The joke: New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio strongly urged vaccinated people to wear masks indoors. He said masks would help protect New Yorkers from Covid-19, the Delta variant, and Governor Cuomo’s lips. How I wrote it: I wanted to write a joke based on the Cuomo sexual harassment accusations because jokes about politicians behaving badly almost always have a receptive audience.
The joke: Because of fuel delivery delays, today American Airlines urged its pilots to do everything possible to conserve fuel. So if an American Airlines pilot tells you he just flew in from Phoenix and boy, are his arms tired, it’s not a joke. How I wrote it: This news item caught my attention because the idea of airline pilots conserving fuel seemed
The joke: Amazon founder Jeff Bezos arrived safely back on earth in his space capsule this morning. And an email from Amazon said the other three passengers will arrive later in a separate shipment at no additional charge. How I wrote it: I chose this news item to base a joke on because it was a big story. It also seemed to offer
The joke: Amazon founder Jeff Bezos is donating $200 million to the Smithsonian for its Air and Space Museum. He says he can relate to the Air and Space Museum because those huge boxes that Amazon uses to mail tiny items are mostly full of air and space. How I wrote it: I thought I could turn this news item into a joke
The joke: Today the Prime Minister of Japan confirmed that spectators will be banned from all Olympics events in Tokyo. He also introduced a new Olympics mascot: Hello Kitty’s antisocial cousin, Goodbye Kitty. How I wrote it: This news item got my attention because it was a pretty big story. It also seemed to offer topic handles that had enough associations to use
The joke: After receiving a $150 million donation, the Yale School of Drama is eliminating tuition for all students. The students jumped for joy, then asked if that was too much and tried another reaction where they just clapped. How I wrote it: When I read this news item, the topic handle “the Yale School of Drama” immediately made me think I could
The joke: In Tennessee, two people were arrested for reportedly shooting up a Burger King after a dispute over a chicken sandwich. Apparently for them, “Have It Your Way” included wearing handcuffs. How I wrote it: This news item caught my attention because the crime it describes is so dumb. Plus the news item includes several topic handles that I thought I could
The joke: A Nebraska man set a new world record by making 60 skydiving jumps in 24 hours while naked. He also set a new world record for most seagulls lodged in a human rectum. How I wrote it: This news item attracted my interest because it described such a weird achievement. It also summoned up a vivid image in my mind, pointing
The joke: Reports say that production of the upcoming NBC series “Ultimate Slip ‘N Slide” was halted after an outbreak of “explosive diarrhea” on the set. But why? Isn’t a show called “Ultimate Slip ‘N Slide” the perfect place for explosive diarrhea? How I wrote it: This story caught my attention because a number of news outlets covered it. Plus it’s really disgusting.
The joke: Today the FDA said to avoid eating cicadas if you’re allergic to seafood. Was that really necessary? Was anybody really looking for a reason not to eat cicadas? How I wrote it: When I read the news item about eating cicadas I had the reaction “That’s disgusting.” Having an emotional reaction to a news story is a sign that the story