Author: Joe Toplyn
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Joke About the Impeachment Inquiry
The joke: Today House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced a formal impeachment inquiry against President Trump. To head it off, Trump now says his call to the Ukrainian president was a butt dial. How I wrote it: This was a big story so I wanted to write a joke about it. It’s also a political story,…
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Joke About a Wig Theft
The joke: Thieves in Florida stole up to $80,000 in merchandise from a wig warehouse. Police are thoroughly combing through the crime scene because they want the thieves toupee. How I wrote it: I thought this news item was worth turning into a joke because it’s attention-getting, an important characteristic for a joke topic. It…
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Joke About Medicare for All
The joke: There was a lot of talk about health care at the Democratic debate last night. Melania Trump was so inspired that she proposed her own health care plan: Manicure for All. How I wrote it: I wrote this joke backwards. Usually I start with a news item. This time I started with a…
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Joke About Popeyes Chicken Sandwich
The joke: A man pulled out a gun at a Popeyes restaurant when he heard they had no more chicken sandwiches. He also objected to any new laws on bun control. How I wrote it: This news item caught my eye because it was weird, so I thought a joke about it might engage an…
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Joke About the Birthday of the ATM
The joke: The inventor of the bank ATM machine is celebrating its 50th birthday. Actually, he celebrated its 20th birthday, then its 20th birthday again, and then its 10th birthday. How I wrote it: News items about interesting people who are marking some milestone, like a birthday, tend to attract my attention for joke writing.…
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Joke About a Rock on Mars
The joke: NASA named a rock on Mars for the legendary band the Rolling Stones. Scientists said they did it because the rock has the same age and density as Keith Richards’s liver. How I wrote it: At first I focused on this news item because it was interesting. And if a story interests me,…
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Joke About Placido Domingo
The joke: Women are leveling charges of sexual harassment against opera superstar Placido Domingo. It looks bad, but to be fair, it ain’t over till the fat lady testifies. How I wrote it: This news item attracted my attention because it has a couple of handles with many associations–“sexual harassment” and “opera.” Because the topic…
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Joke About Vodka from Chernobyl
The joke: Soon you’ll be able to buy vodka made with grain and water from Chernobyl. Even better, you’ll be able to drink twice as much with your two heads. How I wrote it: The original news headline I saw was “Scientists make radioactivity-free vodka from Chernobyl.” That headline has three possible handles–radioactivity-free, vodka, and…
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Joke About Osama bin Laden’s Son
The joke: According to U.S. officials, Osama bin Laden’s son is believed to be dead. Bad timing for him: He had just gotten into USC as an elite rower. How I wrote it: Jokes about death can be tricky because the subject can bring out negative emotions in an audience that make it hard for…
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Joke About National Chili Dog Day
The joke: Today is National Chili Dog Day. To celebrate, Robert Mueller ate a dozen chili dogs and then accused them of obstruction of rectum. How I wrote it: Sometimes if the big news stories of the day don’t inspire me I’ll go online and find out what the day is the National Day of.…