Author Archives: Joe Toplyn

Joke About the Movie “Joker”

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The joke:

The movie “Joker” got 11 Oscar nominations. Hollywood insiders say it was the most votes cast for a deranged super-villain since the 2016 presidential election.

How I wrote it:

I focused on this news item because it was a pretty big story that I thought a lot of people would be interested in.

Also, I thought I could base a good joke on who the topic handle “joker” supposedly refers to. That is, I wanted to use Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture.

But “joker” didn’t call to mind any surprising celebrity in particular. I considered President Trump, but he doesn’t really joke around.

Still, I thought Trump had potential for a punch line. So I came up with a description of the Joker character–“deranged super-villain”–that could also apply to Trump, thereby linking the two.

Consistent with my Joke Maximizer #11–Don’t be too on-the-nose–I only referred to Trump indirectly in the laugh trigger, instead of naming him outright.

Because many people wouldn’t agree that Trump is a “deranged super-villain,” I said that that description came from “Hollywood insiders,” a group that most people would agree is ultra-liberal. That way my punch line would have the ring of truth to a wider audience.

Although “with weird hair” also applies to both the Joker and Trump, I left it out of the joke because I thought it would telegraph the punch line. Also, Trump hair jokes have been tired for a long time.

Joke About Harvey Weinstein’s Jury

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The joke:

Jury selection in Harvey Weinstein’s trial is now underway. Harvey invites women who would like to be on his jury to come up to his hotel room to discuss it over cocktails.

How I wrote it:

Harvey Weinstein’s legal problems are an excellent source of joke topics. Because he used to be a powerful Hollywood bigwig, and his troubles are of his own creation, making a joke at his expense is definitely “punching up.”

When I saw that news item, the question formed in my mind, “How is that jury being selected?” That is, I gravitated to my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

My next step was to answer that question using associations of the topic. The main handle of the topic, “Harvey Weinstein,” has a lot of associations, like how he’d offer women roles in exchange for sexual favors, and how he’d meet those women in his hotel room instead of a public place.

So I answered my original question, and came up with a punch line, by imagining a characteristic way in which Weinstein might cast his jury.

To make sure that he’s capable of doing what the punch line says, I double-checked that he’s out on bail. A joke has to have clear logic in order to be as funny as possible.

I ended on “cocktails” because the word has an appropriate air of lechery about it. Also, my Joke Maximizer #7 is “Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance,” and “cocktails” packs three stop consonants into only two syllables.

Joke About Bernie Sanders’s Health

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The joke:

Two cardiologists declared that Democratic presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders is in good health. But this is odd. The doctors said he has a left ventricle and a far-left ventricle.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my attention because health care has a lot of potentially useful associations and Bernie has a few solid associations, too.

To write the joke I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. Bernie has the association “left,” which has the sub-association “far-left.” “Cardiologists” has the association “ventricle,” which has the sub-association “left ventricle.” My laugh trigger “far-left ventricle” links the two sub-associations.

To get a laugh, a punch line has to be accepted by most people as true. I thought that most people would accept that Bernie, as one of the farthest-left presidential candidates, would have at least one body part that could be described as “far-left.”

After I created the punch line, I completed the joke by adding the angle “But this is odd. The doctors said…” to connect the punch line logically, clearly, and naturally to the topic.

The original news item stated that Bernie released letters from three doctors, including the two cardiologists. But I didn’t mention the third doctor in my topic sentence in order to shorten the joke as much as possible, as my Joke Maximizer #1 recommends.

I got lucky that I could end the joke on “ventricle.” That word is funnier-than-average, thanks to its two stop consonant sounds, “t” and “k.”

Joke About the Founder of QVC

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The joke:

The founder of the television shopping network QVC died. He was 88, marked down from his regular age of 152.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my eye because the QVC network and death each have a lot of potentially useful associations.

But “death jokes,” although they’re a familiar format, can be tricky. When are they acceptable?

The formula “Comedy equals tragedy plus time” means that even somebody’s death can be an acceptable joke topic if enough time has passed. But the founder of QVC died very recently. Does that mean the news item is off-limits?

Not necessarily, because I also consult another formula that I devised: “Comedy equals tragedy minus emotional connection.” Although people close to the QVC founder wouldn’t be amused by a joke about his passing, most people have little emotional connection to him. That means they would probably allow themselves to laugh, especially because the founder died a natural death.

Once I decided that a joke about that news item would probably be acceptable to a mass audience, I turned to my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

One handle of the topic, “died,” has the association “age of the deceased.” The other topic handle, “QVC,” has the association “marked down from regular price.”

My punch line links those two associations by stating that the age of the deceased had been marked down from his unrealistically-high “regular age.”

Joke About the Articles of Impeachment

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The joke:

House Democrats haven’t sent the two articles of impeachment to the Senate yet. They say they’re waiting to add a third article so they can get free shipping.

How I wrote it:

This news item was one of the top stories of the day, so I wanted to write a joke about it. The nature of the story pointed me towards Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

The obvious question to me was, “Why haven’t they sent the two articles yet?” To create a punch line, I answered that question using associations of handles of the topic.

One topic handle, “sent,” has the association “mailed,” which has the sub-association “free shipping.” That sub-association was particularly top-of-mind when I wrote the joke, during the heart of the Christmas shopping season.

A second topic handle, “two articles,” has the association “three articles.” So I was able to link “free shipping” and “three articles” to create a punch line that answered my original question about why House Democrats are waiting to send the articles.

My experience writing for broadcast network TV shows has instilled in me a desire to entertain as large an audience as possible; ratings are very important. That means crafting political jokes that are unlikely to “split the room.” This joke is a good example of that.

Whatever you feel about President Trump and the Democrats, you’d have to agree with the facts that the joke needs you to accept as true, like the fact that the Democrats delayed sending the articles to the Senate and the fact that they did consider adding more articles of impeachment.

Joke About Stolen Money

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The joke:

A man was arrested for allegedly stealing $88,000 from a bank after he posted photos of the stolen cash on social media. He posted the photos on Facecrook and YouBoob.

How I wrote it:

When I read this news item I thought, “What an idiot.” Because the item provoked that emotional reaction from me I thought it might also interest an audience, which made it a promising topic for a joke.

To me the topic invited the question, “What social media did he post the photos on?” so I used my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic. To get a punch line, I answered that question using associations of the topic.

One obvious handle of the topic, “social media,” has the association “Facebook.” Another handle, “stealing,” has the association “crook.” Linking those two associations to form a fake website gave me a laugh trigger.

Because the handle “social media” seemed fertile, I tried to generate a second laugh trigger. The handle “What an idiot” has the association “boob,” which I blended with a second social media website, “YouTube.”

I considered adding a third laugh trigger combining “nitwit” and “Twitter,” but I thought “Nitwitter” wouldn’t be immediately clear.

Once I had the laugh triggers I went back to the topic and applied my Joke Maximizer #1: Shorten as much as possible. I shortened the original CNN news item, which had the headline “Prosecutors say a man stole $88,000 from a bank vault. The FBI caught him after he flashed stacks of bills on social media.”

Joke About the House Report on Trump

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The joke:

Next week Random House is publishing the House Intelligence Committee’s report on President Trump. They’ll even have a children’s edition entitled “James and the Giant Impeachment.”

How I wrote it:

The House Intelligence Committee’s report was a top story so I wanted to write a joke about it. And this particular news item about its publication promised to have enough associations that writing a joke wouldn’t be too hard.

I turned to my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. One handle of the topic, “House Intelligence Committee’s report,” has the association “impeachment.” Another topic handle, “publishing,” has the association “book.”

To link those two associations in a surprising way and come up with a punch line, I brainstormed titles of books that sound like “impeachment.” “Impeachment” sounds kind of like the last word in the title of the children’s book “James and the Giant Peach.” So performing the word substitution gave me my laugh trigger.

Finally, to set up my punch line by getting the audience thinking in the right direction, I wrote an angle that mentioned children’s books.

After I posted this joke on Facebook and Twitter, a friend of mine mentioned that late-night TV’s Stephen Colbert does a comedy segment entitled “Don and the Giant Impeach.” But I’ve never seen it.

Writers of topical jokes often come up with the same or similar jokes independent of one another. Here’s an article I wrote about that phenomenon.

Seth Meyers Did Not Steal My Joke

Joke About a Naked Man

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The joke:

In NC, police at a shopping center arrested a man on Black Friday who was sitting in a car naked. Police said the naked man reminded them of Small Business Saturday.

How I wrote it:

When I read this fertile news item I thought, “There has to be a joke in there somewhere.” The reason I thought that is because the handles “Black Friday” and “naked man” each have a lot of associations.

To write the joke I started with Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. The handle “Black Friday” has as one association “Small Business Saturday.”

As I brainstormed associations of the other handle, “naked man,” I borrowed a technique from my Punch Line Maker #5 and visualized the topic. I formed a mental picture of a naked man sitting in a car, noticed his penis, and imagined it as exaggeratedly, humorously, small.

I got lucky that not only “small,” but also “business” could refer to the man’s penis. So “Small Business Saturday” made a strong laugh trigger to link the two topic handles.

To make the joke as funny as possible, I used my Joke Maximizer #3: Backload the topic. Specifically, I worded the topic so that the elements that the punch line depends on the most–“Black Friday” and “naked”–came as close to the end of the topic as possible.

I also used my Joke Maximizer #11: Don’t be too on-the-nose. An on-the-nose version of the joke would have ended something like, “Police said the man’s penis reminded them of Small Business Saturday”; not as funny.

Joke About an Unsafe Toy

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The joke:

Today a watchdog group released its 2019 list of the toys deemed most unsafe for children. At the top of the list: Tickle Me Epstein.

How I wrote it:

This news item grabbed my interest because it reminded me of the prop pieces we used to do on Dave Letterman’s late-night shows. Writers would write jokes for a segment like “Dave’s Toy Shoppe” and then the prop department would actually build the “wacky props” and Dave would display them as he delivered the jokes. Prop pieces always got big laughs.

To write this joke I turned to my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. The handle of the topic is “unsafe toys,” so my first task was to think of someone or something in pop culture that would be unsafe in toy form.

Sex offender Jeffrey Epstein had resurfaced in the news, because of his association with Prince Andrew. And Epstein was known for sexually abusing underage girls. So a Jeffrey Epstein toy would definitely qualify as unsafe.

To create a snappy name for the toy I thought of lots of real-life toys while keeping in mind what Epstein did, including his massages. Tickle Me Elmo came to mind.

Luckily for me, “Elmo” and “Epstein” both have two syllables and begin with “E.” So substituting one for the other to create the name of the toy results in wordplay that is tighter than it could be and therefore more surprising and funnier.

Of course, there’s nothing funny about sex abuse. But the joke works for most people because it doesn’t call to mind any graphic details of Epstein’s crimes.

Plus the joke is really about how some stupid company thinks it can convince people to buy an obviously bad product. And stupid companies make great targets for jokes.

Joke About Apple’s Credit Card

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The joke:

Apple’s credit card is being investigated for discriminating against women. Unbelievable. Apple even changed the name from Mastercard. It’s a Mistercard.

How I wrote it:

This news item got my interest because it raised a question: How could a credit card, especially one from Apple, discriminate against women?

But the two most-promising handles of the topic–“credit card” and “discriminating against women”–didn’t have a lot of obvious associations, a fact that normally prompts me to skip over the news item.

Still, I thought about the handles for a moment and realized that one association of “credit card,” “Mastercard,” has wordplay with “Mistercard.” And “Mistercard” could be a link to the second handle, “discriminating against women.” That’s how I backed into using my Punch Line Maker #4: Find a play on words in the topic.

Now I knew I wanted the joke to end on the laugh trigger “Mistercard.” But I thought that wording the joke like this wouldn’t be clear enough: “Apple’s credit card is being investigated for discriminating against women. They’re calling it a Mistercard.” I thought that some of the audience might not get the play on words.

So, for additional clarity, I wrote an angle that logically connects the topic to the punch line and includes “Mastercard.”

I also added “Unbelievable” so the audience would be expecting to hear how the credit card discriminates against women and therefore get the implication of “Mistercard” a little quicker.