Monthly Archives: May 2021

Joke About Covid-19 Escaping

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The joke:

Scientists now think that Covid-19 may have escaped from a lab in Wuhan, China. As evidence, they point to a cell in the lab where there’s a blanket almost covering a dummy coronavirus head made of papier-mache and hair clippings.

How I wrote it:

I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. “Covid-19” was an obvious choice for one topic handle because it’s responsible for a lot of the topic’s newsworthiness.

But the choice of the second topic handle wasn’t so obvious. “China” was a possibility but, in connection with “Covid-19,” it doesn’t add much to the newsworthiness. A word that adds more is “escaped.” So I chose “escaped” as my second topic handle.

The verb “escaped” is an unusual choice because topic handles are almost always nouns or noun phrases. Still, the word seemed to have a lot of potentially useful associations, so I went with it.

Brainstorming associations of “escaped,” I visualized an escaping prison inmate placing a handmade dummy head of himself in his bed to fool the guards. Grafting a coronavirus into that scenario, I had my punch line.

To describe the escape scenario and make my punch line completely clear I needed a lot of words. But I wanted to adhere to my Joke Maximizer #5–“Don’t telegraph the punch line.” And the longer the punch line was, the more likely the audience would be to get ahead of it. If the audience predicts a punch line, they won’t be surprised by it and they won’t laugh.

I minimized the potential problem of telegraphing by moving the most revealing details of the image I was painting as close to the end of the joke as possible.

I also prolonged my misdirection of the audience by using the phrase “a cell in the lab,” which could also refer to a biological cell.

Joke About Amazon Buying MGM

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The joke:

Amazon is in talks to buy Hollywood studio MGM, home of the James Bond movies. In fact, Amazon is already planning to remake one of them and call it “From Russia with Free Shipping.”

How I wrote it:

The original news headline was something like “Amazon in talks to buy Hollywood studio MGM for $9 billion.” I decided to base a joke on it because its two handles, “Amazon” and “MGM,” each have a lot of associations, particularly the latter. My Punch Line Maker #1 is “Link two associations of the topic,” so the more associations a topic has, the more possible punch lines it can spawn.

The first sentence of the news story mentioned that MGM is the studio behind the James Bond and Rocky franchises. But I thought the Bond association would have more sub-associations that I could use, so I reworded the topic to focus on that.

I also took out the unnecessary mention of the $9 billion because my Joke Maximizer #1 is “Shorten as much as possible.”

Movie titles are often useful in creating punch lines, so I explored the sub-association “James Bond movie titles.” To do that, I looked up a list of Bond movies online. I wanted to somehow link the name of a well-known Bond movie with an association of the other topic handle, “Amazon.”

“Amazon” is associated with “Prime” and “two-day shipping,” but I couldn’t find any Bond titles to link those associations to.

However, transplanting the association “free shipping” into “From Russia with Love” worked well, particularly because Amazon might conceivably ship products from Russia.

Finally, I added the angle “Amazon is already planning to remake one of them.” That’s because I wanted the audience to hear the punch line and immediately connect it to a real Bond movie title. That is, I wrote an angle consistent with my Joke Maximizer #4, “Make everything clear.”

Joke About Harry & Meghan & Proctor & Gamble

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The joke:

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have signed a partnership agreement with Procter & Gamble, the maker of Charmin. Insiders say their first project will be a new bathroom tissue called Royal Flush.

How I wrote it:

This news item grabbed my attention because Procter & Gamble is associated with the many products it makes, one of which I thought might lead to a punch line.

More specifically, I thought I could use my Punch Line Maker #3 and ask this question about the topic: “What Procter & Gamble product might the Duke and Duchess of Sussex endorse?”

To answer that question, and create a punch line, I brainstormed products associated with the topic handle “Procter & Gamble,” focusing on the least regal ones. I expected that P & G could be associated with “bathroom tissue,” which has the sub-association “toilets.”

The other topic handle, “Duke and Duchess of Sussex,” is associated with “royal.” So I created the wordplay punch line “Royal Flush” to link those associations of the two topic handles.

I confirmed that P & G does make a bathroom tissue, Charmin. So I added that brand name to the topic, to strengthen the logic of the joke and make the connection between the topic and punch line even clearer.

I remembered having seen the wordplay “Royal Flush” before, as the name of a real company on the side of a portable toilet. But I decided to use it as my punch line anyway because I thought it would be surprising, and funny, in this completely different context.

Am I being too mean, linking this likeable young couple to toilets? I don’t think so, because they are the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, so pretty much any joke at their expense is “punching up.”

Joke About “The Phantom of the Opera”

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The joke:

In October, “The Phantom of the Opera” is returning to Broadway. But things will be reversed because of Covid: If the audience takes off their masks, it’s the Phantom who’ll scream.

How I wrote it:

The actual news story that I read was about Broadway theaters reopening after having been shut down by Covid-19. The topic handles “Broadway” and “Covid-19” both have a lot of associations, so I was fairly sure I could turn the story into a joke.

Brainstorming associations of “Broadway,” I thought pretty quickly of “The Phantom of the Opera.” Maybe that’s because the musical prominently features a guy wearing a mask, and “wear a mask” is one of the associations of “Covid-19.”

I confirmed online that “The Phantom of the Opera” planned to reopen. Then I edited the topic of my joke to focus on that musical and planned to write a punch line about wearing a mask.

But various punch lines I came up with didn’t seem quite right. Would Covid-19 lead the Phantom to switch to a mask rated N95? That seemed a little obvious. Would the Phantom’s mask now have to cover his nose and mouth? I couldn’t remember how much of the Phantom’s face his mask already covers.

Then I realized that the audience would probably have to wear masks, too. And I connected the audience’s masks to the Phantom’s mask with the idea of people screaming in fear when the masks are removed. And I had my punch line.

My Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear.” To ensure that the punch line would be clear in its written form, I included “things will be reversed” in the angle. If I were delivering the joke out loud I might not need those words. Instead, I’d clarify the switcheroo in the punch line by stressing the words “audience” and “Phantom.”

For more joke-writing techniques like these, get “Comedy Writing for Late-Night TV.”

Joke About Biden’s Spending Plan

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The joke:

President Biden is building support for his $4 trillion spending plan. For example, he’s telling Americans that he’ll charge it to a credit card and share the 4 trillion reward miles.

How I wrote it:

I chose to write a joke about this topic because Biden’s spending plans were the subject of a lot of news coverage. But deciding how to phrase the topic took some thinking.

The original news item had a headline like “Biden turns to Georgia to begin pitch for huge spending plan.” On that news item I intended to use my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

One topic handle, “huge spending plan,” I associated with “charge it to credit card,” which I associated with “reward miles.”

Another topic handle, “turns to Georgia,” I associated with “flies to Georgia,” which I associated with “get free plane ticket using reward miles.”

So I tried linking the association “reward miles” to the association “get free plane ticket using reward miles” with a punch line something like “But at least he didn’t spend more money to fly to Georgia because he used a free plane ticket that he got with all the reward miles he earned by charging the spending plan to his credit card.” Which, of course, is way too long and complicated.

Plus that punch line isn’t logical: With Air Force One at his disposal, why would Biden need a free plane ticket?

But I did like the idea of a punch line ending with “4 trillion reward miles.” So I simplified the topic to what you see in the finished joke, adding the dollar amount of the spending plan.

Then I wrote an angle that smoothly connects the topic to the punch line using the idea that Biden is building support by sharing all those reward miles.