Author: Joe Toplyn
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Joke About the House Report on Trump
The joke: Next week Random House is publishing the House Intelligence Committee’s report on President Trump. They’ll even have a children’s edition entitled “James and the Giant Impeachment.” How I wrote it: The House Intelligence Committee’s report was a top story so I wanted to write a joke about it. And this particular news item…
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Joke About a Naked Man
The joke: In NC, police at a shopping center arrested a man on Black Friday who was sitting in a car naked. Police said the naked man reminded them of Small Business Saturday. How I wrote it: When I read this fertile news item I thought, “There has to be a joke in there somewhere.”…
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Joke About an Unsafe Toy
The joke: Today a watchdog group released its 2019 list of the toys deemed most unsafe for children. At the top of the list: Tickle Me Epstein. How I wrote it: This news item grabbed my interest because it reminded me of the prop pieces we used to do on Dave Letterman’s late-night shows. Writers…
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Joke About Apple’s Credit Card
The joke: Apple’s credit card is being investigated for discriminating against women. Unbelievable. Apple even changed the name from Mastercard. It’s a Mistercard. How I wrote it: This news item got my interest because it raised a question: How could a credit card, especially one from Apple, discriminate against women? But the two most-promising handles…
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Joke About Halloween Costumes
The joke: It’s almost Halloween. Lots of people are rushing out to buy the new costumes. In fact, sales of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi costumes are really blowing up. How I wrote it: ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi had just killed himself by detonating a suicide vest. Usually if a news story is about somebody dying,…
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Joke About Henry Thomas’s DUI
The joke: The actor who played the young boy in “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial,” Henry Thomas, was arrested for DUI. H.T. phoned home…for bail money. How I wrote it: This news item caught my eye because “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial” has the familiar association “E.T. phone home.” And I thought I could probably use my Punch Line…
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Joke About a Ouija Board
The joke: A New Jersey man broke a Guinness World Record for the largest Ouija board. When he heard about the board, Hunter Biden was like, “How much do they pay and can I be on it? How I wrote it: I focused on this news item because “Guinness World Record” and “Ouija board” each…
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Joke About a 101-Year-Old Greeter
The joke: A woman working as a greeter at the Texas State Fair is 101 years old. Isn’t that great? She’s so old, the Democrats just invited her to run for president. How I wrote it: The news item attracted my attention because it involves old age, which has lots of associations that can be…
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Joke About Expensive Beer
The joke: A vendor was arrested at Sunday’s Miami Dolphins game after he charged a fan $724 for two beers. That’s outrageous. $724 is the price for three beers. How I wrote it: I gravitated toward this news item because it has two handles–“$724” and “two beers”–that seemed to have a lot of associations that…