February 2016 - Joe Toplyn

A 10-year-old brought a gun to school for protection during a drug deal. School officials were upset, but did say the student is buying drugs at a high school level.

Writer: Chris Zalis

Joe’s analysis of the joke

Joe Toplyn 2 days ago

Recently a company in Japan introduced vending machines that sell whale meat. And most Japanese people are saying no thanks. The only thing they want to buy from a vending machine is a piping hot cup of squid ink.

Joe Toplyn 3 days ago

A U.S. tourist was fined for driving his rental car over a centuries-old, medieval Italian bridge. The Italians were waving their hands, swearing a mile a minute, gesturing wildly…and then they saw the car on the bridge.

Joe Toplyn 4 days ago

In an Oscar snub, Tom Cruise did not get an acting nomination for "Top Gun: Maverick." Insiders say he got a lot of votes but came up short.

Joe Toplyn 5 days ago

Today a 4.2 magnitude earthquake struck near Malibu, California. The shaking was so hard that one lane of the Pacific Coast Highway was temporarily closed due to large chunks falling off Cher's plastic surgery.

Joe Toplyn 6 days ago

It's the Chinese New Year—the Year of the Rabbit. To celebrate, President Biden visited a third-grade classroom and showed the kids how to make little origami rabbits out of classified documents.

Joe Toplyn 7 days ago

Chase Bank announced that it's closing some ATM vestibules in New York City at 5 pm because of rising crime. The good news is, bank officials say that customers who need cash after hours can always do what other New Yorkers do and pick somebody's pocket.

Joe Toplyn 1 week ago

Retired astronaut Buzz Aldrin just got married to his "longtime love." His astronaut friends say he's over the moon…in a nearly-circular, equatorial orbit with a period of 88 minutes.