Tag Archives: Trump

Joke About the Articles of Impeachment

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The joke:

House Democrats haven’t sent the two articles of impeachment to the Senate yet. They say they’re waiting to add a third article so they can get free shipping.

How I wrote it:

This news item was one of the top stories of the day, so I wanted to write a joke about it. The nature of the story pointed me towards Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

The obvious question to me was, “Why haven’t they sent the two articles yet?” To create a punch line, I answered that question using associations of handles of the topic.

One topic handle, “sent,” has the association “mailed,” which has the sub-association “free shipping.” That sub-association was particularly top-of-mind when I wrote the joke, during the heart of the Christmas shopping season.

A second topic handle, “two articles,” has the association “three articles.” So I was able to link “free shipping” and “three articles” to create a punch line that answered my original question about why House Democrats are waiting to send the articles.

My experience writing for broadcast network TV shows has instilled in me a desire to entertain as large an audience as possible; ratings are very important. That means crafting political jokes that are unlikely to “split the room.” This joke is a good example of that.

Whatever you feel about President Trump and the Democrats, you’d have to agree with the facts that the joke needs you to accept as true, like the fact that the Democrats delayed sending the articles to the Senate and the fact that they did consider adding more articles of impeachment.

Joke About the Impeachment Inquiry

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The joke:

Today House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced a formal impeachment inquiry against President Trump. To head it off, Trump now says his call to the Ukrainian president was a butt dial.

How I wrote it:

This was a big story so I wanted to write a joke about it. It’s also a political story, and writing jokes about political stories can be tricky. If you’re not careful, your joke will be rejected by a large segment of your audience.

I started with my Punch Line Maker #3–Ask a question about the topic–asking myself the natural question “How did President Trump react?”

To answer that question, I thought about the topic handle “impeachment inquiry,” which has the association “phone call to the Ukrainian president.” And “phone call” has the association “butt dial.”

So the punch line answers my original question by saying that President Trump reacted by claiming that his controversial phone call was an accidental butt dial. Lucky for me, “butt dial” also has three stop consonants, which makes it even funnier as a laugh trigger.

Notice that even though this is a joke about a political story, it stands a good chance of not alienating a lot of audience members because it’s based on things that pretty much everyone can accept as true: Trump did call the Ukrainian president and he often does offer dubious explanations for his behavior. For more tips on how to write political jokes, read my article “Writing Political Comedy.”

Joke About Apollo 11

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The joke:

Tomorrow is the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 11 landing. President Trump celebrated by telling Buzz Aldrin to go back to the moon where he came from.

How I wrote it:

One of the big news stories at the time was how President Trump tweeted that four congresswomen should “go back” to the “places from which they came.” The story was so big that I felt compelled to write a joke about it.

But instead of assuming that the Trump story would be the topic of the joke, I started by brainstorming on the phrase “go back” to see where that would take me.

I gravitated toward Punch Line Maker #2–Link the topic to pop culture–asking myself, “Who else in pop culture would President Trump tell to “go back” somewhere?

As it happened, another event that was dominating the news at that time was the Apollo 11 mission, which featured men landing on the moon and then returning to earth. When I realized that the association “going back” could link the Trump story to the Apollo 11 story, I had the basis of my punch line. I made the Apollo 11 story the topic because the wording of the joke seemed more natural that way.

I also checked my facts to be sure the joke would be clear, per Joke Maximizer #4. I confirmed that Buzz Aldrin had walked on the moon in Apollo 11 and was still alive. The internet makes it so easy to confirm information, why run any risk at all of botching a good joke?

Joke About That 7.1 Earthquake

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The joke:

Recently Southern California was rocked by a 7.1 magnitude earthquake. The good news is, as a 7.1, it’s unlikely that President Trump would grope it.

How I wrote it:

I focused on this topic because it was a big news story and it had a couple of handles–“Southern California” and “earthquake”–with a lot of associations.

At first I considered using Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic. But I had recently used that technique to write a joke about actor Jussie Smollett’s reaction to an earthquake.

So instead I turned to Punch Line Maker #2–Link the topic to pop culture–and to a different topic handle, “7.1.” As I brainstormed associations of “7.1,” it occurred to me that some people rate the physical attractiveness of women on a scale of 1 to 10.

Turning to pop culture, I asked myself who my audience would associate with assigning numerical ratings to women, and President Trump came to mind. He’s made no secret of the fact that a woman’s attractiveness is important to him.

So the basis of my punch line became President Trump treating the earthquake as a fairly attractive woman, i.e., a 7.1.

I could have worded the punch line something like, “A 7.1. Or as President Trump would say, ‘fairly attractive.'” But instead I used Joke Maximizer #8–“Wildly exaggerate.” I implied that our President is so obsessed with attractiveness ratings that he’d even consider groping an earthquake.

Joke About the Godzilla Movie

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The joke:

Now in theaters, “Godzilla: King of the Monsters.” It’s very exciting. Mothra, Rodan, and the three-headed King Ghidorah decide the only way to stop Godzilla is to impeach him.

How I wrote it:

Newly released movies tend to make good joke topics, especially on slow news days. People are usually interested in movies and their titles often lend themselves to surprising interpretations.

The new Godzilla movie seemed especially promising because Godzilla is a huge monster who causes a lot of chaos and conflict and I thought people would associate it with President Trump. That is, the topic led me quickly to my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture.

But this wording of the joke, for example, would have been way too direct: “Now in theaters, ‘Godzilla: King of the Monsters.’ In this movie, Godzilla is scarier than ever. He behaves like Trump.” My Joke Maximizer #11 is “Don’t be too on-the-nose,” because on-the-nose jokes aren’t as surprising and therefore aren’t as funny.

So I decided not to mention Trump explicitly in the punch line. I also decided not to rely on the associations “Godzilla” = “monster” = “Trump,” because I thought that equation might split my audience unnecessarily.

Instead I based the punch line on how the monster Godzilla is attacked by his monster adversaries. The surprise is that they use the same technique that some of Trump’s adversaries are considering using on him.

The result is a political joke that’s unlikely to divide a mass audience because it’s based on a fact‑‑impeachment talk‑‑instead of an opinion that may not be universally held.

Joke About Trump and Wine Day

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The joke:

Today is National Wine Day. To mark the occasion, congressional Democrats sent over to President Trump a Subpoena Grigio.

How I wrote it:

The topic caught my eye because the handle “wine” has a lot of associations that can be used to create punch lines.

The other possible handle in the topic is something like “holiday.” But my instincts told me that it might be more fun to link the topic to pop culture, the technique that I call Punch Line Maker #2. Because President Trump seems to dominate the news, I tried to write a political joke.

The handle “wine” is associated with all the various types of wines. I ran through the types in my head and landed on “pinot grigio.” The Democrats have been issuing a lot of subpoenas to the Trump administration, so I decided to construct a wordplay punch line connecting “subpoena” and “pinot grigio.”

How to make the joke clear in print form was little tricky. “Subpinot grigio” and “subpoenot grigio” seemed potentially confusing to readers. But I thought “subpoena grigio” would work well because “grigio” makes the connection to wine obvious all by itself without having to explicitly include any part of “pinot.”

I try to write political jokes that are unlikely to split a mass audience, like this joke. Whatever you think of the Democrats and their subpoenas, everybody can agree that they’ve been issuing a lot of them, of all different types.

Joke About Trump and Mother’s Day

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The joke:

It’s Mother’s Day. But President Trump told Melania he couldn’t give her a card because the IRS is auditing it.

How I wrote it:

The topic of Mother’s Day drew my focus because holidays tend to have lots of associations that can be used to create punch lines.

To write this joke I used my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. The handle “Mother’s Day” is associated with, among other things, “giving a greeting card,” which has the sub-association of “giving a document.”

So I turned to pop culture and brainstormed situations where a celebrity is involved in giving a document. President Trump is much in the news for refusing to hand over his tax returns to Congress, so I decided to base my punch line on that.

But writing the joke like this wouldn’t have made sense: “It’s Mother’s Day. But President Trump is refusing to hand over his Mother’s Day card to Congress.” Trump would give his Mother’s Day card to Melania, not to Congress. And the logic of the joke requires Trump to not give Melania the card.

So I added a reason, based on Trump’s statements about his tax returns, why he might not give Melania a card, arriving at the final version: “But President Trump told Melania he couldn’t give her a card because the IRS is auditing it.”

My Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear.” This joke shows how to put that into practice as you compose the wording of your angle and punch line.