Tag Archives: Covid-19

Joke About Covid-19 Escaping

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The joke:

Scientists now think that Covid-19 may have escaped from a lab in Wuhan, China. As evidence, they point to a cell in the lab where there’s a blanket almost covering a dummy coronavirus head made of papier-mache and hair clippings.

How I wrote it:

I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. “Covid-19” was an obvious choice for one topic handle because it’s responsible for a lot of the topic’s newsworthiness.

But the choice of the second topic handle wasn’t so obvious. “China” was a possibility but, in connection with “Covid-19,” it doesn’t add much to the newsworthiness. A word that adds more is “escaped.” So I chose “escaped” as my second topic handle.

The verb “escaped” is an unusual choice because topic handles are almost always nouns or noun phrases. Still, the word seemed to have a lot of potentially useful associations, so I went with it.

Brainstorming associations of “escaped,” I visualized an escaping prison inmate placing a handmade dummy head of himself in his bed to fool the guards. Grafting a coronavirus into that scenario, I had my punch line.

To describe the escape scenario and make my punch line completely clear I needed a lot of words. But I wanted to adhere to my Joke Maximizer #5–“Don’t telegraph the punch line.” And the longer the punch line was, the more likely the audience would be to get ahead of it. If the audience predicts a punch line, they won’t be surprised by it and they won’t laugh.

I minimized the potential problem of telegraphing by moving the most revealing details of the image I was painting as close to the end of the joke as possible.

I also prolonged my misdirection of the audience by using the phrase “a cell in the lab,” which could also refer to a biological cell.

Joke About Yankee Stadium Vaccinations

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The joke:

Today Yankee Stadium officially opened as a Covid-19 vaccination site. It was exciting. Anthony Fauci threw out the first syringe.

How I wrote it:

I thought this news story might lead to a good joke because both of its handles, “Yankee Stadium” and “Covid-19 vaccination,” have lots of associations.

I turned to my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. Because some people apparently need encouragement to be vaccinated, I came up with the Yankee Stadium association “promotional giveaway,” which led me to its sub-association “bobblehead doll.”

To link “bobblehead doll” to the other topic handle, I needed a well-known person who is associated with “Covid-19 vaccination.” Of course, Dr. Anthony Fauci came to mind. So I linked those two associations together to get the punch line “bobblehead Anthony Fauci.”

But when I searched for “bobblehead promotion” on Google, to check whether baseball teams refer to it as a “promotion” or a “giveaway,” I somehow stumbled onto a reference to “bobblehead Anthony Fauci.” Aw, heck. If I posted my joke, some people might think I stole the idea from the real product.

That meant I needed another punch line. I liked including Anthony Fauci, so I thought about another way I could link him to “Yankee Stadium.” The official opening of the vaccination site reminded me of baseball’s Opening Day, which suggested throwing out the first pitch.

So I visualized Anthony Fauci throwing out the first pitch (which he did for real on another occasion). Then I put a surprising, vaccination-related twist on that mental image by making the baseball a syringe. Which gave me my punch line.

Joke About Long Lines for the Vaccine

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The joke:

People are desperate. They want to know if they’re eligible. They’re trying to get on the list, waiting in long lines, sleeping in their cars. They all want to get one before the supply runs out. Yes, I’m talking about Presidential pardons.

How I wrote it:

I got the idea for this joke while I read the newspaper at breakfast; yes, I get home delivery of a physical paper, to supplement all the news I read online.

On the front page was a story about how states were having problems distributing the Covid-19 vaccine. Right below that was a story about how President Trump was preparing a long list of people to pardon.

And a connection between those two adjacent stories popped into my head: the idea of people lining up to get something valuable. So I had the idea for a punch line.

I could have built out that idea into a shorter joke, something like “People are waiting in long lines to get the Covid-19 vaccine. The bad news is, the lines are even longer to get a pardon from President Trump.”

But I thought the joke would be more surprising, and funnier, if I extended the misdirection of the angle by exaggerating the lengths that desperate people were going to.

The finished joke felt like one that other writers might come up with. So I posted it on Twitter, Facebook, and this website around 9:30 am, hours before I usually post my daily joke.

Sure enough, later that day a Facebook friend alerted me to a New Yorker cartoon that, according to Google, appeared online a few hours after I had posted my joke.

Did that cartoonist swipe my idea? No. All creators of topical comedy see the same news and use the same techniques to write jokes. So it’s no surprise when two writers independently come up with the same one.

For more on that phenomenon, read how Seth Meyers Did Not Steal My Joke.

Joke About Carrie Ann Inaba

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The joke:

Today “Dancing with the Stars” judge Carrie Ann Inaba said she has tested positive for Covid-19. More specifically, she said she scored a Covid-6, a Covid-7, and another Covid-6 from Derek Hough.

How I wrote it:

Testing positive for Covid-19 can lead to death, of course. So I read deeper into the story to make sure Carrie Ann Inaba was doing okay before I proceeded. I didn’t want to write a joke that would make people feel too guilty to laugh.

When I read the news item my mind quickly went to my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic.

That’s because one of the stronger associations I have for the topic handle “Dancing with the Stars” is those number scores that the judges hold up. And an obvious association of the other topic handle, “Covid-19,” is the number 19.

So I decided to write a punch line that links “19” to the scores that Carrie Ann Inaba supposedly received for a performance on the show.

I don’t watch the show regularly so I had to do a little research. I didn’t want fans of the show to be distracted by any incorrect details on their way to the punch line.

I was happy to confirm that the show usually has three judges. That meant I could take advantage of my Joke Maximizer #10–Use the Rule of Three–by constructing my punch line as a list of three scores.

I wanted the last score to be a little more surprising than the other two scores, because having a surprise at the end is how the Rule of Three works. So I attributed the last score to the judge whose name I thought would be the most recognizable. He’s been on the cover of “People Magazine,” hasn’t he?

Joke About the Holidays and Covid-19

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The joke:

The CDC is really being strict about the holidays because of the coronavirus. They even changed that Christmas carol about the reindeer. Now Vixen is Vaccine, Comet is Covid, Prancer is Pfizer, and no one can see Rudolph’s nose because it’s covered by a mask.

How I wrote it:

This joke started with the punch line instead of the more usual way–with the topic.

As I pondered how the pandemic might affect the holidays I noticed that “Covid” sounded sort of like “Comet,” one of the reindeer in the Christmas song “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” So I decided to write a joke using my Punch Line Maker #4: Find a play on words in the topic.

My Joke Maximizer #2 is “End on the laugh trigger,” so my instinct was to end the joke on “Covid.” But an internet search of the real lyrics revealed that “Comet” doesn’t end a line, it starts one. That meant that I couldn’t structure the punch line as a list of actual reindeer names from the song followed by “Covid.”

But as I studied the actual reindeer names, two more wordplay links between associations of “coronavirus” and “reindeer” occurred to me. The resulting fake names seemed funny so I decided to include them too.

However, that meant that my punch line would be a list of three reindeer names, all funny. So I couldn’t apply my Joke Maximizer #10–Use the Rule of Three–which requires a list of two unfunny items followed by third, surprisingly funny, item.

To end the joke with the funny surprise that I couldn’t achieve with the Rule of Three, I added a fourth laugh trigger that doesn’t depend on wordplay. Instead it links two associations of “coronavirus” and “reindeer” in a surprisingly visual way.

Once I had my punch line I wrote a factually true topic that included the handles I needed–“holidays” and “coronavirus”–to set up the punch line.

And I wrote an angle that mentions “Christmas carol” and “reindeer.” That way the audience would immediately identify the names in the punch line as coming from the “Rudolph” song.

Joke About Trump and Covid-19

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The joke:

President Trump is still in the hospital for Covid-19. Doctors say the good news is the virus isn’t making any progress because Trump’s immune system keeps interrupting it.

How I wrote it:

I wanted to write a joke about Trump contracting Covid-19 because it was a huge news story. But, as always, I also wanted to write a joke that could be enjoyed by as many people as possible. That’s a tricky task, because Trump is so polarizing.

So when I used my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic–I only considered associations that I thought most people would have, not just Trump haters and not just Trump supporters.

That meant when I came up with associations of the topic handle “Trump,” I rejected associations like “he deserves to be infected,” because plenty of people might disagree with that.

Instead, I went with an association that I thought everyone would be willing to accept, that in the first Presidential Debate, Trump had interrupted Biden constantly.

Associations of the other topic handle, “Covid-19,” include “immune system fights virus.” So I was able to create a punch line by substituting the idea of interrupting for the idea of fighting.

Because the news about Trump’s condition was so fast-moving at the time I wrote the joke, I crafted a topic that describes his status in general terms, so the joke would have a little longer shelf life.

I worded the angle as “the virus isn’t making any progress” so it would suggest something that someone in a debate might do. A wording like “the virus is being neutralized” wouldn’t have guided the audience from the topic to the punch line quite as smoothly.

Joke About Syracuse University

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The joke:

Syracuse University suspended 23 students for breaking rules against large gatherings during the pandemic. In their defense, the students were playing that new drinking game–Hydroxychloroquine Pong.

How I wrote it:

I decided to write a joke about this story because several news outlets covered it. Plus the topic handles “students” and “pandemic” seemed to have many potentially useful associations.

I used my Punch Line Maker #1: Link two associations of the topic. “Students,” especially in the context of college gatherings, is associated in my mind with Beer Pong.

“Pandemic” is associated with “hydroxychloroquine,” which at one point was touted as a possible treatment for Covid-19. I was pleased that the word has four stop consonants; my Joke Maximizer #7 is “Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance.” Substituting “hydroxychloroquine” for “beer” links the two associations and creates the punch line.

To set up the punch line effectively I used my Joke Maximizer #4: Make everything clear; I did that by including the phrase “drinking game,” so the meaning of the punch line would be immediately apparent. Is hydroxychloroquine, in fact, something you drink, like beer? Or is it a pill? I didn’t bother to check, because I didn’t think my audience would know or care.

I made sure to include “during the pandemic” in the topic, so that the connection of the topic to hydroxychloroquine would be even clearer. And I used my Joke Maximizer #3‑‑Backload the topic‑‑putting that phrase at the end of the topic so it would be closer to the punch line that relies on it.

Joke About AMC Theaters Reopening

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The joke:

Next week the movie theater chain AMC will reopen more than 100 U.S. theaters. But they’re taking precautions for the coronavirus. To make sure the theaters get filled to less than 10% of capacity, they’re only showing Adam Sandler movies.

How I wrote it:

I focused on this news item because the topic handles “movie theater” and “coronavirus” have many associations that might be used to create a punch line.

I started with my Punch Line Maker #1–Link two associations of the topic. I considered linking the association “movie theater popcorn” to the association “virus” to create some kind of punch line about the chemicals in the popcorn butter killing the virus. But the punch line didn’t seem strong enough.

Then I tried my Punch Line Maker #3 and asked this question about the topic: “How will they keep the number of patrons low?” To answer that question, I brainstormed reasons that people might not go to the movies, one of which is that the movies stink.

That seemed like a promising area for a joke, so I needed an actor who is well-known for appearing in lousy movies. A few minutes online took me to this article, “The top 15 actors who make the worst films.”

I didn’t think enough people would recognize the first actor on the list, Rob Schneider. And the second actor has such a strong reputation for appearing in crummy movies that I thought using him might strike my audience as being lazy and hacky. But none of the other names on the list seemed to work as well in the punch line. So Adam Sandler it was.

The news story said that AMC is capping attendance in their theaters at 30% of capacity. But I changed it to 10% in my angle, exaggerating how much Adam Sandler repels audiences, to make the punch line a little clearer and funnier.

Joke About National Lipstick Day

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The joke:

Today is National Lipstick Day. So put on your favorite, sexiest color lipstick, pucker up, and then describe to people what it looks like under your face mask.

How I wrote it:

This news item caught my eye because a holiday can often be a useful handle for a joke. That’s because a holiday usually has many associations, including how people might celebrate it.

That line of thinking led me to my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture. To find such a link, I started by visualizing an association of the topic handle “lipstick,” namely a woman applying lipstick.

That mental picture suggested an image of something else that people are doing to their mouths during this pandemic, namely covering them with face masks. That link became the basis of my punch line.

Next I needed an angle to guide the audience smoothly and logically from my topic to some punch line involving a face mask. I considered writing an angle about how people are carefully applying lipstick only to have it smeared by their face mask.

But instead I thought it would be funnier to make the angle about how no one can see what’s under your mask. That way I could summon up a sexy image in the angle and make the introduction of the unsexy face mask in the punch line even more surprising.

When I wrote the angle I also employed my Joke Maximizer #10–Use the Rule of Three; two unfunny activities are followed by the punch line activity of describing your lips.

Joke About the Bubonic Plague

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The joke:

Over the weekend, health officials reported a case of possible bubonic plague in Inner Mongolia. So crowds of people from Lake of the Ozarks immediately flew there to have a pool party.

How I wrote it:

This news item drew my attention because I thought there might be a joke that makes a surprising connection between the medieval-sounding “bubonic plague” and the current coronavirus pandemic. That is, I turned to my Punch Line Maker #2: Link the topic to pop culture.

“Coronavirus” has many associations, but one that was top of mind for me when I wrote this joke was “oblivious partiers at Lake of the Ozarks.” For several days in a row I saw on TV and online the same footage of a pool party packed with revelers tossing around beach balls. Because I had seen the story in multiple media outlets, I was fairly confident that my audience would make that association too. So I based my punch line on it.

I thought quite a bit about how to describe those partiers. I wanted the joke to be clear, which pointed me toward a detailed description like “those people in the Midwest who you’ve seen in the news having pool parties even after they’ve been strongly urged to maintain social distance to minimize the spread of the coronavirus.”

But my Joke Maximizer #1 is “Shorten as much as possible.” So, taking into account how familiar I thought my audience was with the story, I trimmed the angle and punch line down to what you see.

My Joke Maximizer #7 is “Use stop consonants, alliteration, and assonance,” and luckily my angle and punch line have lots of stop consonants–three in “pool party” alone.