Monthly Archives: February 2022

Joke About Simone Biles’s Engagement

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The joke:

Olympian gymnast Simone Biles and NFL player Jonathan Owens just got engaged. They said they fell head over heels in love, although in Biles’s case it was head over heels over head over heels over head then a double salto layout with a half-twist and she stuck the landing.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could turn this news item into a joke because it offered two topic handles–“Simone Biles” and “got engaged”–each of which has a lot of associations. That meant I could use my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

As I brainstormed associations of Biles, I pictured her doing handsprings in one of her floor exercise routines. That mental image suggested the phrase “head over heels.” The phrase probably popped into my head because I was also pondering associations of “got engaged.” One of those associations is “fell in love,” which has the sub-association “head over heels.”

Once I found the link “head over heels,” I realized my punch line could describe Biles performing a floor exercise routine.

Because “head over heels” is an essential part of the joke, I included it in the angle. That way the angle would smoothly and clearly guide the audience from the topic to the punch line.

My Joke Maximizer #9 is “Get specific.” So when I described Biles’s routine I wanted to include a lot of detail; a detailed description would summon up an unexpectedly vivid mental picture in the audience’s mind, increasing the surprise of the punch line.

So I searched online for something like “difficult gymnastics moves.” Eventually I spotted “a double salto layout with a half-twist,” which seemed like the sort of move that might conclude a series of “head-over-heels” handsprings. It’s also, I learned, a move that’s named after Biles. I thought fans of gymnastics might appreciate that extra level of detail, so The Biles went into my punch line.

Joke About Putin’s Valentine

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The joke:

Monday is Valentine’s Day, and everybody’s getting into the spirit. Even Vladimir Putin sent Ukraine a Valentine reading “Won’t you be mine?”

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about Valentine’s Day because it’s a well-known cultural phenomenon. It also has lots of associations–cards, candy, flowers, Cupid, and so on–which makes it a fertile topic for joke-writing.

Valentine’s Day is such a fertile topic that when I wrote for “Late Night with David Letterman” we did a Desk Piece called something like “How They’re Celebrating Valentine’s Day.” It consisted of about a dozen jokes linking various associations of Valentine’s Day to associations of various celebrities.

Remembering that Desk Piece, I decided to use my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. Because Russia’s possible invasion of Ukraine was also in the news, I decided to link Valentine’s Day to Russian president Vladimir Putin.

To do that, I brainstormed associations of Valentine’s Day, one of which is those little candy hearts with sayings printed on them. The first such saying that popped into my head was “Be Mine.” Luckily for me, “Be Mine” seemed to express how Putin feels about Ukraine. So I had the idea for my punch line.

Mentioning the candy hearts in the actual joke seemed unnecessarily distracting. So I simplified the joke by having Putin just send Ukraine a Valentine with the saying.

But I worded the saying as “Won’t you be mine?” instead of “Be Mine.” Shorter is usually better, but I thought that making the joke clearer was worth adding two words.

If Russia does invade Ukraine, jokes like this will be trickier to pull off. But because the tanks haven’t rolled yet, I decided this joke would be acceptable to the audience.