February 2016 - Joe Toplyn

A 10-year-old brought a gun to school for protection during a drug deal. School officials were upset, but did say the student is buying drugs at a high school level.

Writer: Chris Zalis

Joe’s analysis of the joke

Joe Toplyn 5 hours ago

According to a teacher, a school in Kentucky is "infested" after a snake and a mouse fell from classroom ceilings. The good news is, now the school is teaching 4 Rs: reading, 'riting, reptiles, and rodents.

Joe Toplyn 2 days ago

Tonight Elton John will be performing at the White House. To support President Biden's climate policies he'll be singing "Bennie and the Teslas," "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on My Solar Panel," and "Energy-Efficient LED Bulb In The Wind."

Joe Toplyn 3 days ago

Today social media videos showed long lines of cars at border checkpoints trying to leave Russia. Vladimir Putin dismissed the videos, saying that those people were all in line to see Queen Elizabeth II's coffin.

Joe Toplyn 4 days ago

Today a lot of Russians tried to buy plane tickets out of Russia so they won't have to fight in Ukraine. They want to leave so bad, they're like, "Hey, Ron DeSantis, any seats left? We'll fly anywhere. Martha's Vineyard…Delaware…"

Joe Toplyn 5 days ago

An executive at food company Beyond Meat has been accused of biting a man’s nose in a fight. In his defense, the executive said it was all to promote Beyond Meat's newest product: nasal cartilage burgers.

Joe Toplyn 6 days ago

An Idaho man broke a Guinness World Record by riding a unicycle for 30 miles while juggling. No word on what he was juggling, but I think we can rule out multiple girlfriends.