Author: Joe Toplyn
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Joke About the Subway Lawsuit
The joke: Two California residents filed a lawsuit claiming that there is no tuna in Subway’s tuna sandwiches. If they win, they’ll get $10 million plus, for an extra $2.60, a Diet Coke and a bag of potato chips. How I wrote it: This news item caught my attention because I thought a mass audience…
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Joke About Long Lines for the Vaccine
The joke: People are desperate. They want to know if they’re eligible. They’re trying to get on the list, waiting in long lines, sleeping in their cars. They all want to get one before the supply runs out. Yes, I’m talking about Presidential pardons. How I wrote it: I got the idea for this joke…
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Joke About Biden’s Inauguration
The joke: The schedule is now set for Inauguration Day. And this is interesting: at the exact same time that Chief Justice John Roberts will be swearing in Joe Biden, Donald Trump will be swearing at Joe Biden. How I wrote it: I wanted to write a joke about the upcoming inauguration because it was…
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Joke About Trump’s Twitter Account
The joke: Yesterday Twitter suspended the account of President Trump. He responded by launching his own version of Snapchat–Crapchat. How I wrote it: The biggest news story at the time was the storming of the Capitol building, but that didn’t lend itself easily to joke writing. So instead I chose for a topic a related…
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Joke About Hilaria Baldwin
The joke: It’s New Year’s Day. Or as Hilaria Baldwin said, “It’s New Year’s Day…No, wait a second, I mean, Es el Día de Año Nuevo.” How I wrote it: On Dave Letterman’s late-night shows we used to do a kind of desk piece consisting of jokes about how some topic would affect various celebrities.…
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Joke About Michael Jackson’s Ranch
The joke: Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch was just sold for $22 million. Per his wishes, the sale was handled by the real estate company Century Under-21. How I wrote it: I, along with many other comedy writers, wrote a lot of Michael Jackson jokes when he was alive. That’s because he had many vivid associations…
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Joke About a Fight at Walmart
The joke: A big crowd watched two women fighting over a video game console at a Walmart in North Carolina. Two women in a Walmart fighting over a video game console…or as they call it in North Carolina, the Annual Christmas Pageant. How I wrote it: I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two…
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Joke About Carrie Ann Inaba
The joke: Today “Dancing with the Stars” judge Carrie Ann Inaba said she has tested positive for Covid-19. More specifically, she said she scored a Covid-6, a Covid-7, and another Covid-6 from Derek Hough. How I wrote it: Testing positive for Covid-19 can lead to death, of course. So I read deeper into the story…
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Joke About the Holidays and Covid-19
The joke: The CDC is really being strict about the holidays because of the coronavirus. They even changed that Christmas carol about the reindeer. Now Vixen is Vaccine, Comet is Covid, Prancer is Pfizer, and no one can see Rudolph’s nose because it’s covered by a mask. How I wrote it: This joke started with…
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Joke About Darwin’s Notebooks
The joke: Cambridge University says that two notebooks written by Charles Darwin with his ideas about evolution have been stolen. Witnesses described a suspect who started walking on all fours, then walked in a crouch, and finally walked upright. How I wrote it: I thought I could write a joke about this topic pretty easily…