Monthly Archives: February 2021

Joke About Woolly Mammoth DNA

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The joke:

Scientists in Siberia have discovered million-year-old woolly mammoth DNA. The scientists were thrilled, and so was a woolly mammoth when Maury Povich told him, “You are NOT the father!”

How I wrote it:

This topic caught my eye because “DNA” has a lot of associations and therefore could result in jokes that go off in several directions.

My Punch Line Maker #1 is “Link two associations of the topic,” so my first task was to decide which other topic handle to link “DNA” to. “Woolly mammoth” was a logical candidate, but I couldn’t think of many associations for it beyond “woolly” and “prehistoric.”

So I thought some more about the rest of the topic. Topic handles are usually nouns, but the verb “discovered” stood out. I asked myself “What did the scientists discover about the DNA?” which prompted me to try my Punch Line Maker #4: Link the topic to pop culture. I thought of Maury Povich revealing the results of paternity tests on his show. And I had the basis of my punch line.

My punch line was relatively long, but I couldn’t figure out how to shorten “Maury Povich told him, ‘You are NOT the father!'” without hurting the joke. All I could do is put the entire punch line at the very end of the joke, as opposed to telegraphing the punch line by wording the joke something like, “Even more surprising was when Maury Povich told the woolly mammoth, ‘You are NOT the father.'”

The woolly mammoth that the scientists discovered was long-dead, of course, which made it tough to connect to the very much alive Maury Povich. So to smoothly connect the topic to the punch line I added an angle based on the idea of living things being thrilled.

Joke About Alex Trebek’s Clothing

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The joke:

Hundreds of articles of clothing that belonged to “Jeopardy” host Alex Trebek are being donated to charity. The charity says if you’re the first one to grab a suit, you can buy it for $200, $400, $600, $800, or $1000.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my attention because the two topic handles–“clothing” and “Jeopardy”–seemed to have enough associations to link into a good punch line.

One link came to me pretty quickly: “clothing” is associated with “buying clothing,” which has the sub-association “money.” And “money” is also associated with “Jeopardy.” So I thought I could create a punch line based on the dollar amounts of the game categories: $200, $400, $600, $800, and $1000.

But the logic of the joke isn’t completely solid: When you correctly answer a question on “Jeopardy” you get money, but when you buy a suit, you give money.

So to help the audience get past that bump in logic, I added to the angle another link between “buying clothing” and “Jeopardy,” which is “being the first to claim an item.” With that addition, I thought the joke would be clear enough that the slight defect in logic wouldn’t hurt it.

It appears that the real charity to which the clothing was donated won’t actually be selling it. But if I didn’t mention that fact in the joke, I figured the audience wouldn’t know.

Alex Trebek was a beloved figure in entertainment, so I briefly wondered whether using his name in a joke would offend a lot of people. But I decided that this joke was inoffensive because the only thing it says about Trebek is that he’s closely associated with “Jeopardy.” And who could disagree with that?

Joke About Yankee Stadium Vaccinations

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The joke:

Today Yankee Stadium officially opened as a Covid-19 vaccination site. It was exciting. Anthony Fauci threw out the first syringe.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news story might lead to a good joke because both of its handles, “Yankee Stadium” and “Covid-19 vaccination,” have lots of associations.

I turned to my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. Because some people apparently need encouragement to be vaccinated, I came up with the Yankee Stadium association “promotional giveaway,” which led me to its sub-association “bobblehead doll.”

To link “bobblehead doll” to the other topic handle, I needed a well-known person who is associated with “Covid-19 vaccination.” Of course, Dr. Anthony Fauci came to mind. So I linked those two associations together to get the punch line “bobblehead Anthony Fauci.”

But when I searched for “bobblehead promotion” on Google, to check whether baseball teams refer to it as a “promotion” or a “giveaway,” I somehow stumbled onto a reference to “bobblehead Anthony Fauci.” Aw, heck. If I posted my joke, some people might think I stole the idea from the real product.

That meant I needed another punch line. I liked including Anthony Fauci, so I thought about another way I could link him to “Yankee Stadium.” The official opening of the vaccination site reminded me of baseball’s Opening Day, which suggested throwing out the first pitch.

So I visualized Anthony Fauci throwing out the first pitch (which he did for real on another occasion). Then I put a surprising, vaccination-related twist on that mental image by making the baseball a syringe. Which gave me my punch line.

Joke About the Subway Lawsuit

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The joke:

Two California residents filed a lawsuit claiming that there is no tuna in Subway’s tuna sandwiches. If they win, they’ll get $10 million plus, for an extra $2.60, a Diet Coke and a bag of potato chips.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my attention because I thought a mass audience could relate to it; I know I could. Plus “Subway” has associations that I thought I could use to create a punch line. So “Subway” became my first topic handle.

But my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic–requires that you pick two handles of the topic. “Tuna” seemed promising as a second handle, but in connection with “Subway” it didn’t seem as interesting as “lawsuit.” So I tried “lawsuit” for the second handle.

I brainstormed associations of “Subway” and landed on “Meal Deal,” which has the association “money.” “Lawsuit” also has the association “money.” So I decided to base my punch line on those two Californians getting the Meal Deal.

But I faced a structural problem: the Meal Deal involves getting something from Subway, whereas the lawsuit involves not getting some something from Subway, namely tuna.

I solved the problem by writing an angle about what the Californians will get if they win, which let me smoothly connect to my punch line about getting the Meal Deal.

I went online to confirm what the Meal Deal includes and how much it costs. Instead of writing “a soft drink and a side,” I used my Joke Maximizer #9–Get specific–and listed specific menu items.

When I named those menu items I also employed my Joke Maximizer #7–Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance. “A Diet Coke and a bag of potato chips” includes a whopping eleven stop consonants.