Author Archives: Joe Toplyn

Joke About Coca-Cola

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The joke:

Today Coca-Cola raised its full-year sales forecast after a stronger-than-expected third quarter. Apparently sales took off like a rocket when Coca-Cola merged with the Mentos candy company.

How I wrote it:

A good joke topic has to grab the attention of the joke’s target audience. If the joke is aimed at a general audience, business news stories tend not to do that.

But I decided to write a joke about this business news story because it involved a consumer product that everybody can relate to. And the idea of a big increase in sales is easy to understand.

To create a punch line, I started by asking myself what would make Coca-Cola sales go up. That is, I started with my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

But as I thought about that question, I happened to visualize a two-liter bottle of Coke with Coke shooting up out of it. That image led me to pivot to one of my lesser-used techniques, Punch Line Maker #5: Visualize the topic. When I realized that dropping Mentos candies into Coke would cause it to shoot up that way, I had the idea for my punch line.

To link it firmly to the topic, I needed to word the punch line as the business news equivalent of dropping Mentos candy into a bottle of Coke. “Coca-Cola merged with the Mentos candy company” did the job.

I also needed an angle that would smoothly bridge the business news topic and the vivid image of a Coke geyser. So I came up with “sales took off like a rocket.”

My punch line implies that the geyser effect can be produced by dumping Mentos into Coca-Cola. But as I remembered, only Diet Coke produces that effect. Would my audience accept Coca-Cola in the punch line? I decided that they would, especially since some quick online research revealed that Mentos would also make Coke erupt.

Joke About AI and Mass Extinction

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The joke:

In a statement today, hundreds of public figures warned that artificial intelligence could cause mass extinction. In fact, Sylvester Stallone is so concerned about the threat of AI that he’s filming a remake of “Rambo” called “Roomba.”

How I wrote it:

I decided to write a joke about this news story because it was covered widely by the media. Plus the topic handles “artificial intelligence” and “mass extinction” seemed to have enough associations that I could link to make punch lines.

I started by brainstorming on what kind of “artificial intelligence” might cause “mass extinction.” A killer robot like the Terminator might do it, but didn’t seem surprising or silly enough to be a punch line.

So I thought more about robots and decided that the Roomba vacuum cleaner is silly enough to be a punch line. But how could I link “Roomba” to the second topic handle, “mass extinction”?

To do that I tried using my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. “Mass extinction” suggested “violence” and “being attacked.” What pop culture figure did those associations suggest?

Thinking about “Roomba” again, I noticed that it’s almost a perfect anagram of “Rambo.” And “Rambo” is associated with violence and being attacked. So I realized that I could use that wordplay to link my punch line, “Roomba,” back to the topic.

But making that connection would require the audience to take a few mental steps. To make those steps easier, I added an angle that logically links the topic and “Roomba” without telegraphing that punch line: the angle mentions a “public figure”–Sylvester Stallone–and the movie he remade after warning us about AI.

Wordplay is often used to create punch lines, but usually it consists of word substitution or a pun. I was pleased that I was able to employ a more unexpected type of wordplay, an anagram.

Joke About a Star Wars-Themed Hotel

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The joke:

Disney is closing its immersive Star Wars-themed hotel in Orlando. Apparently they may have gone a little too far with the Star Wars theme: hotel guests kept finding their bathtub drains clogged with Wookiee hair.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could get a good joke out of this topic because it has two handles–“Star Wars” and “hotel”–that have lots of associations that could be linked to create a punch line.

The topic raised the question in my mind “Why are they closing their Star Wars-themed hotel?” That is, I started the joke-writing process with my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

To answer that question in a surprising way, and thus get a punch line, I decided to come up with a specific problem that the Star Wars theme could have caused at the hotel.

To do that, I first brainstormed problems that a hotel stay could be associated with. As I did, I remembered the time I checked into a low-budget motel and found a hair in the bathtub that the cleaner had missed. Exaggerating that one hair into a drain full of hair, I arrived at a problem that would really repel hotel guests.

Next I brainstormed associations of “Star Wars” in search of a hairy character. Chewbacca quickly came to mind, but “Wookiee” (I checked the spelling) sounded a little funnier. And that’s how I arrived at the basic idea for my punch line, a drain full of Wookiee hair.

As I chose the words for the punch line, I had in mind my Joke Maximizer #7: Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance. Starting with the T in “hotel,” the finished punch line has 13 stop consonants (B, D, G, K, P, and T), which help make the joke as funny as it can be.

I also used my Joke Maximizer #4: Make everything clear. I did that by repeating “Star Wars” in the angle, to make sure the audience would immediately remember what “Wookiee” means.

Joke About Dinosaurs with Lips

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The joke:

A new study says that Tyrannosaurus rex and other dinosaurs had lips. Which explains why the next “Jurassic Park” sequel will be a romantic comedy.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my eye because it was so weird. And the two topic handles—dinosaurs and lips—each seemed to have enough associations for me to use in one of my Punch Line Makers.

I started by trying my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. I tried to think of some dinosaur-like has-been of a celebrity who uses a lot of makeup. Kris Jenner came to mind, but she didn’t seem quite right.

Then I tried my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic. I asked myself what the brand name would be of a lipstick made for dinosaurs. But I couldn’t think of a real-life lipstick brand name that I could easily blend with a type of dinosaur.

Finally I arrived at my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. I associated the topic handle “lips” with “kissing,” and with the vivid image of two dinosaurs kissing.

That image seemed very cinematic and prompted the question, In what movie might one see two dinosaurs kissing passionately? “Jurassic Park” seemed like a step towards the answer.

Then it occurred to me that a “Jurassic Park” romantic comedy would be a logical answer to the question. And I had the idea for my punch line.

Stating that the next sequel will be a romantic comedy seemed to me to have an extra element of truth—and therefore funniness. Turning “Jurassic Park” into a romantic comedy seemed like the sort of desperate move the studio might make to wring a few more box office dollars from a tired movie franchise.

Joke About a Tattoo Artist

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The joke:

A tattoo artist in India broke a Guinness World Record when he gave tattoos for 91 consecutive hours. He would have made it to 92 hours, but somebody asked for a tattoo of a dozen sheep.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news item might lead to a good joke because it has two promising handles, “tattoo artist” and “91 consecutive hours.” Plus the item conjures up a vivid mental image, an exhausted guy tattooing.

I started with my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. The handle “91 consecutive hours” suggests, among other things, “really tired.” That association has the sub-association “fall asleep.”

The second topic handle, “tattoo artist,” has the association “a tattoo.” Trying to link that association with “fall asleep,” I asked myself the question “What tattoo would make him fall asleep?” My playful answer, a succession of sheep, became the basis of my punch line.

To complete the joke, I had to add an angle. I considered angles like “He would have kept going, but he fell asleep when…” But that angle would have violated my Joke Maximizer #5: Don’t telegraph the punch line.

And the phrase “he would have kept going” didn’t seem to steer the audience strongly enough toward the important idea of falling asleep.

So I came up with “he would have made it to 92 hours.” That phrase emphasizes that the tattoo artist had already stayed awake for a really long time.

The original news item ended with “…he spent 91 consecutive hours giving tattoos to 64 people.” But my Joke Maximizer #1 is “Shorten as much as possible.” So I took out the unnecessary detail “64 people.”

And my Joke Maximizer #3 is “Backload the topic.” So I moved the phrase that’s most important to the punch line, “91 consecutive hours,” to the end.

Joke About Valentine’s Day Doughnuts

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The joke:

Krispy Kreme just introduced heart-shaped doughnuts filled with cream and made with real Hershey’s chocolate. They’re perfect for Valentine’s Day. Not only are they delicious, but it’ll be easier for Cupid’s arrow to hit you if you put on forty pounds.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my attention because it has two fertile topic handles, “fattening doughnuts” and “Valentine’s Day.” Plus I had a reaction to it like “Wow, those are really, really fattening.” And if a news item provokes a strong reaction in you, it may be a good candidate to be a joke topic.

To come up with a punch line, I visualized the topic, as recommended by my Punch Line Maker #5. I imagined someone eating a lot of those doughnuts. Then I exaggerated that mental image: the doughnut eater grows to an enormous size.

I also visualized associations of the other topic handle, “Valentine’s Day,” and thought of Cupid shooting his arrow. Then I mentally pictured Cupid aiming at the massive doughnut eater. That’s how I linked the two topic handles and got the idea for my punch line.

The original news item contained unnecessary details, like the names of the doughnut varieties. To keep the joke as short as possible, I edited the topic down to include only the details that reinforce the idea that those doughnuts are really fattening.

The joke would work almost as well without “Not only are they delicious, but…” But I added the phrase to misdirect the audience a little bit more, to make the punch line more surprising. That phrase leads the audience to expect some bland ending like, “Not only are they delicious, but they’re not just the same old box of chocolates.”

Joke About Disney Employees Going Back to the Office

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The joke:

The CEO of Disney just ordered all hybrid employees to come back into the office four days a week. He would have said five days a week, but because it’s Disney, employees have to spend a whole day outside in the hot sun waiting in line to get in the building.

How I wrote it:

This news item seemed like a promising basis for a joke because the topic handle “Disney” has a lot of associations that can be used to create punch lines.

The specificity of “four days a week” prompted a question in my mind: “Why weren’t those employees asked to come in five days a week?” That is, I gravitated toward my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

To make a punch line, I tried to answer that question by using some association of “Disney.” As I considered which association to focus on, I visualized the topic: I formed a mental image of employees filing into a Disney building.

Then I realized that that image was similar to an image of parkgoers waiting in a long line outside a Disneyland attraction. Once I decided that most people would accept that waiting in a Disney line could take a whole day, I had the idea for my punch line.

The punch line is on the long side, and my Joke Maximizer #1 is “Shorten as much as possible.” Could I take any words out of the punch line without hurting the joke? I don’t think so.

I need the second “Disney” to make sure the audience thinks of a Disney theme park when I conjure up that image of the long line of people.

Likewise, I need “outside,” “hot sun,” and “building” to make sure the audience visualizes a line of parkgoers waiting to get into an attraction.

By including all those words, I kept the joke as short as possible while also using my Joke Maximizer #4: Make everything clear.

Joke About the Wright Brothers

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The joke:

On this day in history, December 17, 1903, Wilbur and Orville Wright became the first people to successfully fly an airplane. The very next day, Wilbur and his fiancée joined the Yard High Club.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news item would make a good joke topic because the handles, “fly an airplane” and “1903,” have lots of associations that could be useful in my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

I started by brainstorming associations of “fly an airplane” that might be funny in connection with that first plane flight. Maybe the Wright brothers’ luggage somehow got lost. Or maybe Wilbur and Orville argued about who got the armrest.

But those associations seemed a bit stale. A more promising association, “Mile High Club,” also seemed a bit overused.

But then I gravitated towards my Punch Line Maker #5—Visualize the topic. I remembered the image of a Wright brother lying flat in that primitive biplane, flying just a few feet above the sand. And I realized I could link that extremely low altitude to “Mile High Club” to create a punch line.

For a punch line to work, the audience has to accept it as true. The idea that the first successful airplane would immediately be used for a sexual purpose struck me as true, and funny, because that tends to happen to most new technologies.

My first draft of the laugh trigger was something like “Six-Foot High Club.” But I wanted to use my Joke Maximizer #6: “Make the punch line parallel.” So I revised it to “Yard High Club,” to match the number of syllables in “Mile High Club.”

Finally, I picked Wilbur to be the frisky brother because his name contains the stop consonant B, and my Joke Maximizer #7 is “Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance.”

Joke About the Pine Sol Recall

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The joke:

Clorox is recalling some of its Pine Sol disinfectant cleaning products because they may contain infection-causing bacteria. Listen, if your disinfectant can cause an infection, you don’t need a recall, you need a dictionary.

How I wrote it:

My immediate reaction when I first read this news item was to ask myself questions like, “Isn’t Pine Sol a disinfectant? So how can it have bacteria in it?” That is, I gravitated to my Punch Line Maker #6: State the obvious about the topic.

To use that Punch Line Maker, I planned to write a punch line based on an obvious answer to those obvious questions. The obvious answer would be something like, “Pine Sol isn’t actually a disinfectant.”

But my Joke Maximizer #11 is “Don’t be too on-the-nose.” And ending the joke with words like “Apparently Pine Sol isn’t actually a disinfectant” would be too on-the-nose. As a result, the joke wouldn’t be as surprising, and funny, as it could be.

As I thought about a less direct way to word the punch line, I did some research on Pine Sol and confirmed that it is indeed a disinfectant. I wanted to confirm that fact because not every news story about the recall mentioned it.

I also looked up “disinfectant” in the dictionary to confirm that disinfectants kill bacteria. My using the dictionary gave me the idea of making “dictionary” the laugh trigger of my, now off-the-nose, punch line.

I also made sure to include “disinfectant” in the topic of the joke because that word is so important to the punch line.

And consistent with my Joke Maximizer #1—Shorten as much as possible—I omitted from the topic all unnecessary details, like exactly which Pine Sol products were being recalled.

Joke About a Saxophone Player

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The joke:

Doctors in Italy successfully performed brain surgery while the patient remained awake and played the saxophone. The doctors removed a tumor that was causing a debilitating condition known as “malignant Kenny G.”

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my attention because it was so weird. Plus the handles “brain surgery” and “saxophone” seemed to have enough associations to link into a punch line.

I gravitated toward my Punch Line Maker #3—Ask a question about the topic—because the news item begged the question “Why was that surgical patient playing the saxophone?”

To create a punch line that answers that question in a surprising way, I brainstormed associations of “saxophone.” I reasoned that the doctors might have been operating to stop the patient from compulsively playing the saxophone. Maybe the patient was imitating some famous sax player?

I couldn’t immediately think of any sax players so I searched online and turned up Kenny G. He was perfect, because I assumed my audience would agree that even brain surgery would be justified if it meant stopping somebody from playing like Kenny G. So he became the basis of my punch line.

For the actual wording of the punch line, I wanted a concise way to say, “The patient was compulsively imitating Kenny G.” It seemed funny to state that the behavior was caused by a medical condition named after the saxophonist, so I invented one by adding “malignant” to his name.

The surgeons removed a tumor in real life, so I included that fact in my angle because it connected the topic logically to “malignant Kenny G.” And I called the condition “debilitating” to have a little more fun at the expense of Kenny G’s music.

Finally, I made sure to include “successfully” in the topic. That word gives the audience permission to laugh at somebody who had brain surgery.