December 2016 - Joe Toplyn

A British magician broke a Guinness World Record by performing twenty magic tricks under water in just three minutes. He also broke the World Record for smallest scuba tank on a rabbit.

Joe Toplyn 3 days ago

Because of the coronavirus, the CDC is pleading with Americans not to travel for Thanksgiving. And President Trump is like, "See? Even the CDC says I should stay in the White House."

Joe Toplyn 4 days ago

The Arecibo radio telescope in Puerto Rico is so damaged that it'll have to be demolished. Astronomers say it became dangerously overloaded while searching for signs of intelligent life in President Trump's Twitter feed.

Joe Toplyn 5 days ago

Today People magazine named actor Michael B. Jordan the Sexiest Man Alive for 2020. Or as Rudy Giuliani put it, "Today People magazine named President Donald J. Trump the Sexiest Man Alive for 2020."

Joe Toplyn 6 days ago

Today Twitter is rolling out a new feature called "Fleets," where your tweets disappear in 24 hours. Except for President Trump's tweets, which sue Twitter so they don't have to disappear.