Author Archives: Joe Toplyn

Joke About Disney Employees Going Back to the Office

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The joke:

The CEO of Disney just ordered all hybrid employees to come back into the office four days a week. He would have said five days a week, but because it’s Disney, employees have to spend a whole day outside in the hot sun waiting in line to get in the building.

How I wrote it:

This news item seemed like a promising basis for a joke because the topic handle “Disney” has a lot of associations that can be used to create punch lines.

The specificity of “four days a week” prompted a question in my mind: “Why weren’t those employees asked to come in five days a week?” That is, I gravitated toward my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

To make a punch line, I tried to answer that question by using some association of “Disney.” As I considered which association to focus on, I visualized the topic: I formed a mental image of employees filing into a Disney building.

Then I realized that that image was similar to an image of parkgoers waiting in a long line outside a Disneyland attraction. Once I decided that most people would accept that waiting in a Disney line could take a whole day, I had the idea for my punch line.

The punch line is on the long side, and my Joke Maximizer #1 is “Shorten as much as possible.” Could I take any words out of the punch line without hurting the joke? I don’t think so.

I need the second “Disney” to make sure the audience thinks of a Disney theme park when I conjure up that image of the long line of people.

Likewise, I need “outside,” “hot sun,” and “building” to make sure the audience visualizes a line of parkgoers waiting to get into an attraction.

By including all those words, I kept the joke as short as possible while also using my Joke Maximizer #4: Make everything clear.

Joke About the Wright Brothers

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The joke:

On this day in history, December 17, 1903, Wilbur and Orville Wright became the first people to successfully fly an airplane. The very next day, Wilbur and his fiancée joined the Yard High Club.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news item would make a good joke topic because the handles, “fly an airplane” and “1903,” have lots of associations that could be useful in my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

I started by brainstorming associations of “fly an airplane” that might be funny in connection with that first plane flight. Maybe the Wright brothers’ luggage somehow got lost. Or maybe Wilbur and Orville argued about who got the armrest.

But those associations seemed a bit stale. A more promising association, “Mile High Club,” also seemed a bit overused.

But then I gravitated towards my Punch Line Maker #5—Visualize the topic. I remembered the image of a Wright brother lying flat in that primitive biplane, flying just a few feet above the sand. And I realized I could link that extremely low altitude to “Mile High Club” to create a punch line.

For a punch line to work, the audience has to accept it as true. The idea that the first successful airplane would immediately be used for a sexual purpose struck me as true, and funny, because that tends to happen to most new technologies.

My first draft of the laugh trigger was something like “Six-Foot High Club.” But I wanted to use my Joke Maximizer #6: “Make the punch line parallel.” So I revised it to “Yard High Club,” to match the number of syllables in “Mile High Club.”

Finally, I picked Wilbur to be the frisky brother because his name contains the stop consonant B, and my Joke Maximizer #7 is “Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance.”

Joke About the Pine Sol Recall

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The joke:

Clorox is recalling some of its Pine Sol disinfectant cleaning products because they may contain infection-causing bacteria. Listen, if your disinfectant can cause an infection, you don’t need a recall, you need a dictionary.

How I wrote it:

My immediate reaction when I first read this news item was to ask myself questions like, “Isn’t Pine Sol a disinfectant? So how can it have bacteria in it?” That is, I gravitated to my Punch Line Maker #6: State the obvious about the topic.

To use that Punch Line Maker, I planned to write a punch line based on an obvious answer to those obvious questions. The obvious answer would be something like, “Pine Sol isn’t actually a disinfectant.”

But my Joke Maximizer #11 is “Don’t be too on-the-nose.” And ending the joke with words like “Apparently Pine Sol isn’t actually a disinfectant” would be too on-the-nose. As a result, the joke wouldn’t be as surprising, and funny, as it could be.

As I thought about a less direct way to word the punch line, I did some research on Pine Sol and confirmed that it is indeed a disinfectant. I wanted to confirm that fact because not every news story about the recall mentioned it.

I also looked up “disinfectant” in the dictionary to confirm that disinfectants kill bacteria. My using the dictionary gave me the idea of making “dictionary” the laugh trigger of my, now off-the-nose, punch line.

I also made sure to include “disinfectant” in the topic of the joke because that word is so important to the punch line.

And consistent with my Joke Maximizer #1—Shorten as much as possible—I omitted from the topic all unnecessary details, like exactly which Pine Sol products were being recalled.

Joke About a Saxophone Player

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The joke:

Doctors in Italy successfully performed brain surgery while the patient remained awake and played the saxophone. The doctors removed a tumor that was causing a debilitating condition known as “malignant Kenny G.”

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my attention because it was so weird. Plus the handles “brain surgery” and “saxophone” seemed to have enough associations to link into a punch line.

I gravitated toward my Punch Line Maker #3—Ask a question about the topic—because the news item begged the question “Why was that surgical patient playing the saxophone?”

To create a punch line that answers that question in a surprising way, I brainstormed associations of “saxophone.” I reasoned that the doctors might have been operating to stop the patient from compulsively playing the saxophone. Maybe the patient was imitating some famous sax player?

I couldn’t immediately think of any sax players so I searched online and turned up Kenny G. He was perfect, because I assumed my audience would agree that even brain surgery would be justified if it meant stopping somebody from playing like Kenny G. So he became the basis of my punch line.

For the actual wording of the punch line, I wanted a concise way to say, “The patient was compulsively imitating Kenny G.” It seemed funny to state that the behavior was caused by a medical condition named after the saxophonist, so I invented one by adding “malignant” to his name.

The surgeons removed a tumor in real life, so I included that fact in my angle because it connected the topic logically to “malignant Kenny G.” And I called the condition “debilitating” to have a little more fun at the expense of Kenny G’s music.

Finally, I made sure to include “successfully” in the topic. That word gives the audience permission to laugh at somebody who had brain surgery.

Joke About Photos of a Planet

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The joke:

NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope captured its first direct images of a planet beyond our solar system. The planet appears to have 12 times the mass of Jupiter, but you know the expression, the space camera adds 10 masses of Jupiter.

How I wrote it:

This news item got my attention because the topic handles “space” and “captured images” seemed to have enough associations to use in my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

But I had written a joke or two about the Webb telescope before and wanted a new approach to the topic.

So I read deeper into the news article and noticed the detail about the planet appearing to have 12 times the mass of Jupiter. Some saying about camera images and weight popped into my head. So I looked up the exact wording: “The camera adds ten pounds.” That’s how I arrived at the basis for my punch line.

To flesh out the joke, I added to it the necessary detail “The planet appears to have 12 times the mass of Jupiter.” I could have taken out some other, less-important details, to arrive at shorter wording like “NASA’s James Webb Space Telescope captured images of a planet that appears to have 12 times the mass of Jupiter.” But I decided that the longer version would work better because its air of importance would make the silly punch line more surprising and, therefore, funnier.

In finalizing the wording, I used my Joke Maximizer #4: Make everything clear; I wanted to be sure the audience made the connection to the expression “The camera adds ten pounds.” So I kept the structure of that expression, only changing a few words to blend it with some space-related details in the topic.

Joke About Student Debt Cancellation

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The joke:

Senator Mitch McConnell called President Biden’s decision to cancel some student debt “a slap in the face to working Americans.” McConnell said the decision is so bad it’s like working Americans told a joke about Will Smith’s wife.

How I wrote it:

I decided to write a joke about the student debt cancellation because it was big news. Plus a lot of people seemed to have an opinion about it.

But that meant the story was tricky to write a joke about because if my joke expressed an opinion about it, a lot of my audience might disagree with that opinion and not laugh.

So I dug deeper into the debt cancellation story and noticed the McConnell quote about a slap. My mind turned to my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture; I associated “slap” with Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars. That’s how I got the idea for my topic and punch line.

To work out the exact wording of the joke, I thought about it logically. That’s because my Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear,” which includes the logic of the joke. If, as McConnell said, working Americans got a slap in the face, then my punch line should say that working Americans got slapped by Will Smith.

And if working Americans got slapped by Will Smith, then my joke logic should say they told a joke about his wife.

This is an example of how to write jokes for a mass audience about potentially divisive news stories. Be sure your topics and punch lines are facts, not opinions. In the case of this joke, McConnell’s quote and Smith’s slap are both facts.

Also, if a suitable joke topic isn’t apparent from the headline of the divisive story, keep reading. The detail most useful for a topic, like the slap quote, may not appear until farther down in the story.

Joke About the Casper Mattress Company

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The joke:

The Casper mattress company is looking to hire people with “exceptional sleeping ability” to demonstrate its mattresses. “Exceptional sleeping ability”…so basically they’re looking for people who don’t watch the news.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my eye because the topic handle “exceptional sleeping ability” seemed to have lots of associations I could use to create a punch line.

But there wasn’t an obvious second topic handle. “Casper” has the association “Casper the Friendly Ghost,” but that seemed a little too obscure. And “mattress” has many of the same associations as “exceptional sleeping ability,” so finding a surprising way to link two associations seemed hard.

That’s why I gravitated to my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic. The topic is about exceptional sleeping ability, so I asked myself, “Who sleeps a lot?”

To answer that question, I tried to think of something in pop culture that would put most people to sleep, like a boring TV show. But then I realized that if something puts most people to sleep, people wouldn’t need exceptional sleeping ability to sleep through it.

To keep the logic of my joke solid, I then tried to think of something in pop culture that would make it hard for most people to sleep; anybody who could sleep after that would have the required exceptional sleeping ability.

But if I picked a pop culture event that would only give some people insomnia, like something Trump or Biden did, I risked dividing my audience.

So instead, I based my punch line on the idea that everybody who watches the news sees something that makes them lose sleep.

Finally, I repeated the phrase “exceptional sleeping ability” in the angle, to make it clear what part of the topic the punch line relates to.

Joke About Kissing Poultry

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The joke:

Because of salmonella outbreaks, the CDC is warning people not to “kiss or snuggle” backyard poultry like ducks and chickens. Apparently prices are getting so high that some people were doing anything to get free eggs.

How I wrote it:

This news item was so weird that it caught my attention. And if a news item catches your attention, it might make a good joke topic.

To me the news item raised the question, “Why would anyone want to ‘kiss or snuggle’ backyard poultry?” That is, I gravitated toward my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

I considered possible answers to that question. I couldn’t think of any usable answer that involved having a romantic relationship with the poultry. And an answer implying that some poultry owners are really lonely seemed too obvious.

But then it occurred to me that somebody might kiss or snuggle poultry to persuade them to do something. One of the associations of “poultry” is “lay eggs.” So I decided to write a punch line that says the poultry kissers want the poultry to give them free eggs.

In coming up with the final wording, I considered my Joke Maximizer #4, which is “Make everything clear.” And the logic of this punch line didn’t seem clear enough: “Apparently some people were doing anything to get free eggs.” Eggs are easily obtainable in stores. Why would anybody do something drastic like kissing or snuggling poultry to get them?

Then I remembered the pop culture phenomenon of inflation, and how it’s raising grocery prices. Inflation has made eggs much more expensive, which would justify more extreme measures to get them for free. So I added the idea of high prices to the angle of the joke. I thought that strengthening the logical connection between the topic and the punch line was worth the additional words.

Joke About the Fourth of July

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The joke:

It’s the Fourth of July weekend. So if you love to see lots of fireworks and explosions, just go to the airport and watch people when they hear their flights are canceled.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about this topic because it was in the news and has many potentially useful associations.

Because the topic has only one handle, “Fourth of July,” I used my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. I started by brainstorming associations of the topic handle. At the top of that list was “fireworks,” which to me suggested “angry people.”

So then I asked myself who in pop culture could be described as angry. Was any celebrity couple feuding? Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were, but they didn’t seem to be angry right now.

Or how about politics? Plenty of people are angry about the Supreme Court’s recent ruling on Roe v. Wade. But I didn’t think my audience would accept a joke about that topic.

Then I remembered a pop culture phenomenon that was actually another association of “Fourth of July”: the many delayed and canceled flights during one of the biggest travel weekends of the year. Realizing that the passengers booked on those flights would be angry, I had the idea for my punch line.

My Joke Maximizer #2 is “End on the laugh trigger.” That’s why I put the most surprising words in the punch line–“their flights are canceled”–at the very end.

And I added “explosions” to the angle. That’s because I thought it would help guide the audience from “fireworks” to the angry people that the punch line refers to.

Joke About Revlon’s Bankruptcy

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The joke:

Cosmetics maker Revlon has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in the U.S. Actually, instead of just going with Chapter 11, it used its own Volumazing Mascara and filed for Chapter 11111111111.

How I wrote it:

I focused on this news item because the topic handle “Chapter 11” has let me write some good jokes in the past. Plus the other topic handle, “Revlon,” is associated with lots of cosmetic products that I thought I could link to an association of Chapter 11 to create a punch line.

I used a technique I don’t use very often, Punch Line Maker #5: Visualize the topic. To do that, I paid attention to how the words “Chapter 11” actually look. Then I thought of things that resemble the two short, straight lines of “11.”

At the same time, I ran a list of Revlon cosmetic products through my mind. I thought of mascara, then a sub-association, eyelashes. It occurred to me that “11” looks like sparse eyelashes. And I had the idea for my punch line.

I decided on “Chapter 11111111111” as the laugh trigger because I thought the series of ones resembled enhanced eyelashes. I realized that, with that laugh trigger, the joke would probably only work in print, not if delivered orally. But I was okay with that.

To make the punch line clear–per my Joke Maximizer #4–I repeated “Chapter 11” in the angle. That way the audience would have that image at the top of their mind when they saw the punch line.

And I employed my Joke Maximizer #9–Get specific–by using the real name of a Revlon mascara. I was glad to see “volumazing” in the name, because it conveys the idea of “making bigger,” which helps the audience understand why the “11” turned into “11111111111.”