Monthly Archives: November 2021

Joke About Black Friday Shopping

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The joke:

It’s the day after Thanksgiving, one of the biggest shopping days of the year, and the crowds are huge. Over 600 people are in line waiting to get into some stores in California…and those are just the shoplifters.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about Black Friday because it’s an annual event and it was in the news again. But the event by itself has only one topic handle: “Black Friday.”

So I used my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. To do that, I brainstormed associations of “Black Friday,” one of which is “crowds of people at stores.” That association called to mind other stories in the news, which were about crowds of thieves and shoplifters stealing from stores in California. So I wrote a punch line that links Black Friday shopping to the mass robberies in California.

When I fine-tuned the topic, I used my Joke Maximizer #3: Backload the topic. I did that by moving “the crowds are huge” to the end of the sentence. Those words in the topic relate most directly to the punch line.

I also backloaded the angle, for a different reason. I moved “in California” as close to the punch line as possible. If I put it earlier I thought my audience might guess the punch line, and my Joke Maximizer #5 is “Don’t telegraph the punch line.”

I close the number 600 because it’s large but plausible. If the number were large but implausible, say 6,000, then I thought it would distract the audience. And a distracted audience may not laugh as much at the punch line when it arrives.

Joke About a Ban on Ketchup Packets

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The joke:

To cut down on waste, a new ordinance in Los Angeles will ban free ketchup packets unless diners ask for them first. And it gets better. If diners want salt, they’ll have to settle for the sweat dripping off the fry cook’s forehead.

How I wrote it:

The original news item seemed promising for a joke because it had a few fertile-sounding topic handles.

But the item was a little too complicated, referring to mustard packets, climate change, and restaurants with 26 or more employees.

So I shortened and simplified the news item to arrive at the topic sentence you see here; I kept only the words I thought would be necessary to make the joke work well.

I then turned to my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic. The question I asked myself was, “What happens if diners ask for some other condiment that comes in packets?”

I thought about associations of “condiment in packets” and came up with “salt,” which I associated with “sweat.”

So I decided to answer my question by creating a punch line that links “sweat” to an association of the topic handle “diners,” namely “a restaurant employee.”

But instead of going with a generic punch line like “They’ll have to settle for some restaurant employee’s sweat,” I used my Joke Maximizer #9: Get specific. I picked a restaurant employee who might perspire a lot, added details, and wrote “the sweat dripping off the fry cook’s forehead.”

That punch line phrase also takes advantage of my Joke Maximizer #7: Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance; the phrase has six stop consonants.

Finally I added the angle “And it gets better.” I felt it would guide the audience smoothly from the topic to the punch line, which describes another waste reduction measure.

Joke About Tuna DNA at Subway

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The joke:

A lawsuit filed in California says that the tuna in Subway restaurants contains no detectable tuna DNA. The good news is, the DNA tests also prove that Subway’s Italian cold cuts can trace their ancestry back to Julius Caesar.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could write a good joke about this news story because it has two topic handles, “tuna” and “DNA,” with multiple associations. So I expected I could use my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

The first association of “DNA” that occurred to me was “paternity test,” which has the sub-association “Maury Povich reveals the test results.”

But I had already written jokes over the years in which Maury revealed the paternity test results for some unusual entity. And I didn’t want to repeat myself by writing a joke about, say, the paternity of a Subway sandwich.

So instead I brainstormed other associations of “DNA.” “Ancestry tests” came to mind, which seemed promising.

Then I brainstormed associations of the other topic handle, “tuna,” like other Subway sandwich ingredients. I asked myself what other ingredient suggests “ancestry test.” “Italian cold cuts” does, because it contains the name of a country.

My next question was “What historical figure would an Italian be excited to be distantly related to?” “Julius Caesar” popped into my head, which seemed appropriately grandiose and silly in this context. And I had my punch line linking “tuna” and “DNA.”

Another reason I liked “Italian cold cuts” in the joke is because of my Joke Maximizer #7: Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance. “Italian cold cuts” has five stop consonants, plus the alliteration in “cold cuts.”

I often use “The good news is” as an angle when the topic conveys negative information about something.

Joke About Daylight Saving Time in Washington

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The joke:

Daylight Saving Time ends this Sunday but they’re still arguing about the details in Washington. The Republicans are only agreeing to set clocks back half an hour and the Democrats want to buy everybody in America a new clock.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to do a joke about Daylight Saving Time (DST) because it was in the news. Also, it’s an event that affects everybody in the U.S. That means I could use the topic of DST to write a joke about a pop culture figure of my choice.

For example, the last DST joke I wrote stated that, when resetting his clocks, NY Governor Andrew Cuomo was “always putting his hands in the wrong place.”

This time I decided to write a DST joke that reflects the negotiations about spending going on in Washington. More specifically, I decided that my first topic handle would be “Daylight Saving Time” and my other topic handles would be “Republicans” and “Democrats.”

That is, I would use my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic–twice. First I’d use it to write a punch line about the Republicans and second to write a punch line about the Democrats. I wanted two punch lines because if my joke only made fun of one party I’d probably split my audience.

My first punch line links the DST association “set clocks back one hour” with the “Republicans” association “don’t agree to stuff.”

My second punch line links the DST association “clock” with the “Democrats” association “give people free stuff.”

My angle “still arguing about the details in Washington” guides the audience smoothly from the idea of DST to the punch line(s) about what the political parties want to do about it.

Joke About Mark Zuckerberg and Meta

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The joke:

Today Mark Zuckerberg said that Facebook will change its corporate name to Meta because of its new focus on the metaverse. He said the exciting virtual world of the metaverse will have no limits, no boundaries, and no congressional hearings.

How I wrote it:

I focused on this news item because it was a big story. Not only was Facebook changing its name, but a whistleblower at a recent congressional hearing had turned up the heat on the company.

I used my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic. One topic handle, “Mark Zuckerberg,” has as one association “hates congressional hearings.”

The other topic handle, “metaverse,” has the association “a different world.” By creating the laugh trigger “no congressional hearings,” I linked those two associations.

I also employed my Joke Maximizer #10–Use the Rule of Three–by making the laugh trigger the last item in a list of three. Ideally, for variety, I would have put in a second item that was less of a synonym of “limit” than “boundary.” But I couldn’t readily think of a better word.

I added “exciting” to the angle to help mislead the audience: the word suggests that Zuckerberg is a passionate visionary but the punch line reveals that he’s just a resentful CEO.

My Joke Maximizer #1 is “Shorten as much as possible.” So could I have taken any more words out of the joke? I don’t think so. Because the news story was brand-new, I couldn’t assume that the audience would know much about it. So I had to include a few more details in the joke, like “metaverse” and “virtual world,” to make sure the audience would understand the punch line.