Tag Archives: Jeffrey Epstein

Joke About Prince Andrew’s Titles

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The joke:

Today Buckingham Palace announced that Prince Andrew has been stripped of all his military titles and charities. The good news is, for those plane trips to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island, Prince Andrew gets to keep the frequent flyer miles.

How I wrote it:

I chose this topic because it was a big news story. Plus it’s fun to use comedy to “punch up” at a prince.

I went with my Punch Line Maker #3–Ask a question about the topic. That’s because the topic invited the question “What other nice things did Prince Andrew lose?”

Something silly like “the balance on his Starbucks gift card” seemed too arbitrary because it wasn’t linked to a topic handle.

But Starbucks gift cards reminded me of airline frequent flyer miles. And airline frequent flyer miles reminded me of an association of the topic handle “Prince Andrew,” namely “Jeffrey Epstein.”

I remembered that accused sex trafficker Epstein had a private island, and I confirmed online that Prince Andrew had flown there. That information made it possible for me to answer my question about what else Prince Andrew lost with a punch line about the frequent flier miles related to his alleged sex trips.

I used the angle “the good news is” because it heightens the surprise of the punch line; it leads the audience to expect some counterbalancing good news for Prince Andrew. But ultimately the news is, in the context of the really bad news, totally insignificant.

My Joke Maximizer #2 is “End on the laugh trigger.” That’s why the joke doesn’t end in a more natural-sounding but less surprising way like “The good news is, Prince Andrew gets to keep the frequent flyer miles he earned for those plane trips to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.”

Joke About a Younger Moon

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The joke:

A new study says that the moon is 85 million years younger than previous estimates. In fact, scientists say the moon is so young that Ghislaine Maxwell introduced it to Jeffrey Epstein.

How I wrote it:

I focused on this news item for joke writing because both topic handles, “moon” and “younger,” seemed to have many associations that might be linked to create a punch line.

The general idea of something being younger than expected led me to consider my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. What people currently in the news were younger than they should have been? The girls who Ghislaine Maxwell recruited–okay, allegedly recruited– for Jeffrey Epstein. So I created my punch line by substituting the moon mentioned in the topic for one of those girls.


Before I posted this joke, I thought about whether some outraged readers might protest, “Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein sex trafficked underage girls. How could you possibly joke about that?” I’ll tell you how.

One basic technique for writing jokes that deal with a potentially disturbing topic is to steer clear of the most disturbing aspects of the topic. In the case of this joke, I did that in two ways.

First, I included “the moon is so young” in my angle, to be sure that the image in the audience’s mind when they read the punch line is of an enormous, round rock being offered up to Epstein and not an underage girl.

Second, I only refer to Maxwell introducing the moon to Epstein. I don’t call to mind any of the repellent details of what happened after that, like the sexual abuse.

Joke About an Unsafe Toy

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The joke:

Today a watchdog group released its 2019 list of the toys deemed most unsafe for children. At the top of the list: Tickle Me Epstein.

How I wrote it:

This news item grabbed my interest because it reminded me of the prop pieces we used to do on Dave Letterman’s late-night shows. Writers would write jokes for a segment like “Dave’s Toy Shoppe” and then the prop department would actually build the “wacky props” and Dave would display them as he delivered the jokes. Prop pieces always got big laughs.

To write this joke I turned to my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. The handle of the topic is “unsafe toys,” so my first task was to think of someone or something in pop culture that would be unsafe in toy form.

Sex offender Jeffrey Epstein had resurfaced in the news, because of his association with Prince Andrew. And Epstein was known for sexually abusing underage girls. So a Jeffrey Epstein toy would definitely qualify as unsafe.

To create a snappy name for the toy I thought of lots of real-life toys while keeping in mind what Epstein did, including his massages. Tickle Me Elmo came to mind.

Luckily for me, “Elmo” and “Epstein” both have two syllables and begin with “E.” So substituting one for the other to create the name of the toy results in wordplay that is tighter than it could be and therefore more surprising and funnier.

Of course, there’s nothing funny about sex abuse. But the joke works for most people because it doesn’t call to mind any graphic details of Epstein’s crimes.

Plus the joke is really about how some stupid company thinks it can convince people to buy an obviously bad product. And stupid companies make great targets for jokes.