Category Archives: Joke Writing Workshop

Four-time Emmy winner Joe Toplyn shows how the writing techniques in his book apply to some jokes about current events.

Joke About Free Covid Test Kits

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The joke:

According to the Biden administration, free Covid test kits will be made available to anyone who wants one starting later this month. The bad news is, the test kits are being provided by Elizabeth Holmes.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news story would be good to base a joke on because it was widely covered. Also, the number of free test kits promised–500 million–was conspicuously huge, although I edited that detail out of my final joke when it turned out to be unnecessary.

Partly because the topic has only one obvious handle–“free Covid test kits”–I gravitated toward using my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic.

One question that popped into my head was “Who will provide the test kits?” That’s probably because another big story at the time was about Elizabeth Holmes. She had just been convicted of fraud in connection with her blood testing company, Theranos. So I decided it would be funny if she was the one providing the test kits. And I had my punch line.

But I had to decide exactly how to word it. My Joke Maximizer #4 is “Make everything clear.” That argued for a detailed punch line, something like “the test kits are being provided by convicted Theranos fraudster Elizabeth Holmes.” But my Joke Maximizer #11 advises “Don’t be too on-the-nose,” which a detailed punch line ran the risk of being.

In the end I made a judgment call, which comedy writers often do, and limited the punch line to just “Elizabeth Holmes.” I decided to pay my audience the compliment of assuming that they would know who she is.

I often use the efficient angle “The bad news is” to guide the audience from a positive topic to a negative punch line.

Joke About Exercise Bikes in McDonald’s

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The joke:

McDonald’s in China is testing exercise bikes that customers can ride while they eat, to stay healthier. Experts say the idea of staying healthy while eating at McDonald’s is perfect for customers who are McDelusional.

How I wrote it:

The original news story focused mainly on how McDonald’s in China wants the exercise bikes to “inspire more green behaviours”: the bikes can generate electricity, which can be used to charge electronic devices like mobile phones.

But at least one version of the story also mentioned that the company thought the bikes would promote healthiness. That idea struck me as ridiculous, which led me to believe I could write a joke reflecting that emotional reaction.

To do that, I used my Punch Line Maker #6, asking the question “Who would believe that eating at McDonald’s could be healthy?” The obvious answer to that question–somebody who’s delusional–became the basis of my punch line.

When I worded the punch line, I wanted to obey my Joke Maximizer #11–Don’t be too on-the-nose. I also noticed that “delusional” sounds a little like “Donald.” So I devised the portmanteau “McDelusional” to make my point without being completely direct about it.

Finally I wrote an angle that reinforces the supposed connection between McDonald’s food and healthiness. That way my punch line about delusion would be immediately clear.

A lot of people don’t like jokes involving puns and other forms of wordplay. But this joke is an example of how wordplay jokes can be funny as long as they’re well-constructed. For more about this, read my article “Why Do People Not Like Puns?”

Joke About the Webb Space Telescope

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The joke:

Yesterday was the launch of the $10 billion Webb Space Telescope. Astronomers say it’s so powerful that it’ll be able to scan the universe and find someone who actually went to see Steven Spielberg’s “West Side Story.”

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about the Webb Space Telescope because it was a big news story. Plus I thought I could use my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture.

To do that, I thought of associations of the topic handle “Webb Space Telescope.” One association, which was highlighted by the news coverage, is “very powerful.” Then I tried to think of somebody or something in pop culture that you’d need a really powerful telescope to see.

Steven Spielberg’s “West Side Story” is part of pop culture. A friend told the story of how he and his wife went to see it and were only two of six people in the theater. A quick search online confirmed that multiple sources said the movie is a bomb in terms of ticket sales. So I linked the topic to pop culture via a punch line stating that very few people went to see the movie.

Were attendees at the movie so scarce that you’d need an incredibly powerful telescope to spot even one of them? Of course not. But my Joke Maximize #8 is “Wildly exaggerate.”

I added “scan the universe and” to emphasize how hard it would be to find someone anywhere who had seen the movie. I also thought that phrase would help misdirect the audience into thinking that the joke would be about finding astronomical features. That misdirection would heighten the surprise, and funniness, of the punch line.

Is the joke too mean? No. Steven Spielberg is one of the most successful directors in history. So this joke is “punching up,” and therefore almost certainly acceptable to most people.

Joke About Kim Kardashian’s Law Exam

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The joke:

Congratulations to Kim Kardashian, who just passed California’s First-Year Law Students’ Examination. You can tell she didn’t have a cheat sheet on her because during the exam she posted a nude selfie.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my attention because it surprised me: I wouldn’t have expected that reality TV star Kim Kardashian could pass what must be a difficult exam.

Also, as a topic handle Kim Kardashian has some associations that I thought would be useful in writing a joke. That is, I thought I could use this news item with my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic.

But some associations of Kim Kardashian that I’ve used in the past were hard to link to the other topic handle, “First-Year Law Students’ Examination.” For example, how could I link “excessive bikini waxing” to a law exam? And I couldn’t easily link “not very smart” or “doesn’t do any real work” to the exam. That’s because she did pass the exam, which must have required some brains and studying.

Then I thought of the Kim Kardashian association “takes nude selfies” and asked myself how I could link that to taking the exam. And it occurred to me that one association of “taking a difficult exam” is “using a cheat sheet.” That’s when I realized that I could link those two associations by basing a punch line on the idea that a nude selfie would prove she wasn’t hiding a cheat sheet.

Because my Joke Maximizer #2 is “End on the laugh trigger,” I worded the joke to put “nude selfie” at the very end.

Finally, the original news item called the exam the “baby bar exam,” which is apparently how it’s usually referred to. But I used the full name of the exam to make the topic as clear as possible, per my Joke Maximizer #4.

Joke About a Camel Beauty Contest

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The joke:

Forty-three camels have been disqualified from a popular camel beauty contest in Saudi Arabia for getting Botox injections and other cosmetic enhancements. The news about the camel beauty contest was announced by Saudi Arabia’s Minister of Stereotypes.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my attention because it’s so odd. Plus my Punch Line Maker #3–Ask a question about the topic–could take the joke in many directions. Why is there a camel beauty contest? What do the judges look for? What does the winner get?

But then I considered my seldom-used Punch Line Maker #6–State the obvious about the topic. The news item suggests the obvious question, “Doesn’t a camel beauty contest fit everybody’s stereotypical image of Saudi Arabia?” So in my punch line I could state the obvious answer to that question: “Yes.”

But my Joke Maximizer #11 is “Don’t be too on-the-nose.” So I didn’t want a punch line that’s too direct, something like “The good news is that the contest itself won a prize: Biggest Saudi Arabian Stereotype.”

Instead I stated the idea of stereotype more indirectly. I had the news announced by an official whose title includes that word. Maybe I got that idea from jokes of the form “You can read all about it in the magazine ‘Stereotypes Weekly.'”

I liked the dignity of the title “Minister.” But before using it I made sure that Saudi Arabia actually has Ministers in its government. If the lead-up to the laugh trigger sounds more credible, the laugh trigger will be more surprising.

I wanted to include the details about the Botox and so on in the topic because I thought the audience would want to know why the camels had been disqualified. But that made the topic sentence pretty long. So I repeated “camel beauty contest” in the angle, to make sure the audience would understand the laugh trigger “Stereotypes.”

Joke About Stealing Legos

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The joke:

In Germany over the weekend, burglars broke through the wall of a toy store and stole dozens of Lego sets. Luckily they left behind the 12,000-piece Lego Ultimate Collector Series Wall Hole Repair Set.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news item would make a good topic for a joke because it has handles–“burglars,” “toy store,” “Lego”–that have plenty of associations. And I often use my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic–to create a punch line.

But the phrase “burglars broke through the wall of a toy store” called to my mind an image of that happening. So I turned instead to my Punch Line Maker #5–Visualize the topic.

I visualized a pile of bricks cascading to the floor of the toy store as the burglars broke through. Then, because the topic also mentions Lego, I adjusted that mental image to include a pile of Lego bricks. That’s how I arrived at the idea for my punch line, that the hole in the wall could be repaired using Legos.

But I didn’t just write a generic punch line like “luckily they left behind enough Legos to repair the hole in the wall.” Instead I used my Joke Maximizer #9–Get specific. I did some research online to come up with a detailed name of a Lego set designed for that particular repair task; I took the phrase “Ultimate Collector Series” from the Lego “Star Wars” sets.

I also used my Joke Maximizer #8–Wildly exaggerate–when I specified 12,000 pieces. That’s considerably more than the largest number of pieces I saw for any real Lego set. But it’s not such a ridiculously large number that it diverts the audience’s attention from the laugh trigger.

Joke About Black Friday Shopping

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The joke:

It’s the day after Thanksgiving, one of the biggest shopping days of the year, and the crowds are huge. Over 600 people are in line waiting to get into some stores in California…and those are just the shoplifters.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about Black Friday because it’s an annual event and it was in the news again. But the event by itself has only one topic handle: “Black Friday.”

So I used my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. To do that, I brainstormed associations of “Black Friday,” one of which is “crowds of people at stores.” That association called to mind other stories in the news, which were about crowds of thieves and shoplifters stealing from stores in California. So I wrote a punch line that links Black Friday shopping to the mass robberies in California.

When I fine-tuned the topic, I used my Joke Maximizer #3: Backload the topic. I did that by moving “the crowds are huge” to the end of the sentence. Those words in the topic relate most directly to the punch line.

I also backloaded the angle, for a different reason. I moved “in California” as close to the punch line as possible. If I put it earlier I thought my audience might guess the punch line, and my Joke Maximizer #5 is “Don’t telegraph the punch line.”

I close the number 600 because it’s large but plausible. If the number were large but implausible, say 6,000, then I thought it would distract the audience. And a distracted audience may not laugh as much at the punch line when it arrives.

Joke About a Ban on Ketchup Packets

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The joke:

To cut down on waste, a new ordinance in Los Angeles will ban free ketchup packets unless diners ask for them first. And it gets better. If diners want salt, they’ll have to settle for the sweat dripping off the fry cook’s forehead.

How I wrote it:

The original news item seemed promising for a joke because it had a few fertile-sounding topic handles.

But the item was a little too complicated, referring to mustard packets, climate change, and restaurants with 26 or more employees.

So I shortened and simplified the news item to arrive at the topic sentence you see here; I kept only the words I thought would be necessary to make the joke work well.

I then turned to my Punch Line Maker #3: Ask a question about the topic. The question I asked myself was, “What happens if diners ask for some other condiment that comes in packets?”

I thought about associations of “condiment in packets” and came up with “salt,” which I associated with “sweat.”

So I decided to answer my question by creating a punch line that links “sweat” to an association of the topic handle “diners,” namely “a restaurant employee.”

But instead of going with a generic punch line like “They’ll have to settle for some restaurant employee’s sweat,” I used my Joke Maximizer #9: Get specific. I picked a restaurant employee who might perspire a lot, added details, and wrote “the sweat dripping off the fry cook’s forehead.”

That punch line phrase also takes advantage of my Joke Maximizer #7: Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance; the phrase has six stop consonants.

Finally I added the angle “And it gets better.” I felt it would guide the audience smoothly from the topic to the punch line, which describes another waste reduction measure.

Joke About Tuna DNA at Subway

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The joke:

A lawsuit filed in California says that the tuna in Subway restaurants contains no detectable tuna DNA. The good news is, the DNA tests also prove that Subway’s Italian cold cuts can trace their ancestry back to Julius Caesar.

How I wrote it:

I thought I could write a good joke about this news story because it has two topic handles, “tuna” and “DNA,” with multiple associations. So I expected I could use my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

The first association of “DNA” that occurred to me was “paternity test,” which has the sub-association “Maury Povich reveals the test results.”

But I had already written jokes over the years in which Maury revealed the paternity test results for some unusual entity. And I didn’t want to repeat myself by writing a joke about, say, the paternity of a Subway sandwich.

So instead I brainstormed other associations of “DNA.” “Ancestry tests” came to mind, which seemed promising.

Then I brainstormed associations of the other topic handle, “tuna,” like other Subway sandwich ingredients. I asked myself what other ingredient suggests “ancestry test.” “Italian cold cuts” does, because it contains the name of a country.

My next question was “What historical figure would an Italian be excited to be distantly related to?” “Julius Caesar” popped into my head, which seemed appropriately grandiose and silly in this context. And I had my punch line linking “tuna” and “DNA.”

Another reason I liked “Italian cold cuts” in the joke is because of my Joke Maximizer #7: Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance. “Italian cold cuts” has five stop consonants, plus the alliteration in “cold cuts.”

I often use “The good news is” as an angle when the topic conveys negative information about something.

Joke About Daylight Saving Time in Washington

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The joke:

Daylight Saving Time ends this Sunday but they’re still arguing about the details in Washington. The Republicans are only agreeing to set clocks back half an hour and the Democrats want to buy everybody in America a new clock.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to do a joke about Daylight Saving Time (DST) because it was in the news. Also, it’s an event that affects everybody in the U.S. That means I could use the topic of DST to write a joke about a pop culture figure of my choice.

For example, the last DST joke I wrote stated that, when resetting his clocks, NY Governor Andrew Cuomo was “always putting his hands in the wrong place.”

This time I decided to write a DST joke that reflects the negotiations about spending going on in Washington. More specifically, I decided that my first topic handle would be “Daylight Saving Time” and my other topic handles would be “Republicans” and “Democrats.”

That is, I would use my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic–twice. First I’d use it to write a punch line about the Republicans and second to write a punch line about the Democrats. I wanted two punch lines because if my joke only made fun of one party I’d probably split my audience.

My first punch line links the DST association “set clocks back one hour” with the “Republicans” association “don’t agree to stuff.”

My second punch line links the DST association “clock” with the “Democrats” association “give people free stuff.”

My angle “still arguing about the details in Washington” guides the audience smoothly from the idea of DST to the punch line(s) about what the political parties want to do about it.