Author: Joe Toplyn
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Joke About the Sexiest Man Alive
The joke: Today People magazine named actor Michael B. Jordan the Sexiest Man Alive for 2020. Or as Rudy Giuliani put it, “Today People magazine named President Donald J. Trump the Sexiest Man Alive for 2020.” How I wrote it: I focused on this news item because I thought “the Sexiest Man Alive” had a…
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Joke About a Hundred Mummies
The joke: Today Egypt unearthed more than 100 mummies, including priests and high-ranking officials dating back more than 2,500 years. Archaeologists identified the mummies by asking Joe Biden if he recognized anybody. How I wrote it: As soon as I read this news item I thought “there has to be a joke in here about…
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Joke About Ballot Counting
The joke: BALLOT COUNTING UPDATE: Minutes ago there was a problem in Pennsylvania. A ballot counter got that song “867-5309” stuck in his head and had to start all over. How I wrote it: The results of the presidential election hadn’t been determined yet. So the counting of ballots was the focus of a lot…
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Joke About 3 Musketeers Candy
The joke: This year Halloween trick-or-treating is a little different with the coronavirus. For example, Mars Candy just announced the 3 Musketeers bar is down to 2 Musketeers because D’Artagnan is in quarantine. How I wrote it: I had seen a lot of news stories advising people how to celebrate Halloween safely during the pandemic.…
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Joke About Murder Hornets
The joke: Bug hunters in Washington state found the first ever Asian giant “murder hornets” nest in the U.S. They said the nest used to have bees living in it. It was an Air-bee-n-bee. How I wrote it: This news item caught my eye because “murder hornets” just sound weird. To create the joke I…
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Joke About a 2,350-Pound Pumpkin
The joke: This week a 2,350-pound pumpkin won a pumpkin-growing contest in California. Spectators were amazed. It’s orange, it weighs a ton, and nobody made a joke about President Trump. How I wrote it: When I read this news item I immediately thought of my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture.…
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Joke About Sexual Onions
The joke: Facebook removed an ad for onions for being “overtly sexual.” Then they restored the ad and fired an ad censor for being “overtly lonely.” How I wrote it: This news item got my attention because it raised the question in my mind “Who would think onions are sexual?” That is, the news item…
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Joke About Trump and Covid-19
The joke: President Trump is still in the hospital for Covid-19. Doctors say the good news is the virus isn’t making any progress because Trump’s immune system keeps interrupting it. How I wrote it: I wanted to write a joke about Trump contracting Covid-19 because it was a huge news story. But, as always, I…
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Joke About Voting and Footlocker
The joke: Starting tomorrow you can register to vote at Footlocker shoe stores. Then after you get your new voter registration they suggest you walk around the store with it a little to see how it feels. How I wrote it: This news item caught my eye because both topic handles, “register to vote” and…
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Joke About Joe Biden’s Endorsement
The joke: Scientific American magazine endorsed Joe Biden, the first time they’ve endorsed a presidential candidate in their 175-year history. Biden said he was thrilled, especially because he’s been a loyal subscriber since the first issue. How I wrote it: I focused on this news item because it was widely reported in the media and…