Monthly Archives: January 2022

Joke About the New White House Cat

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The joke:

There’s a new White House pet, a short-haired cat named Willow. Between all the napping, getting groomed, and wandering around aimlessly, President Biden hasn’t had the time to meet the cat yet.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could turn this news item into a joke because the topic handles “cat” and “White House” each seemed to have enough associations to link into a punch line.

Turning to my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic–I brainstormed activities that could be associated with both a cat and President Biden. I was aiming for a joke that misleads the audience into thinking I’m talking about the cat but actually–surprise!–I’m talking about Biden.

Napping and wandering around aimlessly were the first two activities that came to mind. Cats are known for engaging in them, and I thought my audience would associate them with Biden, too.

I could have settled for just those two activities but I wanted to add a third, to strengthen the misdirection. Ideally the third activity would be one that people would, at first, associate more with cats than with Biden. “Getting groomed” did the job.

I considered keeping the punch line shorter, wording it as “President Biden hasn’t met the cat yet.” But I decided that that wording could mean the cat has been so busy that it hasn’t been available to meet Biden yet. So, for clarity, I added the phrase about Biden not having the time.

The original news item centered on the Bidens adopting the cat. But I took any reference to Biden out of the topic sentence. That’s because my Joke Maximizer #5 is “Don’t telegraph the punch line.”

Joke About a Pfizer Pill in France

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The joke:

Today Pfizer said it will add a production facility for its antiviral Covid-19 pill in France. Is that a good idea? If you’re making a pill that gives you back your sense of smell, do you really want to do that in France?

How I wrote it:

I chose this news item to base a joke on because it has two handles–“Covid-19” and “France”–that seemed to have enough associations. Plus I asked myself why Pfizer might think that France was a good place to make pills that fight Covid-19.

That question pointed me toward my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. As I brainstormed associations of “Covid-19” and “France,” I tried to think of how to link them in a way that would explain Pfizer’s decision.

One association of “Covid-19” is “lose your sense of smell.” And one association of “France” is “smelly,” thanks to its reputation for stinky cheeses and infrequent bathing. So I decided to create a punch line stating that Pfizer’s decision was somehow connected to the smelliness of the French.

To figure out the wording of the punch line, I worked out an underlying logic: Because the French are perceived as smelly, you wouldn’t want a sense of smell if you were in France. But Pfizer’s pill would give back the sense of smell to people in France with Covid-19. So maybe building that pill facility in France isn’t a good idea.

Shortening and tidying up that chain of logic gave me my angle and punch line. As I edited, I obeyed my Joke Maximizer #11: Don’t be too on-the-nose. The final punch line doesn’t state directly that the French are smelly, as this version does: “If you make a pill that gives you back your sense of smell, then more people will have to smell the stinky French.”

Joke About Prince Andrew’s Titles

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The joke:

Today Buckingham Palace announced that Prince Andrew has been stripped of all his military titles and charities. The good news is, for those plane trips to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island, Prince Andrew gets to keep the frequent flyer miles.

How I wrote it:

I chose this topic because it was a big news story. Plus it’s fun to use comedy to “punch up” at a prince.

I went with my Punch Line Maker #3–Ask a question about the topic. That’s because the topic invited the question “What other nice things did Prince Andrew lose?”

Something silly like “the balance on his Starbucks gift card” seemed too arbitrary because it wasn’t linked to a topic handle.

But Starbucks gift cards reminded me of airline frequent flyer miles. And airline frequent flyer miles reminded me of an association of the topic handle “Prince Andrew,” namely “Jeffrey Epstein.”

I remembered that accused sex trafficker Epstein had a private island, and I confirmed online that Prince Andrew had flown there. That information made it possible for me to answer my question about what else Prince Andrew lost with a punch line about the frequent flier miles related to his alleged sex trips.

I used the angle “the good news is” because it heightens the surprise of the punch line; it leads the audience to expect some counterbalancing good news for Prince Andrew. But ultimately the news is, in the context of the really bad news, totally insignificant.

My Joke Maximizer #2 is “End on the laugh trigger.” That’s why the joke doesn’t end in a more natural-sounding but less surprising way like “The good news is, Prince Andrew gets to keep the frequent flyer miles he earned for those plane trips to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.”

Joke About Free Covid Test Kits

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The joke:

According to the Biden administration, free Covid test kits will be made available to anyone who wants one starting later this month. The bad news is, the test kits are being provided by Elizabeth Holmes.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news story would be good to base a joke on because it was widely covered. Also, the number of free test kits promised–500 million–was conspicuously huge, although I edited that detail out of my final joke when it turned out to be unnecessary.

Partly because the topic has only one obvious handle–“free Covid test kits”–I gravitated toward using my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

One question that popped into my head was “Who will provide the test kits?” That’s probably because another big story at the time was about Elizabeth Holmes. She had just been convicted of fraud in connection with her blood testing company, Theranos. So I decided it would be funny if she was the one providing the test kits. And I had my punch line.

But I had to decide exactly how to word it. My Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear.” That argued for a detailed punch line, something like “the test kits are being provided by convicted Theranos fraudster Elizabeth Holmes.” But my Joke Maximizer #11 advises “Don’t be too on-the-nose,” which a detailed punch line ran the risk of being.

In the end I made a judgment call, which comedy writers often do, and limited the punch line to just “Elizabeth Holmes.” I decided to pay my audience the compliment of assuming that they would know who she is.

I often use the efficient angle “The bad news is” to guide the audience from a positive topic to a negative punch line.

Joke About Exercise Bikes in McDonald’s

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The joke:

McDonald’s in China is testing exercise bikes that customers can ride while they eat, to stay healthier. Experts say the idea of staying healthy while eating at McDonald’s is perfect for customers who are McDelusional.

How I wrote it:

The original news story focused mainly on how McDonald’s in China wants the exercise bikes to “inspire more green behaviours”: the bikes can generate electricity, which can be used to charge electronic devices like mobile phones.

But at least one version of the story also mentioned that the company thought the bikes would promote healthiness. That idea struck me as ridiculous, which led me to believe I could write a joke reflecting that emotional reaction.

To do that, I used my Punch Line Maker #6, asking the question “Who would believe that eating at McDonald’s could be healthy?” The obvious answer to that question–somebody who’s delusional–became the basis of my punch line.

When I worded the punch line, I wanted to obey my Joke Maximizer #11–Don’t be too on-the-nose. I also noticed that “delusional” sounds a little like “Donald.” So I devised the portmanteau “McDelusional” to make my point without being completely direct about it.

Finally I wrote an angle that reinforces the supposed connection between McDonald’s food and healthiness. That way my punch line about delusion would be immediately clear.

A lot of people don’t like jokes involving puns and other forms of wordplay. But this joke is an example of how wordplay jokes can be funny as long as they’re well-constructed. For more about this, read my article “Why Do People Not Like Puns?”