Tag Archives: Covid

Joke About Free Covid Test Kits

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The joke:

According to the Biden administration, free Covid test kits will be made available to anyone who wants one starting later this month. The bad news is, the test kits are being provided by Elizabeth Holmes.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news story would be good to base a joke on because it was widely covered. Also, the number of free test kits promised–500 million–was conspicuously huge, although I edited that detail out of my final joke when it turned out to be unnecessary.

Partly because the topic has only one obvious handle–“free Covid test kits”–I gravitated toward using my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

One question that popped into my head was “Who will provide the test kits?” That’s probably because another big story at the time was about Elizabeth Holmes. She had just been convicted of fraud in connection with her blood testing company, Theranos. So I decided it would be funny if she was the one providing the test kits. And I had my punch line.

But I had to decide exactly how to word it. My Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear.” That argued for a detailed punch line, something like “the test kits are being provided by convicted Theranos fraudster Elizabeth Holmes.” But my Joke Maximizer #11 advises “Don’t be too on-the-nose,” which a detailed punch line ran the risk of being.

In the end I made a judgment call, which comedy writers often do, and limited the punch line to just “Elizabeth Holmes.” I decided to pay my audience the compliment of assuming that they would know who she is.

I often use the efficient angle “The bad news is” to guide the audience from a positive topic to a negative punch line.

Joke About the Iowa State Fair

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The joke:

The Iowa State Fair is offering fairgoers free Covid-19 vaccinations. State health officials are concerned about the delta variant, the lambda variant, and because it’s a state fair, a deep-fried variant.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could get a good joke out of this news story because the topic handles–“state fair” and “Covid-19 vaccinations”–seemed to have plenty of useful associations.

The original headline that I saw referred to “Midwest state fairs.” But given current events, I thought my audience might briefly think that that headline was about affairs of state in the Middle East. So, for clarity, I rewrote the topic to refer to just one specific state fair.

Then I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. The topic handle “state fair” is associated with, among other things, unusual deep-fried foods like deep-fried Oreos and deep-fried pickles.

The other topic handle, “Covid-19 vaccinations,” is associated with the Covid-19 variants.

To link those associations, I created a punch line with the laugh trigger “deep-fried variant.”

Because the Covid-19 delta and lambda variants are pretty well-known, I decided to make my punch line a list, exploiting my Joke Maximizer #10: Use the Rule of Three.

But the list made my angle and punch line fairly long, putting a lot of distance between “state fair” in the topic and “deep-fried variant” at the end of the joke.

To make sure the audience wouldn’t forget the words “state fair” by the time they heard the laugh trigger that depended on them, I inserted “because it’s a state fair” right before the laugh trigger. And in what might have been an overabundance of caution, I also used “fairgoers” instead of a word like “visitors” in the topic, and added the word “state” to “health officials.” I take my Joke Maximizer #4 seriously; it advises, “Make everything clear.”

Joke About Covid-19 Escaping

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The joke:

Scientists now think that Covid-19 may have escaped from a lab in Wuhan, China. As evidence, they point to a cell in the lab where there’s a blanket almost covering a dummy coronavirus head made of papier-mache and hair clippings.

How I wrote it:

I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. “Covid-19” was an obvious choice for one topic handle because it’s responsible for a lot of the topic’s newsworthiness.

But the choice of the second topic handle wasn’t so obvious. “China” was a possibility but, in connection with “Covid-19,” it doesn’t add much to the newsworthiness. A word that adds more is “escaped.” So I chose “escaped” as my second topic handle.

The verb “escaped” is an unusual choice because topic handles are almost always nouns or noun phrases. Still, the word seemed to have a lot of potentially useful associations, so I went with it.

Brainstorming associations of “escaped,” I visualized an escaping prison inmate placing a handmade dummy head of himself in his bed to fool the guards. Grafting a coronavirus into that scenario, I had my punch line.

To describe the escape scenario and make my punch line completely clear I needed a lot of words. But I wanted to adhere to my Joke Maximizer #5–“Don’t telegraph the punch line.” And the longer the punch line was, the more likely the audience would be to get ahead of it. If the audience predicts a punch line, they won’t be surprised by it and they won’t laugh.

I minimized the potential problem of telegraphing by moving the most revealing details of the image I was painting as close to the end of the joke as possible.

I also prolonged my misdirection of the audience by using the phrase “a cell in the lab,” which could also refer to a biological cell.

Joke About “The Phantom of the Opera”

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The joke:

In October, “The Phantom of the Opera” is returning to Broadway. But things will be reversed because of Covid: If the audience takes off their masks, it’s the Phantom who’ll scream.

How I wrote it:

The actual news story that I read was about Broadway theaters reopening after having been shut down by Covid-19. The topic handles “Broadway” and “Covid-19” both have a lot of associations, so I was fairly sure I could turn the story into a joke.

Brainstorming associations of “Broadway,” I thought pretty quickly of “The Phantom of the Opera.” Maybe that’s because the musical prominently features a guy wearing a mask, and “wear a mask” is one of the associations of “Covid-19.”

I confirmed online that “The Phantom of the Opera” planned to reopen. Then I edited the topic of my joke to focus on that musical and planned to write a punch line about wearing a mask.

But various punch lines I came up with didn’t seem quite right. Would Covid-19 lead the Phantom to switch to a mask rated N95? That seemed a little obvious. Would the Phantom’s mask now have to cover his nose and mouth? I couldn’t remember how much of the Phantom’s face his mask already covers.

Then I realized that the audience would probably have to wear masks, too. And I connected the audience’s masks to the Phantom’s mask with the idea of people screaming in fear when the masks are removed. And I had my punch line.

My Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear.” To ensure that the punch line would be clear in its written form, I included “things will be reversed” in the angle. If I were delivering the joke out loud I might not need those words. Instead, I’d clarify the switcheroo in the punch line by stressing the words “audience” and “Phantom.”

For more joke-writing techniques like these, get “Comedy Writing for Late-Night TV.”

Joke About Marshmallow Peeps

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The joke:

It’s almost Easter, and for a lot of people that means Marshmallow Peeps. There are marshmallow bunnies, marshmallow chicks, and new this year for Covid–marshmallow bats.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about Easter because the holiday, two days away, was in a lot of people’s minds. Plus the topic of Easter is only relevant once a year, so I try to take advantage of it when I can.

To write this joke I used my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. I started by brainstorming associations of the topic handle “Easter,” landing on “Marshmallow Peeps.”

That candy has sub-associations which are the animal shapes it comes in, like bunny and chick. And those animal shapes called to mind something that is not mentioned in the topic but which is also associated with animals–the coronavirus.

So I created a punch line that links Easter with another cultural phenomenon, Covid-19, by means of a Peep shaped like an animal linked to the coronavirus–a bat.

To be sure the audience would quickly grasp the significance of the bat in the punch line, I made sure to also mention Covid.

I also made the punch line more effective with my Joke Maximizer #10: Use the Rule of Three; “marshmallow bats” is the third in a list of Peep varieties.

After I posted this joke online, somebody informed me that actual bat-shaped Peeps used to be available for purchase. Anybody in my audience who had known that probably would have found the punch line less surprising and, therefore, less funny.

If I had heard beforehand about the real bat Peeps I might have also used my Joke Maximizer #9–Get specific–and added to the surprise with a more detailed punch line like “marshmallow horseshoe bats.”

Joke About Free Doughnuts

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The joke:

Krispy Kreme will give you a free glazed doughnut every day this year if you’ve received a Covid-19 vaccination. It’s all part of their new Covid promotion: “Fattening the Curve.”

How I wrote it:

This news item drew my attention because it has two topic handles, “doughnut” and “Covid-19 vaccination,” with plenty of associations that I could feed into my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

Also, the news item gave me the opportunity to write a joke about a huge and ongoing news story–the pandemic–without highlighting any of its ugly details.

One of the associations of “doughnut” is “fattening.” One of the associations of “Covid-19 vaccination” is “flattening the curve.” To create the punch line, I linked those two associations by substituting “fattening” for “flattening,” taking advantage of the wordplay between the two words.

To make sure the audience immediately got the connection between “fattening the curve” and the doughnut promotion, I made sure to include details in the topic that emphasize how potentially fattening the promotion is, details like “glazed” and “every day this year.”

Some people don’t like puns and other wordplay. But wordplay can be funny as long as it’s part of a joke that’s well-constructed, like this one. I expand on that point in this article, “Why Do People Not Like Puns.”

I call the type of wordplay punch line in this joke a substitution punch line. If you’re teaching computers how to crack jokes, as I am, jokes with substitution punch lines are some of the low-hanging fruit.

For details on my computational humor invention, which centers on wordplay jokes, read my patent here.

Joke About the Bridgestone Tire Vaccine

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The joke:

Today the Bridgestone tire company said it will offer its employees $100 to get a Covid vaccine shot. Apparently some employees are worried that the puncture might give them a flat arm.

How I wrote it:

I focused on this news item because both topic handles–“tire” and “vaccine”–seemed to have useful associations for joke writing.

But one of the first things I did was to reword the topic sentence to include the word “shot.” That’s because I was aiming to use my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic. And I thought I could link “tire” more easily with “shot” than with “vaccine,” because a shot requires a needle that can puncture a tire.

My first attempt at writing a punch line based on the idea of a shot puncturing ones arm arose from the hypothetical question “What else did the tire company offer its employees?”

That led to a punch line something like “They’re also offering a free rubber patch in case the puncture makes your arm leak.” But that seemed too long and complicated.

To simplify it, I dropped the idea of a patch and asked myself the question, “Why would you have to patch a puncture in a tire?” The answer, “because otherwise you’d get a flat tire,” gave me a simpler way to link “tire” and “shot”: a punch line ending on “flat arm.”

Finally I added an angle that logically ties the topic to that punch line by leading the audience to expect an explanation of why the company has to pay its employees to get the vaccine; the punch line provides the (silly) explanation.

Joke About Yankee Stadium Vaccinations

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The joke:

Today Yankee Stadium officially opened as a Covid-19 vaccination site. It was exciting. Anthony Fauci threw out the first syringe.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news story might lead to a good joke because both of its handles, “Yankee Stadium” and “Covid-19 vaccination,” have lots of associations.

I turned to my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. Because some people apparently need encouragement to be vaccinated, I came up with the Yankee Stadium association “promotional giveaway,” which led me to its sub-association “bobblehead doll.”

To link “bobblehead doll” to the other topic handle, I needed a well-known person who is associated with “Covid-19 vaccination.” Of course, Dr. Anthony Fauci came to mind. So I linked those two associations together to get the punch line “bobblehead Anthony Fauci.”

But when I searched for “bobblehead promotion” on Google, to check whether baseball teams refer to it as a “promotion” or a “giveaway,” I somehow stumbled onto a reference to “bobblehead Anthony Fauci.” Aw, heck. If I posted my joke, some people might think I stole the idea from the real product.

That meant I needed another punch line. I liked including Anthony Fauci, so I thought about another way I could link him to “Yankee Stadium.” The official opening of the vaccination site reminded me of baseball’s Opening Day, which suggested throwing out the first pitch.

So I visualized Anthony Fauci throwing out the first pitch (which he did for real on another occasion). Then I put a surprising, vaccination-related twist on that mental image by making the baseball a syringe. Which gave me my punch line.

Joke About the Holidays and Covid-19

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The joke:

The CDC is really being strict about the holidays because of the coronavirus. They even changed that Christmas carol about the reindeer. Now Vixen is Vaccine, Comet is Covid, Prancer is Pfizer, and no one can see Rudolph’s nose because it’s covered by a mask.

How I wrote it:

This joke started with the punch line instead of the more usual way–with the topic.

As I pondered how the pandemic might affect the holidays I noticed that “Covid” sounded sort of like “Comet,” one of the reindeer in the Christmas song “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” So I decided to write a joke using my Punch Line Maker #4: Find a play on words in the topic.

My Joke Maximizer #2 is “End on the laugh trigger,” so my instinct was to end the joke on “Covid.” But an internet search of the real lyrics revealed that “Comet” doesn’t end a line, it starts one. That meant that I couldn’t structure the punch line as a list of actual reindeer names from the song followed by “Covid.”

But as I studied the actual reindeer names, two more wordplay links between associations of “coronavirus” and “reindeer” occurred to me. The resulting fake names seemed funny so I decided to include them too.

However, that meant that my punch line would be a list of three reindeer names, all funny. So I couldn’t apply my Joke Maximizer #10–Use the Rule of Three–which requires a list of two unfunny items followed by third, surprisingly funny, item.

To end the joke with the funny surprise that I couldn’t achieve with the Rule of Three, I added a fourth laugh trigger that doesn’t depend on wordplay. Instead it links two associations of “coronavirus” and “reindeer” in a surprisingly visual way.

Once I had my punch line I wrote a factually true topic that included the handles I needed–“holidays” and “coronavirus”–to set up the punch line.

And I wrote an angle that mentions “Christmas carol” and “reindeer.” That way the audience would immediately identify the names in the punch line as coming from the “Rudolph” song.

Joke About Syracuse University

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The joke:

Syracuse University suspended 23 students for breaking rules against large gatherings during the pandemic. In their defense, the students were playing that new drinking game–Hydroxychloroquine Pong.

How I wrote it:

I decided to write a joke about this story because several news outlets covered it. Plus the topic handles “students” and “pandemic” seemed to have many potentially useful associations.

I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. “Students,” especially in the context of college gatherings, is associated in my mind with Beer Pong.

“Pandemic” is associated with “hydroxychloroquine,” which at one point was touted as a possible treatment for Covid-19. I was pleased that the word has four stop consonants; my Joke Maximizer #7 is “Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance.” Substituting “hydroxychloroquine” for “beer” links the two associations and creates the punch line.

To set up the punch line effectively I used my Joke Maximizer #4: Make everything clear; I did that by including the phrase “drinking game,” so the meaning of the punch line would be immediately apparent. Is hydroxychloroquine, in fact, something you drink, like beer? Or is it a pill? I didn’t bother to check, because I didn’t think my audience would know or care.

I made sure to include “during the pandemic” in the topic, so that the connection of the topic to hydroxychloroquine would be even clearer. And I used my Joke Maximizer #3‑‑Backload the topic‑‑putting that phrase at the end of the topic so it would be closer to the punch line that relies on it.