Category Archives: Joke Writing Workshop

Four-time Emmy winner Joe Toplyn shows how the writing techniques in his book apply to some jokes about current events.

Joke About Explosive Diarrhea

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The joke:

Reports say that production of the upcoming NBC series “Ultimate Slip ‘N Slide” was halted after an outbreak of “explosive diarrhea” on the set. But why? Isn’t a show called “Ultimate Slip ‘N Slide” the perfect place for explosive diarrhea?

How I wrote it:

This story caught my attention because a number of news outlets covered it. Plus it’s really disgusting.

The phrase “explosive diarrhea” called to my mind a vivid mental picture. So I decided to use my Punch Line Maker #5: Visualize the topic.

My next step was to form a different, exaggerated perspective on that vivid mental picture. I did so by considering the title of that NBC series and imagining people slipping ‘n’ sliding on all that diarrhea.

To turn that exaggerated perspective into a punch line, I took the advice of my Punch Line Maker #6–State the obvious about the topic. If people were slipping ‘n’ sliding around on diarrhea, wouldn’t they obviously fit right into a show called “Ultimate Slip ‘N Slide?” And I had my punch line.

Before sending my joke out into the world, I asked myself whether it was so disgusting that my audience wouldn’t accept it and wouldn’t laugh.

But I figured that if multiple news outlets had decided that their audience would accept a story about “explosive diarrhea,” then most of my audience would probably accept a not-particularly-graphic joke about the story.

And I remembered this advice about doing edgy comedy that writer/director Mel Brooks said he once received from John Calley, then head of production at Warner Bros.: “If you’re going to go up to the bell, ring it.”

I had decided to go up to the bell, which was the news story about diarrhea. So I rang that bell by doing the sort of disgusting joke that the diarrhea story was made for.

Joke About Eating Cicadas

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The joke:

Today the FDA said to avoid eating cicadas if you’re allergic to seafood. Was that really necessary? Was anybody really looking for a reason not to eat cicadas?

How I wrote it:

When I read the news item about eating cicadas I had the reaction “That’s disgusting.” Having an emotional reaction to a news story is a sign that the story grabbed your interest and therefore could be a good topic for a joke that a mass audience would enjoy.

Soon after I had that emotional reaction, a related question popped into my head: “Who wants to eat cicadas anyway?” Asking oneself an obvious question suggested by the topic is the first step in my Punch Line Maker #6: State the obvious about the topic.

Punch Line Maker #6 isn’t used very often but it seemed like it would work here. So I continued with it and wrote a punch line based on the obvious answer to my obvious question. The obvious answer was “Nobody wants to eat cicadas.”

But wording the joke this way would have been too direct: “Why did they need to say that? Nobody wants to eat cicadas.” So I used my Joke Maximizer #11–Don’t be too on-the-nose–and instead came up with a more indirect way of expressing the same idea in the punch line.

Note that I could have used my Joke Maximizer #6–Make the punch line parallel–and worded the punch line something like “Was anybody really looking for a reason to avoid eating cicadas?” But my Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear,” and that wording didn’t seem quite as clear as the final version I went with.

Finally, I added the angle “Was that really necessary?” to get the audience into the frame of mind to immediately understand the punch line.

Joke About Covid-19 Escaping

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The joke:

Scientists now think that Covid-19 may have escaped from a lab in Wuhan, China. As evidence, they point to a cell in the lab where there’s a blanket almost covering a dummy coronavirus head made of papier-mache and hair clippings.

How I wrote it:

I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. “Covid-19” was an obvious choice for one topic handle because it’s responsible for a lot of the topic’s newsworthiness.

But the choice of the second topic handle wasn’t so obvious. “China” was a possibility but, in connection with “Covid-19,” it doesn’t add much to the newsworthiness. A word that adds more is “escaped.” So I chose “escaped” as my second topic handle.

The verb “escaped” is an unusual choice because topic handles are almost always nouns or noun phrases. Still, the word seemed to have a lot of potentially useful associations, so I went with it.

Brainstorming associations of “escaped,” I visualized an escaping prison inmate placing a handmade dummy head of himself in his bed to fool the guards. Grafting a coronavirus into that scenario, I had my punch line.

To describe the escape scenario and make my punch line completely clear I needed a lot of words. But I wanted to adhere to my Joke Maximizer #5–“Don’t telegraph the punch line.” And the longer the punch line was, the more likely the audience would be to get ahead of it. If the audience predicts a punch line, they won’t be surprised by it and they won’t laugh.

I minimized the potential problem of telegraphing by moving the most revealing details of the image I was painting as close to the end of the joke as possible.

I also prolonged my misdirection of the audience by using the phrase “a cell in the lab,” which could also refer to a biological cell.

Joke About Amazon Buying MGM

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The joke:

Amazon is in talks to buy Hollywood studio MGM, home of the James Bond movies. In fact, Amazon is already planning to remake one of them and call it “From Russia with Free Shipping.”

How I wrote it:

The original news headline was something like “Amazon in talks to buy Hollywood studio MGM for $9 billion.” I decided to base a joke on it because its two handles, “Amazon” and “MGM,” each have a lot of associations, particularly the latter. My Punch Line Maker #1 is “Link two associations of the topic,” so the more associations a topic has, the more possible punch lines it can spawn.

The first sentence of the news story mentioned that MGM is the studio behind the James Bond and Rocky franchises. But I thought the Bond association would have more sub-associations that I could use, so I reworded the topic to focus on that.

I also took out the unnecessary mention of the $9 billion because my Joke Maximizer #1 is “Shorten as much as possible.”

Movie titles are often useful in creating punch lines, so I explored the sub-association “James Bond movie titles.” To do that, I looked up a list of Bond movies online. I wanted to somehow link the name of a well-known Bond movie with an association of the other topic handle, “Amazon.”

“Amazon” is associated with “Prime” and “two-day shipping,” but I couldn’t find any Bond titles to link those associations to.

However, transplanting the association “free shipping” into “From Russia with Love” worked well, particularly because Amazon might conceivably ship products from Russia.

Finally, I added the angle “Amazon is already planning to remake one of them.” That’s because I wanted the audience to hear the punch line and immediately connect it to a real Bond movie title. That is, I wrote an angle consistent with my Joke Maximizer #4, “Make everything clear.”

Joke About Harry & Meghan & Proctor & Gamble

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The joke:

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have signed a partnership agreement with Procter & Gamble, the maker of Charmin. Insiders say their first project will be a new bathroom tissue called Royal Flush.

How I wrote it:

This news item grabbed my attention because Procter & Gamble is associated with the many products it makes, one of which I thought might lead to a punch line.

More specifically, I thought I could use my Punch Line Maker #3 and ask this question about the topic: “What Procter & Gamble product might the Duke and Duchess of Sussex endorse?”

To answer that question, and create a punch line, I brainstormed products associated with the topic handle “Procter & Gamble,” focusing on the least regal ones. I expected that P & G could be associated with “bathroom tissue,” which has the sub-association “toilets.”

The other topic handle, “Duke and Duchess of Sussex,” is associated with “royal.” So I created the wordplay punch line “Royal Flush” to link those associations of the two topic handles.

I confirmed that P & G does make a bathroom tissue, Charmin. So I added that brand name to the topic, to strengthen the logic of the joke and make the connection between the topic and punch line even clearer.

I remembered having seen the wordplay “Royal Flush” before, as the name of a real company on the side of a portable toilet. But I decided to use it as my punch line anyway because I thought it would be surprising, and funny, in this completely different context.

Am I being too mean, linking this likeable young couple to toilets? I don’t think so, because they are the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, so pretty much any joke at their expense is “punching up.”

Joke About “The Phantom of the Opera”

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The joke:

In October, “The Phantom of the Opera” is returning to Broadway. But things will be reversed because of Covid: If the audience takes off their masks, it’s the Phantom who’ll scream.

How I wrote it:

The actual news story that I read was about Broadway theaters reopening after having been shut down by Covid-19. The topic handles “Broadway” and “Covid-19” both have a lot of associations, so I was fairly sure I could turn the story into a joke.

Brainstorming associations of “Broadway,” I thought pretty quickly of “The Phantom of the Opera.” Maybe that’s because the musical prominently features a guy wearing a mask, and “wear a mask” is one of the associations of “Covid-19.”

I confirmed online that “The Phantom of the Opera” planned to reopen. Then I edited the topic of my joke to focus on that musical and planned to write a punch line about wearing a mask.

But various punch lines I came up with didn’t seem quite right. Would Covid-19 lead the Phantom to switch to a mask rated N95? That seemed a little obvious. Would the Phantom’s mask now have to cover his nose and mouth? I couldn’t remember how much of the Phantom’s face his mask already covers.

Then I realized that the audience would probably have to wear masks, too. And I connected the audience’s masks to the Phantom’s mask with the idea of people screaming in fear when the masks are removed. And I had my punch line.

My Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear.” To ensure that the punch line would be clear in its written form, I included “things will be reversed” in the angle. If I were delivering the joke out loud I might not need those words. Instead, I’d clarify the switcheroo in the punch line by stressing the words “audience” and “Phantom.”

For more joke-writing techniques like these, get “Comedy Writing for Late-Night TV.”

Joke About Biden’s Spending Plan

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The joke:

President Biden is building support for his $4 trillion spending plan. For example, he’s telling Americans that he’ll charge it to a credit card and share the 4 trillion reward miles.

How I wrote it:

I chose to write a joke about this topic because Biden’s spending plans were the subject of a lot of news coverage. But deciding how to phrase the topic took some thinking.

The original news item had a headline like “Biden turns to Georgia to begin pitch for huge spending plan.” On that news item I intended to use my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

One topic handle, “huge spending plan,” I associated with “charge it to credit card,” which I associated with “reward miles.”

Another topic handle, “turns to Georgia,” I associated with “flies to Georgia,” which I associated with “get free plane ticket using reward miles.”

So I tried linking the association “reward miles” to the association “get free plane ticket using reward miles” with a punch line something like “But at least he didn’t spend more money to fly to Georgia because he used a free plane ticket that he got with all the reward miles he earned by charging the spending plan to his credit card.” Which, of course, is way too long and complicated.

Plus that punch line isn’t logical: With Air Force One at his disposal, why would Biden need a free plane ticket?

But I did like the idea of a punch line ending with “4 trillion reward miles.” So I simplified the topic to what you see in the finished joke, adding the dollar amount of the spending plan.

Then I wrote an angle that smoothly connects the topic to the punch line using the idea that Biden is building support by sharing all those reward miles.

Joke About Earth Day

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The joke:

It’s Earth Day 2021, and President Biden is taking deforestation very seriously. This morning he looked in the mirror and made a solemn pledge to plant 100 new hair plugs.

How I wrote it:

I chose Earth Day as a joke topic because holidays tend to have a lot of associations that can be used to assemble a punch line.

To help in brainstorming associations, I Googled “how to celebrate Earth Day.” I planned to use my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. So I asked myself whether one of the associations of the topic handle “Earth Day” suggested a celebrity in some unexpected way.

“Picking up trash” didn’t suggest anybody. For example, I couldn’t think of a celebrity who had started dating anybody who might be described as “trash.”

“Reducing use of plastic” suggested some celebrity refraining from having more cosmetic surgery. But I couldn’t think of the right celebrity; singer Cher seemed overused as a plastic surgery punch line.

Then I saw Earth Day references to deforestation and planting trees. I associated those in an unexpected way with thinning hair and hair plugs, which I then linked to President Biden.

Although I’ve seen hundreds of jokes about Trump’s hair, I can’t remember seeing any about Biden’s hair. So I did another Google search and confirmed that Biden had, in fact, had hair plugs implanted. I wanted to be sure that most of my audience would accept that association as true.

Now that I had a punch line about Biden planting new hair plugs, I edited my topic and my angle to guide my audience smoothly toward it. I added “President Biden” and “deforestation” to the topic.

I also added “This morning he looked in the mirror” to the angle, to make it clear that Biden pledged to plant the hair plugs in his own scalp and not in somebody else’s.

Joke About Disney’s New Dress Code

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The joke:

This week Disney announced that its theme park employees will have a more flexible dress code. And it’s about time. Finally, animation fans can go Donald Duck-style: no pants.

How I wrote it:

I gravitate toward news stories about Disney for joke writing because the topic has so many well-known associations that can be used to create a punch line.

Here I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. The first topic handle, “Disney,” is associated with all the Disney characters. The other topic handle, “more flexible dress code,” is associated with unusual wardrobe choices.

To link the two associations, I brainstormed Disney characters who have made unusual wardrobe choices. Donald Duck, who wears no pants, seemed funny. So I decided to base my punch line on him and end the joke with “Donald Duck-style: no pants.”

But following the topic with something like this seemed a little weak: “Is that a good idea? What if animation fans want to go Donald Duck-style: no pants?”

Instead, I thought the joke would be stronger with an angle that leads the audience to expect that the new dress code will result in something good. That way the final image of human employees walking around pantsless would be more surprising, and therefore funnier. So I came up with the angle “And it’s about time. Finally…”

I ended the joke on “no pants” because my Joke Maximizer #2 advises, “End on the laugh trigger.” “Pants” is a funny word because of two characteristics: It’s short, with only one syllable. And it has two stop consonants, “P” and “T.” The humor potential of “pants” was undoubtedly a factor leading Dave Letterman to include it in the name of his production company, Worldwide Pants.

Joke About Vladimir Putin

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The joke:

Today Russian President Vladimir Putin signed a law allowing him to run for president two more times. The law also extended absentee voting: whoever votes against Putin goes mysteriously absent.

How I wrote it:

I focused on this news item because I felt like, for a change, writing a joke about a politician who isn’t American. Plus this story made the national news in the U.S., so I thought my audience might have some interest in it.

First I distilled the news item into a topic sentence that contained only the elements I thought I’d need to write a joke. Some versions of the item had a headline like “Putin signs law that could keep him in Kremlin until 2036.” Other versions had a headline like “Putin signs law allowing him to run for two more terms as Russian President.” I adapted the latter headline into my topic sentence because it referred more directly to elections, and I sensed that I’d be writing a punch line about the election process.

Once I had a topic sentence, I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. One topic handle, “run for president,” has the association “voting,” which has the sub-association “absentee voter.”

The other topic handle, “Vladimir Putin,” is associated in most people’s minds with “does terrible things to political opponents.” So I realized I could link the two topic handles with a punch line featuring some wordplay on “absentee voter.”

But working out the exact wording was a little tricky. I wanted to use my Joke Maximizer #6: Make the punch line parallel. But making the angle and punch line both refer to “absentee voter” would result in a punch line something like “whoever votes against Putin mysteriously becomes an absentee voter,” which doesn’t clearly communicate the idea that Putin is making them disappear. The wording that I settled on trades parallelism for clarity.