Author Archives: Joe Toplyn

Joke About the Fourth of July

Posted on by

The joke:

It’s the Fourth of July weekend. So if you love to see lots of fireworks and explosions, just go to the airport and watch people when they hear their flights are canceled.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about this topic because it was in the news and has many potentially useful associations.

Because the topic has only one handle, “Fourth of July,” I used my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. I started by brainstorming associations of the topic handle. At the top of that list was “fireworks,” which to me suggested “angry people.”

So then I asked myself who in pop culture could be described as angry. Was any celebrity couple feuding? Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were, but they didn’t seem to be angry right now.

Or how about politics? Plenty of people are angry about the Supreme Court’s recent ruling on Roe v. Wade. But I didn’t think my audience would accept a joke about that topic.

Then I remembered a pop culture phenomenon that was actually another association of “Fourth of July”: the many delayed and canceled flights during one of the biggest travel weekends of the year. Realizing that the passengers booked on those flights would be angry, I had the idea for my punch line.

My Joke Maximizer #2 is “End on the laugh trigger.” That’s why I put the most surprising words in the punch line–“their flights are canceled”–at the very end.

And I added “explosions” to the angle. That’s because I thought it would help guide the audience from “fireworks” to the angry people that the punch line refers to.

Joke About Revlon’s Bankruptcy

Posted on by

The joke:

Cosmetics maker Revlon has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in the U.S. Actually, instead of just going with Chapter 11, it used its own Volumazing Mascara and filed for Chapter 11111111111.

How I wrote it:

I focused on this news item because the topic handle “Chapter 11” has let me write some good jokes in the past. Plus the other topic handle, “Revlon,” is associated with lots of cosmetic products that I thought I could link to an association of Chapter 11 to create a punch line.

I used a technique I don’t use very often, Punch Line Maker #5: Visualize the topic. To do that, I paid attention to how the words “Chapter 11” actually look. Then I thought of things that resemble the two short, straight lines of “11.”

At the same time, I ran a list of Revlon cosmetic products through my mind. I thought of mascara, then a sub-association, eyelashes. It occurred to me that “11” looks like sparse eyelashes. And I had the idea for my punch line.

I decided on “Chapter 11111111111” as the laugh trigger because I thought the series of ones resembled enhanced eyelashes. I realized that, with that laugh trigger, the joke would probably only work in print, not if delivered orally. But I was okay with that.

To make the punch line clear–per my Joke Maximizer #4–I repeated “Chapter 11” in the angle. That way the audience would have that image at the top of their mind when they saw the punch line.

And I employed my Joke Maximizer #9–Get specific–by using the real name of a Revlon mascara. I was glad to see “volumazing” in the name, because it conveys the idea of “making bigger,” which helps the audience understand why the “11” turned into “11111111111.”

Joke About the Series “Obi-Wan Kenobi”

Posted on by

The joke:

This week the “Star Wars” series “Obi-Wan Kenobi” premieres on Disney Plus. But before you get too excited, there’s also a series with Jar Jar Binks coming to Disney Minus.

How I wrote it:

I decided to write a joke about this news item because the topic seemed pretty fertile: the topic handles– Obi-Wan Kenobi and Disney Plus–have many associations I thought I could link into punch lines to use my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

The first associations that occurred to me for Obi-Wan Kenobi were other well-known “Star Wars” characters. My attention focused on Jar Jar Binks because I thought I could use his sub-association “widely loathed” to create a punch line.

More specifically, I asked myself the question, “Where would a series about a widely loathed character appear?” Luckily, I was able to change only one word of the other topic handle, Disney Plus, to answer that question in a punchy and surprising way.

The joke might have worked without the angle “But before you get too excited.” But I included those words to be sure the audience immediately got the negative connotation of my punch line “Disney Minus.”

I also added the phrase “the ‘Star Wars’ series” to the topic. I wanted to make sure that even casual fans would know who Obi-Wan Kenobi is without thinking too much about it.

And I used my Joke Maximizer #6–Make the punch line parallel: I worded the punch line so it has the same “series/character/streaming service” structure as the topic.

Joke About Overpriced Beer

Posted on by

The joke:

Officials are tightening the rules on concession prices at New York City-area airports after they found one bar at LaGuardia charging $27 for a beer. It was a Boston lager: Scam Adams.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could turn this news item into a joke because the idea of high-priced beer seemed to have a lot of promising associations.

More specifically, I thought I could use my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic. The question I asked was “What was the name of the beer?” I asked it because I knew that “beer” is associated with a lot of brand names. And I thought I could get a punch line by linking a beer name to an association of “$27 for a beer,” namely, some word or phrase that means “rip-off.”

To help in brainstorming, I called up a list of popular beers online. As I read each name I tried to come up with a wordplay link to a word like “swindle,” “fraud,” “thief,” or “cheat.”

Eventually I took another look at the beer involved in the actual airport rip-off: Sam Adams Summer Ale. And I realized I could substitute “scam” for “Sam” to create my punch line.

I might have gotten away with a shorter angle like “It was a.” But I added the words “Boston lager” to the angle to ensure the audience would immediately make the connection to “Sam Adams” when they heard the punch line.

My Joke Maximizer #3 says, “Backload the topic.” So I rewrote the topic to move to the end the information that’s most important for the punch line: “$27 for a beer.”

Joke About National Teacher Appreciation Day

Posted on by

The joke:

Today in the U.S., it’s National Teacher Appreciation Day. I know, that’s a long word. Just sound it out. Uh…pree…shee…AY…shun. Can anybody tell me what that means? Anybody?

How I wrote it:

I picked this news item because the topic handle “teacher” seemed to have associations that I could use to create a punch line. Plus the item doesn’t relate to any of the tricky political issues that dominate the news these days.

I used my Punch Line Maker #1, but not in the usual way.  The usual way would have been to link an association of “teacher” to an association of another topic handle, “appreciation.” That would have resulted in a punch line that, for example, stated in a surprising way how a teacher might show or be shown appreciation.

Instead, I associated “appreciation” with its characteristic of being a relatively long word.

And to create a punch line, I linked that characteristic to an association of “teacher,” namely the way a teacher might help a young student to read a long word out loud.

My Joke Maximizer # 4 is “Make everything clear.” To clarify the connection between the punch line and “teacher,” I added an ending where the joke writer talks to his readers as if they are students in a classroom.

The word “Anybody?” at the very end adds a final surprise, and bit of humor, because it implies that the readers didn’t understand the joke they just read.

Of course, because this joke is based on how a word appears in print, it wouldn’t work if delivered orally.

Joke About Hot Glue Guns

Posted on by

The joke:

Dollar Tree is recalling more than a million hot glue guns because they can malfunction. And some people are pretty angry about it. In fact, Martha Stewart said, “You can have my hot glue gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands that I’ve hot-glued it to.”

How I wrote it:

As soon as I read this news item I associated the topic handle “hot glue guns” with crafting enthusiast Martha Stewart. That is, I decided I could use my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture.

Exaggerating for comic effect (as per my Joke Maximizer #8), I thought that she’d be really angry if a company tried to take away her beloved hot glue gun. And I guessed that I could write a funny punch line in which she expressed that anger.

Then I associated “guns” in “hot glue guns” with the familiar NRA slogan about gun enthusiasts having their guns taken away. So to create my punch line I just substituted “hot glue gun” in the slogan for “gun.”

But having Stewart say only “You can have my hot glue gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands” didn’t feel like quite enough to me. Maybe that’s because the slogan is so long and familiar that I thought the audience would be able to predict it based on its first few words. That is, the long punch line itself would violate my Joke Maximizer #5: Don’t telegraph the punch line.

To solve that problem, I ended the punch line with a final surprise by adding the part about hot-gluing the hot glue gun to her hands.

Finally I added the angle “And some people are pretty angry about it.” That way the audience would be in the proper mindset to quickly understand the meaning of Stewart’s quote, and of the punch line.

Joke About Will Smith’s Slap

Posted on by

The joke:

Yesterday “King Richard” Oscar-winner Will Smith apologized to Chris Rock for slapping him in the face at the Academy Awards. Smith also apologized to Venus and Serena Williams for not following-through on his forehand.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about this news item because it featured a topic handle, The Slap, that a lot of people were interested in. The handle also had a lot of associations that I could turn into punch lines.

Because the video of The Slap was so memorable, I gravitated to my Punch Line Maker #5: Visualize the topic. I thought about Smith slapping Rock and brainstormed about what that slapping motion resembled.

As I did, I remembered that Smith, another topic handle, had won an Oscar for portraying the father of two tennis superstars. I also remembered that tennis players are associated with the forehand stroke. When I realized that Smith’s slapping motion resembled a tennis forehand, I decided to link those two motions in a punch line.

To make the punch line work, I did some editing to my rough draft. My Joke Maximizer #6 is “Make the punch line parallel.” So I had Smith apologizing to people in the punch line for something he did, the same way he apologized to someone in the topic for something he did.

My Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear.” So I added to the topic a reference to “King Richard.” I wanted to make sure the audience immediately got the connection between the Williams sisters in the punch line and Will Smith.

I realized that my punch line implies that Smith wasn’t very serious in his apology to Rock. But I thought my audience would accept that implication. That’s because Smith apologized to other people at the Oscars, but not Rock.

Joke About the Sanctions on Russia

Posted on by

The joke:

According to Reuters, sanctions are really hurting the Russian economy. Things are so bad that to save money commuting to work, some Russian oligarchs are yacht-pooling.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke that was related in some way to the war in Ukraine because it’s a huge news story. But I didn’t want to call the audience’s attention to the tragic aspects of the war. So I decided to write a joke about a secondary aspect–the sanctions on Russian oligarchs.

I had seen news stories about how the Russian oligarchs travel around in enormous superyachts. I thought that the idea of a superyacht being a mode of transportation was potentially funny. So I brainstormed ways to put a surprising twist on that idea.

To do that, I brainstormed associations of “transportation” and came up with “carpooling.” Then I linked that association to “yacht,” creating the punch line “yacht-pooling.”

Now I had a punch line. But I had to create the rest of the joke, the topic and the angle. Usually I start writing a joke from a topic, but not always, as in this case.

To create a topic I asked myself, who carpools? People often carpool to save money. So I needed a topic that said that Russian oligarchs are under financial pressure. An online search yielded the Reuters story that I pressed into service as my topic.

My Joke Maximizer #4 advises, “Make everything clear,” and the weird expression “yacht-pooling” could potentially confuse an audience. To minimize confusion, I included the phrase “to save money commuting to work” in the angle. That phrase makes it easier for the audience to make the mental connection to carpooling when they hear the punch line.

Joke About McDonald’s in Russia

Posted on by

The joke:

Today McDonald’s said it’s closing all its restaurants in Russia because of Ukraine. Is that a good idea? If McDonald’s really wants to hurt the Russians it should open up more restaurants, hand out free artery-clogging fries and Big Macs, attack the Russians from the inside.

How I wrote it:

Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is a huge news story, so I didn’t think I could ignore it. At the same time, it’s a difficult story to write jokes about because large numbers of innocent people are dying and getting displaced. If an audience is thinking about those tragic facts, they won’t laugh.

To write jokes about a high-profile but upsetting topic, a useful technique is to steer clear of the most disturbing aspects of the topic. So if the topic is Russia invading Ukraine, a joke writer wouldn’t remind the audience of all the death and destruction.

Instead, the writer would focus on a secondary, less-upsetting aspect of the topic. In this case, I noticed that McDonald’s is closing all its restaurants in Russia.

Now I had a topic somewhat related to Russia’s invasion that I thought the audience would let me joke about. So I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

One handle of the topic is “McDonald’s,” which I associate with “unhealthful food.” The other topic handle is “Russia,” which nowadays I associate with “needs to be attacked.” I linked those two associations in a punch line that suggests using McDonald’s food to attack the Russians.

In editing the joke I used my Joke Maximizer #9–Get specific. I did that by listing particular menu items instead of just writing “unhealthful food.”

And when I chose those menu items I employed my Joke Maximizer #7–Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance. “Hand out free artery-clogging fries and Big Macs” has nine stop consonants, a lot for only twelve syllables.

Joke About Simone Biles’s Engagement

Posted on by

The joke:

Olympian gymnast Simone Biles and NFL player Jonathan Owens just got engaged. They said they fell head over heels in love, although in Biles’s case it was head over heels over head over heels over head then a double salto layout with a half-twist and she stuck the landing.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could turn this news item into a joke because it offered two topic handles–“Simone Biles” and “got engaged”–each of which has a lot of associations. That meant I could use my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

As I brainstormed associations of Biles, I pictured her doing handsprings in one of her floor exercise routines. That mental image suggested the phrase “head over heels.” The phrase probably popped into my head because I was also pondering associations of “got engaged.” One of those associations is “fell in love,” which has the sub-association “head over heels.”

Once I found the link “head over heels,” I realized my punch line could describe Biles performing a floor exercise routine.

Because “head over heels” is an essential part of the joke, I included it in the angle. That way the angle would smoothly and clearly guide the audience from the topic to the punch line.

My Joke Maximizer #9 is “Get specific.” So when I described Biles’s routine I wanted to include a lot of detail; a detailed description would summon up an unexpectedly vivid mental picture in the audience’s mind, increasing the surprise of the punch line.

So I searched online for something like “difficult gymnastics moves.” Eventually I spotted “a double salto layout with a half-twist,” which seemed like the sort of move that might conclude a series of “head-over-heels” handsprings. It’s also, I learned, a move that’s named after Biles. I thought fans of gymnastics might appreciate that extra level of detail, so The Biles went into my punch line.