before and wanted a new approach to the topic.

So I read deeper into the news article and noticed the detail about the planet appearing to have 12 times the mass of Jupiter. Some saying about camera images and weight popped into my head. So I looked up the exact wording: “The camera adds ten pounds.” That’s how I arrived at the basis for my punch line.

To flesh out the joke, I added to it the necessary detail “The planet appears to have 12 times the mass of Jupiter.” I could have taken out some other, less-important details, to arrive at shorter wording like “NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope captured images of a planet that appears to have 12 times the mass of Jupiter.” But I decided that the longer version would work better because its air of importance would make the silly punch line more surprising and, therefore, funnier.

In finalizing the wording, I used my Joke Maximizer #4: Make everything clear; I wanted to be sure the audience made the connection to the expression “The camera adds ten pounds.” So I kept the structure of that expression, only changing a few words to blend it with some space-related details in the topic.

Joke About Student Debt Cancellation

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The joke:

Senator Mitch McConnell called President Biden’s decision to cancel some student debt “a slap in the face to working Americans.” McConnell said the decision is so bad it’s like working Americans told a joke about Will Smith’s wife.

How I wrote it:

I decided to write a joke about the student debt cancellation because it was big news. Plus a lot of people seemed to have an opinion about it.

But that meant the story was tricky to write a joke about because if my joke expressed an opinion about it, a lot of my audience might disagree with that opinion and not laugh.

So I dug deeper into the debt cancellation story and noticed the McConnell quote about a slap. My mind turned to my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture; I associated “slap” with Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars. That’s how I got the idea for my topic and punch line.

To work out the exact wording of the joke, I thought about it logically. That’s because my Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear,” which includes the logic of the joke. If, as McConnell said, working Americans got a slap in the face, then my punch line should say that working Americans got slapped by Will Smith.

And if working Americans got slapped by Will Smith, then my joke logic should say they told a joke about his wife.

This is an example of how to write jokes for a mass audience about potentially divisive news stories. Be sure your topics and punch lines are facts, not opinions. In the case of this joke, McConnell’s quote and Smith’s slap are both facts.

Also, if a suitable joke topic isn’t apparent from the headline of the divisive story, keep reading. The detail most useful for a topic, like the slap quote, may not appear until farther down in the story.